Category Archives: Gay Mid-Life: Musings

Los Angeles Gay Pride #ResistMarch 2017


I need a new phone!

I was going to bring my camera to this event but I forgot it, what with the sign and all. So, my apologies, the phone ran out of juice about halfway through. I couldn’t even call a Lyft to go back to the subway once it was over. Yes, I know, #Firstworldproblems. I have failed today.

I did love that the Pride Celebration in LA returned to its protest roots. Energizing and energetic, it was great to see the 100,000 people come out to march in the streets in resistance to the “not normal in any way” times we find ourselves in, to reaffirm our equal rights as gay, lesbian, trans, bi, queer, unsure, whatever. We’ve fought very hard for a very long time and honey, we’re not giving an inch. Not. one. inch.

Enjoy the photos and the one video I did manage to take.

And a video snippet:

Tax Day Protest: April 15, 2017


Never got a chance to post these to the blog, since I left on the month-long train trip just a week after this event. (hint – I have lots of photos and video of the trip, coming in subsequent posts).

What this was: Trying to keep Trump honest. A task in and of itself, to be sure. I’m not certain that’s even possible, but we Angelenos, and thousands of our compatriots around the country, the Resistance to this Pompous Ass, tried to remind him of his promises to release tax returns. So far, bupkis. Anyway, enjoy the photos and the one video. DTLA, April 15. See me in my red ITMFA hat (Impeach the Motherfucker Already)? Normally red’s not my color but I made an exception.

A Few Things Following Male Models on Instagram Taught Me


OK, I’ll admit it: I’m a middle-aged gay man lusting over a number of sweet young Instagram things who have the unmitigated audacity to post endless photos of themselves naked, or nearly naked, or in the throes of their latest physical exploits or modeling sessions. And, dear reader, of course, I am hooked. This is so much better than making friends on Facebook. No, no need to ever pretend to be interested in someone’s political opinion just so they’ll keep you as a “friend” and “like” you; Instagram is pure sexy voyeur heaven.

Some insights (besides the propensity to waste time ogling):

  • You can learn a new language: Italian, Russian, Brazilian Portuguese, and more
  • Models can be just as boring as anyone. Repeated blurry and dark videos of club nights. Boring. Repeated videos or photos of smoothies. Also boring. Repeated images of high protein meals. Super boring!
  • Endless views of your workout routine also do get boring. Exceptions: bicep workouts. Butt workouts.
  • Silent Movie Syndrome: yes, model, your voice can sink you. When in doubt, use the silent approach or do the music-over option. Don’t be responsible for bursting my lust bubble, you manly-man you!
  • They like to show off their dogs and cats as much as anyone on the Internet. Many of these beauties seem to live alone yet they have a pet or pets with personality plus.
  • Who are the unsung heroes or heroines taking the pictures? Many are selfies, sure; but many are not. Are these behind-the-scenes folks partners or roommates or paid assistants? Interns? I think that’s an interesting story in itself.
  • Gorgeous boys can be lonely too. I see it in the faces of their “lights out” photos, I see it in the empty gyms they haunt at all hours of the night (and early morning), sometimes I see it blatantly when they complain about having no one. So I guess there’s a message there for all of us.
  • Mostly what I love is the infectious optimism of youth. I think that comes through loud and clear for all these guys (maybe not with every post!) and I find it quite inspiring. KEEP POSTING PLEASE!

Looking for guys to watch? Here’s a current list of my favorite males to follow on Insta (not in any order!):

ranajo – a Brazilian model-type guy from Bahia. In addition to the usual swimwear mega-eye candy, he also shoots lots of little videos of him and his friends dancing and singing. It has a wonderful youthful Brazilian spirit to it all and you can compile a Brazilian holiday calendar, too.







Lap_NYC – He is probably my favorite. He’s a dancer/model, possibly from Israel (?) originally, working on Instagram to model underwear. Lucky us. Also surprisingly gentle and moody and kind of wistful, which I like. Secret: I found youtube videos of him on what appears to be the Israeli version of “Dancing with the Stars.” It’s great, find it.







broganNYC – At first glance – well, sorry, BROgan, I don’t want to be stereotypical, but — he looks like a typical Chelsea or WeHo trophy boy. Except that – he’s nice and he’s really silly! And he has a cute boyfriend he poses with while they eat ice cream in bed! This is the guy you’d think would never talk to you, but his videos indicate anything but that kind of attitude. That’s what I love about it, he turns this exclusionary stereotype on its ear. Bravo, Brogan!






caseyfieldNYC — Casey appears to be the most down-to-earth and professional of the models listed here. He has a superb sense of humor and gives fun little workout and diet tips in his NY accent as he walks around the big city. Always cheers me up.








corkswag — I think Corkswag is a dancer/actor here in L.A. He may also be a go-go boy. In fact, I think he is a go-go-boy. He’s also a major tease but he’s so cute who can hardly blame him? Not me, certainly. And those teeth! Those nipples!








faalbe — see above, I’m learning Italian. Is he a dancer? Not sure. Lots of annotated pictures of male pulchritude with Italian words so see, I am learning. Italian men in their underwear teaching across the waters. So grateful.








coelhorodrigo – the awesomely enterprising beauty of Rio de Janeiro! He is insanely gorgeous, I think he’s a model/stylist and also a jewelry designer. He travels around Brazil a lot for his work and shoots it so you get to see a lot of that beautiful country on Rodrigo’s posts. There’s also more perfect teeth.







watchjoego — His bio says San Diego but I think he’s usually posting from L.A. He’s one of those who goes to the gym at 4 in the morning. If that’s what it takes to look like he does, I’d do that too, well, if I was 25. Thank god I’m old because I have no desire to be that anymore. But I love looking at Joe! He’s also very upbeat – reminding me of one reason to love young men, because they are OPTIMISTIC. I like that.






oddlyshouseofenough (gets the prize for best moniker). I don’t know if I could ever see enough of this man. I think this one is local too (SoCal) but the first photo I saw of him was where he appeared to be on a stripper pole that someone had in their kitchen. His own, perhaps? There are also some photos of this guy in leather that are stunning.







jakejacob01 is a more recent find. Just a really hot guy who posts great pictures of his awesome self, sometimes with his boyfriend, sometimes not. I think he lives in Texas.








kevincarnell is another beauty. I honestly don’t know how bodies like this happen, though I suspect they take an insane amount of dedication, good nutrition, and good genes to help that process. I certainly love seeing the results. Do not miss this one!








johnmacconnell is an artist, who paints a lot of male nudes, couples, usually looks like they’re watercolors. He sells them, I know that much. He’s also a runner, posts his times and photos of himself in gear. He’s very hot himself. A young man making it in NYC.








e.santiago23  – kind of your typical super-hot louche medical student from south of the border. Again, check out the nipples! Wide variety of posts from beach to club parties to classroom; I believe he lives in Mexico but is from Puerto Rico, so I also like seeing the backgrounds and his coterie of attractive friends. Also singing – love that about these guys. Doctor, doctor, can you examine me, please?






derek_stone87 — kind of under the radar, don’t know how he showed up on my Instagram but he’s just a very attractive young guy, who has a husband, who might live in Colorado. Takes lots of pictures with pets (dogs esp.) and might be in that (veterinary) profession.






Who are your favorites? I can certainly add more to my feed. Let me know!





On FADA, Notes on the License to Discriminate


It’s possible that the right wing, now that they control all three layers of the federal government, will try and pass a version of the FADA (The First Amendment Defense Act) so I thought I’d write a bit about it, why it’s unnecessary and basically just a convenient license for using the federal government to discriminate against people you don’t like.


The Right Wing doesn’t like a lot of people, though the FADA is usually understood as a backlash targeting LGBT people as a result of marriage equality and other social gains by LGBT in recent years.

Here’s the text of the Amendment:

Notwithstanding any other provision of law, the Federal Government shall not take any discriminatory action against a person, wholly or partially on the basis that such person believes or acts in accordance with a religious belief or moral conviction that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or that sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage. [H.R. 2802, introduced 6/17/15]

The Right Wing asserts that this amendment is needed to protect the religious views of people who feel this way, i.e., their first amendment rights. In reality, it would enshrine the right to discriminate against LGBT persons, unmarried single mothers, or any couple of any sexual combination residing together unmarried. Among the things it would allow are these examples:

  • allow federal contractors or grantees, including those that provide important social services like homeless shelters or drug treatment programs, to turn away LGBT people or anyone who has an intimate relationship outside of a marriage
  • let commercial landlords violate longstanding fair housing laws by refusing housing to a single mother based on the religious belief that sexual relations are properly reserved for marriage
  • permit a university to continue to receive federal financial assistance even when it fires an unmarried teacher simply for becoming pregnant
  • permit government employees to discriminate against married same-sex couples and their families – federal employees could refuse to process tax returns, visa applications, or Social Security checks for all married same-sex couples
  • allow businesses to discriminate by refusing to let gay or lesbian employees care for their sick spouse, in violation of family medical leave laws [ACLU, 7/20/15]

So basically, such a law would throw out existing protections LGBT have through the government and allow discrimination based on someone’s beliefs.

I would be awestruck to see where it is in the defining documents of these religions (i.e., The Bible) where it says that you’re supposed to not bake that gay wedding cake or not cut that social security check for that gay man. Cause it doesn’t say that anywhere. Basically, if you believe those documents, they tell you that YOU – the person having that belief – are not supposed to live your life that way. In other words, if you believe those scriptures, YOU should not live a gay life. It doesn’t say anything about the rest of us, which, incidentally, is not even relevant because the United States is not guided or beholden to ancient religious texts.

Also, the Right Wing seems to think that it needs this law to protect its anti-LGBT churches and schools from the big bad IRS. But that argument is easily debunked, e.g. churches of all kinds (Catholics, are you listening?) have been discriminating against women for eons without getting their tax exempt status revoked. And of course, you can always still believe what you want and teach whatever doctrine you have in your religious school. We don’t have the thought police, at least not yet (Minority Report?)

So if these two items are eliminated, what is left? Oh, I guess maybe you can’t just use  your religion as a hammer to punish people you don’t like. Sorry.

It’s like this (paraphrased from a letter to the editor on media, from “nerzog”):

Religious beliefs are protected. Religiously inspired actions are not. So: They’re still allowed to be bigots, they can think what they want. They can still verbally express their bigotry, if they’re willing to endure the social consequences. What they can’t do is: break anti-discrimination laws.

Most of the data in this post comes from media matters.


“Age Appropriate” Daddyhunt Blogs


I’ve written a number of blog entries on older/younger relationships or on issues affecting aging in gay men. I started that process a few years ago when I did some blog posts on’s website, for their blog “Age Appropriate.”

So, if you’re interested, here’s the link back to the archive for those posts.



Avoiding the Gay Friend Zone — A Few Tips


154582979_94a26fde15_zI see lots of advice tips on websites and vlogs on YouTube addressing this topic, almost always from a straight perspective, almost always the straight male perspective. About how not to be a woman’s best buddy when you would really like to be her lover.

This is also an issue in gay land. It can be even more confusing, since we find our sexual partners and most of our platonic friends from the same gender as ourselves. When you meet a new gay man, I’m sure I’m not the only one to want to classify him into either the potential dating/sex category or into the possible friend category–almost immediately. (And I am talking here about actual in-person meetings with guys, what they used to call meet-cute, not casual sex transactions delivered via smartphone or computer app —  although those certainly have their place and value.)

And it’s not always apparent which one it should be! Friend or stud? Is he available? Am I attracted to him that way and just as important, does he have an attraction to me? Sometimes further investigation or time is necessary to determine which category this man should fall into.

Does all this seem rather predatory and cold? It seems that way as I’m writing it. I guess a better world would be one where we’re all kumbayah and open to whatever gifts strangers have for us and we have for them, whether that means sex/romance, friendship, neighborliness, networking, help, education and enlightenment, mentoring, or what have you. But I do think it’s honest that people with a sex drive who are looking for possible partners classify newcomers in this binary way.

That said, in gay land I think there’s a pretty quick time limit to figure this out, if indeed sex/romance is really where you want to go with this new person. Because if nothing happens over the course of a few meetings, most of the time that means you are in the friend zone.

So, how to avoid that if your desire is on the personal side?

  • Be direct. This is no time to hope that being flirty will get picked up on or that he’s going to notice you sighing in his direction. Don’t you love a confident guy who verbalizes his desire by saying such things as “I’d like to have sex with you” or “I’d like to spend more time with you to get to know you in a personal way.” I wish that would happen with everyone. It doesn’t, because
  • We’re afraid of rejection. Because it hurts so bad. But if you can get over it, because this is numbers game, you can keep moving things along and go on to the next person. If he says no to your advances, you’re in the friend zone and that’s great. Not great if you had that crush, but yes great because “no” is as good an answer as “yes,” because it is definitive and keeps you moving.
  • Don’t wait too long to figure out what you want with him. After dating/flirting/f****ing with other gay men now for over 40 years I can tell you that you already know in your gut. Trying to decide is just a game we play with ourselves trying to avoid point #2, above (rejection). Honestly there comes a point where that spark that could’ve ignited is gone and he’s going to be your sister not your lover.
  • And it’s great having friends! Not to say that if you end up in the friend zone with someone you really wanted to go to bed with that it won’t be valuable and wonderful and a really fantastic friendship. I had such a relationship with at least one guy that was truly wonderful. And, on the opposite side, I do know at least one married gay couple that were “best friends” forever before the romance kicked in, so that can happen too.

Bonus related item: People who show outsize interest on social media want more from you than lunch once every six months. You can start making up this list of potential partners from those who “like” every photo you ever post on facebook, who retweet your tweets on a regular basis, who “like” your instagram photos, too! Not foolproof but I think it’s a good indicator that he’s interested in more than being affirmative of your social media presence.

The Number One Factor that Allows for a Car-Free Life*


*in the contemporary United States. I don’t know about other places; I suppose this is a worldwide “law.”

The Blogger at CicLAvia in the valley, outside of OCH's.

The Blogger at CicLAvia in the valley, outside of OCH’s.

I found this post on the Internet. I often look for stories or articles that validate my own car free choice, just so I can feel some camaraderie and not think I’m the only person in the world who has done this and also thinks it’s a doable idea. (I don’t have many friends in L.A. who are car free; some, but usually it’s not been a choice for them and they’re not particularly happy about it and hope to change this circumstance ASAP).

One of the things that Zachary Shahan talks about in his post is the pleasurability of his car free decision. That is key, isn’t it — if it’s not a good and pleasurable way to live, then why do it? I’ve had enough martyrdom in my life already, I don’t really want any more.

I admit that feeling the pleasure is sometimes hard, living in the midst of the most intense car culture on the planet. Also, the writer of this great post is obviously younger than me by decades, and there’s something to be said about youthful optimism in any situation. Isn’t there?

If you haven’t guessed the factor or read the article, I can tell you it’s location. The same old real estate cliche, location location location.

And I think that’s true. The very definition of doable transportation depends on where you are and where you need to go. For myself, I commute to a part time job using a bicycle and public transportation (I take my bike on a subway). For all other daily life activities and shopping, I can walk or ride a bike. For social activities, I usually take public transport or if that’s not really practical, a cab or an Uber or a Lyft, which are always practical in Los Angeles. I happen to live around the corner from a major stop along a major rapid busway. This really does help. It’s a good location.

Another Benefit of Going Car Free: No Cops

from "Less Than Zero" (Spoiler): this would be transporting dead bodies due to drug overdoses.

from “Less Than Zero” (Spoiler): this crime would be transporting a dead body due to a drug overdose.

How we find out about true crimes – this is assuming that we, I mean the majority of the law-abiding population, are not criminals ourselves, is likely relegated to the media: what we see on TV, what we read in newspapers and online publications and blogs, or what we may hear. Or overhear.

I read the usual papers. I’m also a fan (it’s a guilty pleasure) of Cops, the pseudo documentary TV show that follows police departments around on their law enforcement duties. Let’s forget for a moment that the focus of that show seems to be to see how many young men of color’s lives we can destroy by stupid inflated charges and antiquated and moronic non-violent drug laws. Let’s forget that piece for a moment and just focus on the undeniable evidence that a huge number of crimes (and thus, arrests and interactions with the police) occur in the presence of motor vehicles. Am I right?

Here’s a short list:

  • auto theft
  • using an auto as a getaway car for robbing a bank or a store or what have you
  • kidnapping
  • drug dealing/running
  • firearms running
  • vehicular manslaughter
  • vehicular murder
  • mobile prostitution
  • driving without a license
  • driving without registration
  • transporting illegals across state lines
  • using a car for human trafficking
  • using a car for the location of a crime, such as assault, murder, rape
  • using a car for drive-by shootings
  • odometer fraud
  • ram and scam
  • hit and runs
  • speeding while driving
  • unsafe lane changes and other moving violations
  • drunk driving
  • driving while texting
  • driving without a seatbelt
  • using a motor vehicle for a drug factory (hello Breaking Bad)
  • child or animal endangerment (leaving an innocent locked in a hot car)
  • Verbal assaults, i.e. Road Rage

And that is a just a short brainstormed list. As far as I know, you’re not going to get a ticket for walking too fast down the sidewalk. I’ve also never seen a cyclist cited for speeding, though I guess it could happen. No, really, cops are focused on motor vehicles. If you look at that list above, it seems a car is actually a prerequisite for carrying out the crime. For instance, when was the last time you robbed a bank or an art museum and took the bus home? It’s been awhile, I bet.

So there you go, another fringe benefit of going car free. Less potential involvement with authorities. I think we can all agree, these days that’s a lot better for everyone.

And We Went to Guadalajara


Who? Oh, my brother David and I. To see it. Because I wanted to go to Mexico. Because it was his birthday. Because I was interested in seeing Lake Chapala, where large numbers of U.S. expatriates go. It’s pretty there, not sure it would be too stimulating. Chapala, that is. Perhaps you bring your own stimulation. Affordable most definitely.

So, to answer the question, is it safe to go to Guadalajara? I can answer that. Yes, it was fine. The scariest thing that happened to me over the course of our short, 4 night stay was that one night I had trouble sleeping. I have insomnia sometimes; I can hardly blame that on Mexico. (That damn Obama!)

The people we met there were lovely and they were POLITE. They had MANNERS. I’m not talking just about service people at hotels or restaurants, but people on the street. Imagine that, what a concept! Someone’s mama raised that country right. OK, there were dark alleys, I wouldn’t rush to venture down. There were lots of insanely armed police and security guards all over. I wouldn’t confront them. If you have a modicum of the usual street sense that you’d need in any place like L.A., NY, Chicago, New Orleans, etc., you’d feel pretty safe in Guadalajara. Don’t let the scaredy cat warnings you find on social media and from the state department frighten you. If you’re not going to confront the government of Mexico or the drug cartels, my opinion is, it’s as safe or safer than living in a place like I do, Los Angeles, where really bad things happen to people every day.

OK, end rant. Now for the pictures. I like taking pictures of buildings and parts of buildings, always wondering what is behind the walls, who built the building, who lives there or works there, what their lives are like, etc. So some of these are likely moody that way. Since I live in a place where everything is always new and very dry, old and weathered and moldy (as in lots of humidity) always fascinates me. So enjoy. I will comment on some of the photos directly.

UPDATE October 16 2015 – I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that the Guadalajara area can be dangerous to your health if you’re a member of a cartel or the military or the police. Less than a week after our return, this article on an arrest appeared in the L.A. Times.


What would it be like to have gay sex without fear of HIV?


This article from New York Magazine on PrEP is probably my favorite of the many, many articles I’ve read on Truvada. What follows below are my thoughts on the idea of taking a PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) for HIV.


no one I know, but I’d kiss them.

In regards to that question in the title — I did have lots of unfearful sex as a young man, before 1981, in the few years between when I became old enough for sex but before AIDS and HIV arrived. Honestly, that was so long ago now (what is it, 35 years, all my subsequent adult years till now?) I really don’t remember what it was like.

Besides, at that point for me, there was still a lot of other fear around gay sex, specifically, the idea that it was wrong. It took, it seems, forever for me, personally, to get over those lies we were fed as kids. But when I finally did and was ready to embrace the kind of sex I was born to have, there was Mr. HIV and an entirely new set of rules, and especially, don’ts.

I continued to have sex during the AIDS years, but it was according to the safest guidelines possible and was always, always tinged with a great amount of fear. For the most part, it was never the feeling of giving yourself over totally to the moment of passion; it seemed there was always something lurking, and always something being held back.

I’m from the generation who lived through the 80s when every cold, every flu, every bump or red spot on your skin could be nothing or it could be the first sign that you were, in fact, dying.

So I greet this news of Truvada and PrEP with nothing short of astonishment. Color me shocked that marriage equality is now the law of the land, as it should be; I’m equally stunned that there’s such a thing as Truvada and it can be taken to actually PREVENT HIV infection.

I’m HIV negative. Do I take Truvada currently? No. Will I take it in the future? I’ve had some discussions with my doctor about it. There’s an insurance issue; it’s expensive. There’s possibly work-arounds for that, programs which make it cheaper or even free. She (my doctor) was more concerned about long term effects, and made the point that you have to gauge what makes the most sense for you at a certain point in time. I’m single, I don’t have a partner; I rarely date; it’s not the prettiest situation at the moment but it probably doesn’t make sense for me personally right now.

That all could change. What if I did suddenly have dates? (Hey, it could happen!) I would like to think I could have that freeing option, something that I did not have at 26, or at 30, at 35, at 40, at 45, at 50, at 55 and. . . well, you get my drift. I would like to know what it’s like to have sex without the fear of contracting HIV. It’s not a reality that I know.

a couple of other points:

  • A lot (often it seems the plurality) of the gay men in my age cohort in my location are HIV positive. Truvada would eliminate the HIV barrier that is always there between us, that elephant in the room.
  • There’s that part of me that wants to be uninhibited and spontaneous after decades of worry (as well as other issues that have negatively affected my sex life, specifically, prostate cancer and its treatment). Why can’t I have this? Please, please tell me why? The last quote in the article I linked to above was another question. It asked, simply, Why Should We Keep Punishing Ourselves?