Cycling Terror

It’s my 60th birthday today, March 20, 2015! As a gay man who grew up in America, I’m profoundly grateful to have lived to this age, especially since I knew so many guys in their 20s, 30s and 40s who did not make it anywhere near 50, much less 60.

But then again people turn 60 every day, so what is the big deal? Well, for me it’s only gonna happen this one time, and some birthdays seem like milestones: 30, for instance, 21, definitely, before that. For me, 50 was a big one. 60 is an even bigger one.

So I’ve decided to own it, to acknowledge it, rather than trying to pass myself off as somehow younger. Like that would even work — or be desirable! Perhaps this is a hallmark of maturity. Perhaps it’s just a lack of imagination or laziness! I never liked dyeing my hair anyway; it doesn’t really work for most men, and gray hair is fashionable now. See Daddies.

Yes, I’m still single, but I’d like to date more, and for anyone not realizing it, there’s a lot of fire left in that department. All you have to do is ask, it really is pretty simple (and I’m accepting birthday kisses for the rest of the month – or longer).

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It’s a shame that we live in such an ageist society, which seems to cast aside those over the age of about 50, sometimes even those younger than that. I’m pretty sure I’ve been the victim of age discrimination over the past few years, especially in the job/work category. What to do? It’s very hard to know for sure or to fight these kinds of things, so (for myself, anyway) I’ve redefined what work would look like, and it’s turned out to be a hodgepodge of things. It’s also largely worked out and gone in directions I couldn’t have predicted.

I’ve also been very privileged throughout my life and am cognizant every day of the advantages given. We all have obstacles to overcome, however, and I really don’t know anyone who has it easy — especially these last seven years or so.

I’ve come to realize that the true wealth is measured in my loved ones, my family and my friends, and I cherish that I have a large family I’m close to, if far from physically, and also revel in the decades-long relationships here in my adopted city and other places.

That’s rich, that’s the real wealth. I find that as I get older I get feistier, am more interested in activism and don’t want to have to mitigate my voice in any way (say, to conform to some kind of expected corporate behavior, like at a job) – so perhaps the ageism is actually a blessing of sorts for me to see what else is out there I might have some kind of engagement with.

Of course, as a writer, it leaves me with lots of time to create, and in the future I expect that will occupy more and more of my time. Looking forward to that. Looking forward to publishing more. Making another film, who knows? I did it before.

Most of all, owning 60 today is about a profound sense of gratitude (and I’ll try for humility, though leaving my ego at the door has always been a challenge, mea culpa) for my life and the people in it. Every day is a gift, and I try to remember that (and getting better at it – yoga helps).

In the end it’s just sunrises and sunsets, seasons come and gone, lots of them, accumulated. Remembered, and looking to all the future ones.

Happy Birthday to me.