Category Archives: Gay Mid-Life: Musings

Los Angeles Pride June 2012

So, L.A. Pride celebrations were over the weekend, and I have multimedia presentations for you, dear reader. Makes it much easier on me today with having to come up with something intelligible to write about it all, but let me just say this:

I’m glad I went. In recent years, I haven’t always gone, no matter what city it was (L.A, Palm Springs, San Francisco, NY. . .) because . . . why? Because it seems tired, I hated rainbows, I hate crowds, what’s the point if you’re not 25, etc. You know, the usual cranky blah-blahdy claptrap. But then I had to remember what it was like being gay in the late 60s and 70s when I grew up, and where I grew up, where there was nothing like a Gay Pride Parade or anything remotely approximating this at all. So I realized how lucky we are to have this, and how it is really special, no matter how imperfect it is. This year, I needed to show I was a part of it, no matter how small that really is.

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So here’s some video I shot (with the still camera which has a video function, not too bad for a blog) and then some stills of friends, some of the parade, some other stuff. I hope you enjoy. It was great fun and I’m so glad I went.

And in the video: what you’re seeing: Semi-naked boys on a float, Drag Queen Cheerleaders, Molly Ringwald (the grand marshal-ess of the parade) dressed as a Greek Goddess with guys in togas. In short, just what you’d expect to see. Oh, and for those not in L.A., the cool red building in the background is part of the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood.

Where being gay really is a death sentence

Winnipeg Free Press story on where being gay is a death sentence

BORIS MINKEVICH / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS

In Iran, there are no homosexuals.

Or so said the president of Iran. When I posted the story about the thoughts/rants of Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, little did I realize that I’d find the “180” in the next couple of days.

You see, that post was all about a minority that had won major gay acceptance and gay rights over the years, and about modifying its platform, so to speak. About what it should really be interested in doing/focusing on to ensure the “right kind” of liberation for gay people, perhaps not focused so much on marriage equality or anti-gay violence.

But in order to do that, in order to have the freedom to say what you want or wear a dress or call yourself Mattilda or Jimbo or re-appropriate the word “faggot” — you have to be free enough to not be looking over your shoulder every minute for the assassin.
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And this is what is going on in Iran, Iraq, other countries in Africa. This is what would be going on in the United States if some fundamentalist Christian pastors had their way. Yes, here, yes, in Kansas and Maryland and probably some small town very near you.

So I wanted to publicize this program in Canada, the Iranian Railroad for Queer Refugees, which assists those trying to escape Iran for more hospitable countries like Canada, though the article also says they help place people in Finland and the USA.

If you read the story about Hamed, the young Iranian man in the picture above, you find out that the people he was most afraid of in Iran were his own family. I find that so sad and depressing. Yet, he triumphs: the two men in the photo behind him, his new family, were part of a “Group of Five” in Canada which was able to sponsor Hamed’s emigration.

I’d have to say, he looks pretty happy. The article also says that today, June 3, he’ll go to his first Pride parade, in Winnipeg. Appropriate for what I expect will be a number of GLBT-pride related posts this month of June Pride.

Also, I’ll be thinking of Hamed and people like him the next time I’m forced to watch a child spew hatred as the result of some pathetic misguided adult.

Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots? Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore Weighs in on Marriage Equality, the Occupy Movement, and Freedom

SF Weekly photo of Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore by Kevin Coleman

I was quite interested in Chris Hall’s SF Weekly piece from several months ago on gay writer/editor/activist/Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, so I clipped it.

Mattilda has a refreshing point of view, to say the least. I mean, have you wondered, as I have wondered from time to time, just why the gay movement wants inclusion into a couple of the more broken institutions of our time (marriage and the military)?

As she says in the article, and I paraphrase, maybe we should be working to get rid of the constriction of marriage, maybe we should be working to abolish the American military, hell-bent as it seems to be on endless, bankrupting wars of aggression.

I would argue (and agree with Mattilda) that the confines of the monogamous, traditional marriage are anything but queer as we know it. It seems to often be a dreadful institution, well in need of some redefinition, and by that I don’t mean defining it to include gay couples but defining a marriage relationship by itself to be very broad.

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I was at a discussion group not too long ago where one of our senior radicals was present (a member of the original radical faerie group) and when the topic of gay marriage came up, he really couldn’t stop laughing, he found the whole thing so absurd. This is not to rain on the parade of anyone who wants to get married — I think everyone should who wants to — but the gay movement was all about redefining our lives in such a way as to be much bigger than that which had come before – by doing such things as realizing the unique purpose and viewpoints of gay people. They would say we are here for a reason on this planet. They would say we are not just like everyone else (take away all the sex, there are still huge differences between gay and straight). This is the anti-assimilation point of view.

I applaud Mattilda for being able to articulate that contrarian point of view, not easy these days when everyone wants you to just jump on the safe, “well-behaved faggot” bandwagon. She also has a few choice words for the “It Gets Better” phenomenon – truly, how does telling a kid that things will get better in 4 or 5 years help him or her TODAY when life is a living hell? I’m not sure I have an answer for that. Maybe that the campaign is a step on the way for safety for these bullied kids? I think that’s likely.

What do you think about the gay movement? Do you think assimilation is the key, or do you think celebrating the difference is the way to go? Or, should it something entirely different?

Double standard in Manhattan Beachgate restroom sting?

Photo by thisreidwrites

LA Daily News: 8 men arrested for suspected sex in Manhattan Beach restroom

When I read this about a week or so ago, it made me sick. I felt then like I did as a young teenager in Wisconsin when I’d read the names of men caught in park restrooms, subsequently published for all to see in the Milwaukee Journal.

In the 60s – 70s, having something like that done to you really would literally ruin your life – you’d easily lose your job, your family, your friends — everything.

Let’s just take a deep breath and realize a couple of things: 1) these men haven’t been convicted of anything. 2) If they were having public sex, which is a crime, it is a victimless one, often involving police entrapment. 3) If these were man/woman couples having public sex (say, on the beach or in a car, etc.) do you think we’d be seeing their pictures in mug shots in the newspaper? No, I don’t think so, either.

I don’t condone public sex. People of any persuasion should be discreet about that, for many reasons. But the overreaction of this Manhattan Beach Police Department and the media involved in publicizing these arrests smacks clearly of a same-sex double standard. Another question the residents of that town might ask is if this is the best use for the money they’re spending on police protection.

As one man in the story says, “you’ve completely ruined my life.” He’s right. My dream would be they get all charges dropped then sue the Manhattan Beach Police so that little homophobic community by the sea goes bankrupt.

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About those Republican Candidates and “bordering on disgust”

What, indeed, is wrong with these people?

Since it’s the day before the Wisconsin/Maryland Primary, it’s as good a time as any to re-shine a light on what the Republican candidates may have said about gays and gay rights issues, including marriage equality, over the course of their campaigns.

Fred Karger Calls for Romney, Santorum, Gingrich to Disavow NOM Pledge.

Above is a link to Karen Ocamb’s LGBT/POV blog post on gay Republican candidate Fred Karger’s demand that the other candidates he’s running against – Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich – repudiate the pledges they made to the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) earlier in the campaign, basically promising to uphold traditional marriage by way of constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, to defend DOMA, to follow the “original intent of the Constitution” even to officially investigate the “harassment of traditional marriage supporters” – whatever that means.

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It’s come out that NOM, the organization that viciously fights marriage equality, is being investigated for money laundering in Maine, so he’s using these possible illegal activities as the basis the candidates should repudiate their pledges – along with the fact that the pledges are just genuinely hateful. Continue reading →

Why are Gay Cruises Going to Intolerant Ports of Call?

Photo by Kelsey Borza

2 US men arrested on gay cruise in Caribbean

Reading this has made me go apoplectic, I mean, this is so wrong on so many levels, where does one begin?

First of all, the two men were arrested on suspicion of “buggery?” OK, what century is this, people? Are we back in the 1800s, just in time for the Oscar Wilde trial?

I really have no opinion on the appropriateness or lack of it as regards sex in public – only the consequences. Yes, it can be in bad taste (especially if perpetrators are unattractive, but I digress), but can you honestly imagine a male/female couple being arrested on a cruise ship and put into a tropical hell hole jail?

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So this entire episode brings up more questions. The big one is, of course, why are gay cruises going to island countries which have backward, bigoted laws such as this? Surely there are enough islands in the stream to visit which have our back, so to speak.

According to the story:

(Atlantis Cruises) President Rich Campbell, who is aboard the cruise, said in a phone interview earlier that he thought the two men would be released. He later said in an email that the company has organized many trips to Dominica and would “happily return.”

“Many countries and municipalities that gay men visit and live in have antiquated laws on their books,” he said. “These statutes don’t pose a concern to us in planning a tourist visit.”

OK, Rich, you’d happily return after your paying customers were hustled off your ship and put in jail, and they you and your fucking Atlantis Cruises boat just left them there? And then you go on to say that you have no problem visiting these types of countries with their antiquated laws? I wonder, Rich, if your paying gay cruise customers are aware of this cavalier attitude you have – which also assumes that they wouldn’t care if their gay dollars are being spent on said islands thereby helping support these corrupt regimes.

I think it would be a good idea for all gay cruises and their customers to take a good, long look at the places they’re visiting – and find out just how gay-positive these countries are. It might not be a simple task to change these laws or even the hearts and minds of such people – but we can certainly stop supporting their economies though tourism. Boycott? Hell, yes, if that helps.

Continue reading →

Blogtalk Radio, Together Again: Benediction

I was on blogtalk radio today with Coaches Jim and Marsha talking about prostate cancer and “Benediction” (It’s the 7 pm segment):

Together Again, March 19 2012 show

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Gay Bar Rejection!

Oh yes. I got a kick out of this, even if I am a little late for Valentine’s Day! I do suppose the experience of rejection is similar no matter what one’s orientation might be, but I, of course, am more familiar with the gay brand of rejection.

Sadly, this doesn’t happen much anymore because I don’t ~~have enough energy~~ go out much anymore! But if I did… also don’t drink and don’t smoke, though I did enjoy Robbie Joe Banfitch’s tutorial vicariously – it’s true, imbibing and smoking something does dull this pain of rejection.

From where I sit at 50+, it’s hard to believe somebody who looks like Robbie gets rejected much at all – so if it happens to him, is there any hope for the rest of us? They might as well tack up a sign over the door which reads “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.”

Oh, and Robbie Joe: 1) Welcome to East Hollywood, and 2) that shirt really wasn’t too tight. In fact, just leave the shirt off altogether. If you want.

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Palm Springs International Film Festival – The Gays

Again, the gay movies at the Palm Springs Film Festival that I saw – cause there were others.

Let My People Go

Basic Idea: Comedy about European lovers who are separated and must go through lots of zany plot twists to eventually get back together again. Director: Mikael Buch

The Good:

It’s a farce, and as such, constructed pretty well with engaging and attractive characters
Nicolas Maury, who plays Ruben, is great at physical comedy in the tradition that goes back to Buster Keaton – a joy to watch
Carmen Maura – isn’t any movie with Ms. Maura worth watching just for that?
The overall message of the film is pro-tolerance – and affirmation of a family’s love for their gay son.
at 80 minutes, a good length for a comedy like this

The Bad:

Not enough of Teemu (Jarrku Niemi), Ruben’s Finnish boyfriend, who is adorable but absent for much of the film
I couldn’t think of anything else I didn’t like!

Time to Spare

Family Values: This Dutch film by Job Gosschalk about the lives and loves of two siblings shows what really holds a family together, and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

The Good:

I enjoyed the melodrama plot construction – it started out one way, and you thought it was going to be about one thing and then it made a major switch (also see The Bad)
Intergenerational gay relationship! That works! Hello!
The inclusion of friends to form families of choice
Character flaws are to be expected, and that adds to what makes us interesting rather than disqualifying us from this or that relationship

The Bad:

The movie starts out to be one thing – a relationship movie, and turns into something else – a cancer movie! (get out those tissues now, folks)
Perhaps an unrealistic depiction of a cancer patient’s suffering and treatment

Continue reading →

We Deserve Better video

We Deserve Better from FosterBear Films on Vimeo.

Check out this video made by my nephew-in-law’s company FosterBear Films (David Bear) in association with BreakOUT in New Orleans. The purpose is to fight discrimination on the part of the NOPD towards the GLBTQ community there.

Yes, we still have to fight these fights in 2012. Depressing, but there you are, and unfortunately, for so many minority communities, including GLBTs everywhere, the cop is generally not your friend. Videos like this help put them on notice. We’re watching. We’re talking. We’re filming it and posting it. And it will stop.

Share widely, as you wish.

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