Tag Archives: gay midlife

I Was Right About Palm Springs

Did you even wonder if an important decision you made long ago was the right one? I do it all the time! Yet a recent visit provided reinforcement that I was right about Palm Springs.

Right about Palm Springs? What am I even talking about? (or, what kind of first world problem is this?)

Here goes: I made a decision to sell a condominium I owned (and lived in) out there in the desert in 2011 basically so that I could retire early and fund the gap between then and the time I’d be able to collect Social Security.

Great Recession

It was the end of the Great Recession awfulness and job prospects were dim, especially when you were 55, as I was that year (2010). I’d gotten laid off and I didn’t want another corporate-type job anyway, and when I weighed options on how to support myself, using this asset seemed to make the most sense.

Also, I had determined I was an urban person, not a suburban or small town guy. I wanted to go back to the big city for those social and cultural benefits.

Through the ensuing years I was happy about that part, but did miss the condominium itself — the space, the design, the patios, the complex with the pool and especially the Jacuzzi.

Missing the Desert

I also missed my friends out there. Turns out, after all was said and done is that it’s hard to make new friends, it’s hard to renew friendships that have lapsed, and I think all of this gets harder as one gets older.

All that made me wonder if I’d made the wrong decision back in 2010-2011. In the 10 years that have passed Palm Springs has become unaffordable to me, and in Los Angeles I’m locked into a rent controlled apartment. On the one hand, that’s good, because the rent is below market. Then you realize you can’t move anywhere else in town because everything is so expensive.

So I’ve joined the ranks of friends and relatives in cities like San Francisco and New York who’ve lived in the same rental apartments for 40, 50 years. And now I understand why.

I Was Right About Palm Springs

So back to Palm Springs. I recently went out there for a couple of days, for some R & R. The weather was great, very warm but not too hot, dry, and I was reminded of what I’d loved there — the stillness. That wonderful aroma of dry. The general ease of doing things.

But I also remembered the unease. The claustrophobia I felt living there was back right away as soon as I drove into town. The suburban ethos of the civic design — which means you need a car for basically everything. The smallness of the place itself — which I could see in total from a perch on Mt. San Jacinto during a hike.

So it turns out I was right about Palm Springs. It was not the right place. For me, anyway.

Here’s Eve Babitz, from her story “Bad Day at Palm Springs” in the book Slow Days, Fast Company:

“The peace that some claim to find in all that sand will never happen to me in Palm Springs, no matter how I hope for flat dry hot air so bloodless that I won’t even have to breathe or think.”

I’m Starting My Invisalign Journey

I’ve always known that my front teeth were crowded and crooked. Thus, I’m starting my Invisalign journey.

I’ve noticed the crookedness more in recent years. Honestly, I think I have to “thank” social media for that. I’ve probably taken more pictures of myself in the last 5 years as in all of the 61 preceding!

Blogger Jim Arnold's teeth before beginning straightening with his Invisalign Journey. — The blogger’s teeth prior to Invisalign start.

So you really get to look at yourself, flaws and all. And I always wanted straight teeth.

Some might say “why? You’re already old.” Well, I’d rather be even older with nice teeth than crooked ones, so there.

Outcome, Duration and Cost

What I hope to achieve here is a nicer smile, a better bite, and straighter teeth in the process. My orthodontist told me he expects my “case” to take 1.5 to 2 years. It’s costing me about $6500. I’m paying monthly, so it’s kind of like a used car payment. A used car in my mouth.

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I’m on week 2 of my Invisalign Journey, so really, it’s just begun, and I’ve yet to see any changes. I’m taking photos once a week and I expect there will be quite a difference after a couple of months.

I have aligners for 52 weeks, which I change weekly. After those are done, they do what they call “refinements,” and that duration will only be known once the first part is finished and evaluated.

What I like Best

What I like best about my Invisalign Journey so far is the anticipation of the end results. Since that’s largely fantasy at this point, I’m also enjoying the fact that I can’t snack while wearing the aligners, which is better for my 66-year-old waistline. (Look up the Invisalign Diet – it’s a thing.)

What I like Least

What I like least is just the flip side of the above. I guess I never realized how much of a snacker I really was. Now I only eat three times a day when I take the aligners out. It’s been a situation of trying to shovel all the nutrition and the treats in that pie hole for 24 hours in a rolling two hour window (you’re supposed to wear the aligners for 22 hours a day).

If that’s the worst thing I think I can handle it. I’ll post updates, maybe quarterly, and report how it’s going.

Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America

Just published November of 2020. Out now!

Wanderslut 1996 is a mostly true, gay nineties road trip diary. After losing his job, Joe Tobin takes his severance money and heads across the country on a solo trip – seeing the sights, getting laid, eating bad food, and perhaps, finding some enlightenment along the way. A snapshot of one American man’s gay life in the mid ‘90s. (Click on book cover or here for link to Amazon page.)

Sick of the creepy, sad fat orange loser tweeting? Sick of the pandemic? Looking for a diversion? Find out just how slutty Jimbolaya was back in the ’90s, at the youthful age of 40! Surprised even myself, actually. “Joe Tobin” is a stand-in for me, Jim Arnold.

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So far only available in ebook format – Kindle (always remind folks that Kindle is not just a physical device, it’s also an app so you can read a Kindle book on any computer, tablet, phone – as long as you have the app downloaded).

Hope you enjoy the memories — anything to get away from 2020 for even a couple of hours! (A quick read at 120 pages.)

More to come. . .

“Benefits” Trailer Drops

Got a surprise this afternoon, “Ben Schmidt” himself dropped into the studio to record a short little trailer for the novel “Benefits,” which releases on Labor Day, September 2. Who doesn’t love a little slice of San Francisco?

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“Benefits” trailer 1

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Owning 60

Cycling Terror

It’s my 60th birthday today, March 20, 2015! As a gay man who grew up in America, I’m profoundly grateful to have lived to this age, especially since I knew so many guys in their 20s, 30s and 40s who did not make it anywhere near 50, much less 60.

But then again people turn 60 every day, so what is the big deal? Well, for me it’s only gonna happen this one time, and some birthdays seem like milestones: 30, for instance, 21, definitely, before that. For me, 50 was a big one. 60 is an even bigger one.

So I’ve decided to own it, to acknowledge it, rather than trying to pass myself off as somehow younger. Like that would even work — or be desirable! Perhaps this is a hallmark of maturity. Perhaps it’s just a lack of imagination or laziness! I never liked dyeing my hair anyway; it doesn’t really work for most men, and gray hair is fashionable now. See Daddies.

Yes, I’m still single, but I’d like to date more, and for anyone not realizing it, there’s a lot of fire left in that department. All you have to do is ask, it really is pretty simple (and I’m accepting birthday kisses for the rest of the month – or longer).

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It’s a shame that we live in such an ageist society, which seems to cast aside those over the age of about 50, sometimes even those younger than that. I’m pretty sure I’ve been the victim of age discrimination over the past few years, especially in the job/work category. What to do? It’s very hard to know for sure or to fight these kinds of things, so (for myself, anyway) I’ve redefined what work would look like, and it’s turned out to be a hodgepodge of things. It’s also largely worked out and gone in directions I couldn’t have predicted.

I’ve also been very privileged throughout my life and am cognizant every day of the advantages given. We all have obstacles to overcome, however, and I really don’t know anyone who has it easy — especially these last seven years or so.

I’ve come to realize that the true wealth is measured in my loved ones, my family and my friends, and I cherish that I have a large family I’m close to, if far from physically, and also revel in the decades-long relationships here in my adopted city and other places.

That’s rich, that’s the real wealth. I find that as I get older I get feistier, am more interested in activism and don’t want to have to mitigate my voice in any way (say, to conform to some kind of expected corporate behavior, like at a job) – so perhaps the ageism is actually a blessing of sorts for me to see what else is out there I might have some kind of engagement with.

Of course, as a writer, it leaves me with lots of time to create, and in the future I expect that will occupy more and more of my time. Looking forward to that. Looking forward to publishing more. Making another film, who knows? I did it before.

Most of all, owning 60 today is about a profound sense of gratitude (and I’ll try for humility, though leaving my ego at the door has always been a challenge, mea culpa) for my life and the people in it. Every day is a gift, and I try to remember that (and getting better at it – yoga helps).

In the end it’s just sunrises and sunsets, seasons come and gone, lots of them, accumulated. Remembered, and looking to all the future ones.

Happy Birthday to me.