Author Archives: JimArnoldLA

Aging People With H.I.V. Struggle to Live – New York Times

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Even though this New York Times story was published a couple of months ago now, I thought it was important and wanted to highlight and link to it.

As older people become invisible to so much of our youth-obsessed society, long-term HIV survivors face a special stigma. I think there’s some truth to the idea that this is something we’d rather not talk about, thank you very much, let’s just close that door and forget about it, or forget about it as much as we can.

And why is that — because these men, these women, remind us of that time we still shudder at the memory of. Reminding us of the time and of the people, the thousands we’ve lost, a reminder every time we look into an older face and remember what we were like in our 20s, 30s . . . The pain and the fear come back. That fear.

So AIDS is as treatable as diabetes — is that true, or are we fooling ourselves? Sometimes the wonder drugs stop working — does that happen with diabetes, too? Maybe it does. I still hear about mysterious complications long HIV-positive folks have with their health, which may or may not be related to the treatments themselves. And the longer these people do live, the more uncharted the territory, right?

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Still we have the almost institutionalized fundraisers in the gay community, the “AIDS emergency” — hmm, maybe we need to fund prevention more. Maybe we need to fund a vaccine. Yet all these things are being done, still. Still people get infected, now it’s mostly those too young to remember the fear.

Depression and isolation, often found with otherwise healthy people who are aging, is also part of this picture. One quote from the story stuck out at me: “as older gay men with H.I.V., they feel shut out from AIDS service organizations geared to younger or newly infected men, and from bars where they once felt at home.” That is true. And it’s not just older men who have HIV who are shut out — that ageism is pervasive.

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To blog or not to blog: importance of a strategy

thank you Owen Brown

thank you Owen Brown

Those of you who follow and read blogs – have you noticed that the ones most successful are not only those that focus on a single topic or family of topics, but also those which have some kind of discernable strategy?*

When I originally began this blog back in 2009, there was kind of a delirious joy in just having the ability to publish whatever the heck I wanted to 24/7. The trick comes, of course, in keeping it up. Learning enough of the program (in this case, WordPress) to make it look cool enough. Coming up with topics that would interest readers. Finding the time to write them, edit them, post them.

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I’ve done some research into what a successful blog should incorporate, as a backbone, let’s say. These features include:

  • TOPICS — the best blogs are probably about one topic only, such as Finance, Cooking, or Cats. Cooking your cat for money? (Please, no PETA hate mail!)
  • CONSISTENCY — To get any kind of regular following, you need to have a publishing schedule and stick to it. Readers get frustrated with haphazard postings, losing interest quickly. Imagine if your daily newspaper just put out an edition when they felt like it. Hey, wait a minute. . .
  • GOALS — yes, I do believe a blog should be goal-oriented, even if it’s just to post humorous pictures of hamsters, that’s a nicely defined goal which should draw in the hamster crowd. If you have a clear goal, it can drive what specific topics you write about. Don’t deviate!
  • AUDIENCE — Define your audience, and figure out what they want to see covered. How to do this? Research blogs like yours out there in the internet ether land. See what kinds of posts get the most traffic or comments – that’s probably a good indicator.
  • Advertising on the Net used to be cialis women all false.Silagra comes in a 100 mg pack, the suggested amount to be taken for a quick healing. It’s a complicated world discount viagra online out there in the land of pharmaceuticals. Some researchers believe it can be beneficial in men who have got to keep away from androgens.” Some other potential benefits of tamoxifen are the canadian cialis pharmacy management of bi polar disorders to cancer therapies. In the past, the expensive price of the purchase cheap viagra http://nichestlouis.com/viagra-4505.html genuine drug was an issue among the ED sufferers.

  • SCHEDULE — ties in with Consistency, above. When will you post? What types of content – will it always be bulleted prose posts like this one, or will you make a video on Tuesdays, every week? Or will you do a poll on Fridays? Will you cross-post your blogs with social media outlets at the same time and in the same way? Predictability can be your friend.
  • THREADED POSTS — By this I mean a series of posts on the same topic, or relevant issues on similar topics. I think this really builds increased traffic and anticipation, and has the nice side benefit of establishing you as the expert in whatever topic it is. Paired with consistency and SEO (links and keywords), it’s a nice and logical way to build that audience.

*OK, OK I admit it, since 2009 my own blog  has been all over the place! I’ve lately tried to narrow down the topics, and we do what we can. I’m a man of many interests, what can I tell you? That said, these days I’m focusing on blogging about Writing topics, Gay Mid-life posts, and Green issues. My current strategy is to post on each of these three topics once per week. I’d love to do more, as schedule allows!

Promise I’ll be consistent.

 

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Consumerist Pride

Ummm, gag me.

Ummm, gag me.

Ok, so back on the soapbox. . . You may have seen my earlier posts about Bradley Manning getting thrown under the bus by SF Pride and criticizing gay design house Andrew Christian for being body Nazis in an otherwise sexy promo video.

But still, something doesn’t seem quite right about this link, this “Shopping Party” to kick off Gay Pride. To me, this slides right back into that slippery slope where we commodify everything, as if it’s an occasion to support consumerism, in this case fracking Macy’s and the clothing industry.

The planners of such events try to make it a win-win for everyone (I know this since I used to do some of this kind of thing for a living), in this case, there’s a suggested donation of $20 for a charity that provides LGBT kids with scholarships. That part’s fine. (Although it doesn’t say that a donation of some amount is a requirement for entry.)

But why do we need to hold a Gay Pride kickoff in a freakin’ department store? Where attendees will have the chance to see the “hottest models in town” and purchase the clothes of their dreams?

I think the righteous drag queens of Stonewall and those early Pride marchers would probably vomit just a little at this attempt to conflate a human rights movement with entrenched corporate interest, such as Macy’s.

Let’s remember what it is that we remember with Pride celebrations: it was a REVOLT against police power, specifically, the NYPD’s raiding of gay bars on a routine basis. The citizens targeted in these raids finally had enough and didn’t behave. The legacy we should celebrate is the ability to speak truth to power and to claim a right as full citizens under the laws of this country and not to be harassed.

This is what we should be remembering with Pride. Not that we got some fabulous shirt we saw on a hot model at Beverly Center Macy’s.

Does this bug you, too? Or am I crabby and off base here?

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Tell Me a Story: The Naked Novelist

Always searching, always looking to uncover another (or any) effective way of promoting my novel via social media.

So, I’ve generally neglected YouTube so far, and at my own peril. Well, not any more. I thought, there are tons of shirtless men on YouTube (usually of the younger and hotter variety) and I know they get tons and tons of views. So I got to thinking, what if I read my book, a page a day, on camera, naked (well, you can use your imagination), and posted it to YouTube?

Would it help get awareness for my new book, The Forest Dark? Would it help sales? Is it just juvenile and ridiculous to think people would want to see a 50+ naked guy reading on YouTube? I really don’t know. But I do know this – it’s easy to track. I can find out since the video view counter is there for the world to see.

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Even if some people do watch the daily readings, would that translate into people buying the book? Perhaps. Perhaps occasionally. Perhaps never. I don’t know. What I do know is that this is a cheap publicity stunt, emphasis on cheap, in all its myriad definitions.

What do you think? (oh, and my camera angles, delivery and lighting will only get better, I promise. There’s 246 pages to get it right.)

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Reinventing Los Angeles: Water and Transport

Los Angeles City Hall. Photo by Jimbolaya

Los Angeles City Hall. Photo by Jimbolaya

Earlier today I saw a Facebook post warning about traffic jams on our freeways as a result of a messy oil tanker truck fire.

I then went to sigalert.com to verify this information and I realized I hadn’t gone to this site since I gave up my car in June. There was no need for it; bicyclists are not usually subject to traffic jams, and certainly not traffic jams on freeways.

In the attached article, writer Jeff Turrentine remarks on his culture shock moving from Brooklyn to L.A., and on the overwhelming insertion of automobile life into almost every aspect of how we go about our days here in Los Angeles. I recently spent a month in New Orleans, and upon returning, I also was surprised at how easily I became aware of the tremendous assault on the environment (and Southern California is truly a beautiful environment) the “car” has. From noise, to pollution, to vast amounts of space necessary for roads and parking lots, etc., it’s almost as if we exist to serve this status quo of machinery.

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In addition to the Southern California water situation (in a nutshell, we don’t have any, it comes from elsewhere) and plans to make that more sustainable, he talks about the resurgence of projects in public transportation, biking and walking infrastructure and what has had to happen politically to get there. A lot of the programs, such as the extension of the Purple Line Subway to UCLA, have a completion date of 2035, when I, gulp, if I live that long, will be 80. But heck, I see people much older than that riding the subway. So I’m looking forward to it.

Michael Woo, my former L.A. City Councilperson and current dean of the College of Environmental Design at California State Polytechnic University-Pomona said this about the reluctance of Inland Empire City Fathers and Mothers to the idea of public transit/density issues: “Many of them believed that low-density living, automobile dependence, a culture based on private backyards instead of public open spaces simply reflected the L.A. version of the American Dream. They were reluctant to embrace transit or density as part of the solution. To them it all just seemed like going backward.”

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That says a lot about why things evolved the way they did. Still, as even car and backyard lovers don’t like sitting in gridlock much at all, everyone realizes some things must change, and we’ve finally found that there’s political will here to do it (and that will extends into Republican Orange County, as well as that Inland Empire). The end result will be a much more livable Southern California, perhaps more garden-like, as the earlier boosters liked to claim.

Now if they could just do something about that pesky seismic problem. . .

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Beach weekend: The Forest Dark

reviewer beazy says: “Some of these people have a really dark side. Like me, you’ll be drawn in and probably have to keep reading to get the gist of this really fun book.” Going to the beach or campground this weekend? Take along “The Forest Dark.”

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Has Pride Jumped the Shark?

Bradley Manning, c by Semino1e

Bradley Manning, c by Semino1e

or did that happen long ago? Or maybe it’s just been insidious over the years, like the proverbial slow cooking frog in the pot.

We’ve gone from being (mostly) afraid to talk about who we are to having the right to marry and the right to serve our country in the armed forces (and what could possibly be more boring and traditional than these two things?*).

The dark and dangerous area of town where the gay bars (mostly) used to be where I grew up is now a highly desired, yuppie loft paradise. (that’s Milwaukee, Wisconsin)

In recent years, my jaw has dropped further and further to the pavement with the appearance of professional street vendors, the type of guys who come to any public event in Los Angeles, with their carefully and artfully arranged carts of rainbow paraphernalia, no doubt all made in China or another far-away, lower-wage country.

Buy some Pride for yourself! Wear something with a rainbow on it, better yet, several rainbows! I was even given a rainbow Mardi Gras beads at a GLBT lit conference I was recently at. And we’re supposed to be the fashion trendsetters?

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Really?? I guess it’s the price of success, when you become, in so many ways, the status quo. I know we keep this up to show kids from Kansas and Oklahoma and Alabama and all the rest of the officially hateful places that there is an alternative, there is tolerance and acceptance and there is a place for them. And truly, I do remember, it wasn’t always like this.
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So it’s even weirder what happened in San Francisco — remember, this is the City Harvey Milk famously invited queer youth to come to if they wanted to be free — when they threw Bradley Manning under the bus.

I’m not sure if Bradley Manning is a hero or not. He very well may be. But we do know he is a gay man who had the guts to challenge power with huge, unimaginable consequences for himself for the rest of his life. Shining a light on something he felt was deeply wrong and immoral. Since his arrest, he’s been held in solitary. He’s been interrogated. I’m not sure how “enhanced” this was.

Yet he seems to have been met mostly with silence by the official gay community. Cause it might embarrass the somewhat cozy relationship we have with the current administration, or maybe it’s just embarrassing now that we have equality in this area of the military, this gay guy gives our secrets to Wikileaks for the world to know. Well, you knew that would happen once you let those queers in.

The thing of it is, the Gay Pride Movement was founded on the coattails of the civil rights, anti-war, and women’s rights movements of the 1960s, all which challenged the status quo and our definitions of what was right and what was wrong.

That we can’t even come to include Bradley Manning in our embrace of the issues really makes me wonder about the health of Gay Pride as a political force. It’s almost like, “don’t rock the boat, we’re this close guys” type of a thing.

But at what price?

(* by saying this, I’m not discounting that both marriage and the military have advantages, often huge ones, for those who participate in them. I believe everyone should have the right to marry or be in the military should they so choose. What I mean is that these two institutions have failed for many, many people over long periods of time and I question the push to assimilate in this direction, rather than being a beacon of hope and new direction for humanity, which is traditionally a gay role. )

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Ann Brenoff says just be yourself and I think she’s right

Please talk to me.

Please talk to me.

I’ve loved Ann Brenoff’s writing before, and I really liked this more recent post. So refreshing, really, to come to accept yourself and then use that new-found strength of position in the job interview market. What a concept!

Ann suggests admitting to or owning your real age, and turning that on its head to your benefit. My own experience with Job  Hunt “boot camps” and such was that there was a huge divergence on this issue, with some people suggesting you put on the resume the years of college or your jobs in past decades, while others counseled to keep them out, as it would be the kiss of death.  So in other words, there is/was no answer to this.

I’m of the opinion that it makes more sense to leave them in. After all, you’ve worked for that experience, might as well try and use it to your benefit. And really, if the person on the other side of the desk is an ageist douche, do you want to work there anyway? I doubt it.

Which leads me to dyeing hair – not! On us men, anyway, looks absurd, it always looks fake. Think Mitt Romney: did it help? I don’t think it did. Job hunt gurus often suggest other humiliating insults to self, like losing weight, getting a new wardrobe, whitening one’s teeth, etc., which I suppose are all good things, I mean no one wants to work with a slob — but the truth is, trying to shave years off your life in the pursuit of our national fetish of youth worship, will only have slim results for the vast majority. At a certain point — I mean, you’re 60, you’re just not going to look 30, nor should you. If Cher has given up, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Brenoff says accept that the reason you’re in the interview is that they wanted someone with your experience, i.e., give them credit for reading between the lines. They’re not stupid. They figured out how old you were before you came in, and they want you in the room.
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She says don’t act like a parent, but talk about experience in a way that the younger person (perhaps the one hiring you) can relate to. Young people are curious, they really are, although so many people today seem to be blase, or just trying to appear cool. I’ve personally met younger people who admit to not knowing everything. A shock, I know, as I certainly did when I was that age!

There is that communication generation gap — texting vs email vs calling — what I’m finding out is that everyone is different. In my previous PR jobs, those people just love to chat chat chat on the phone, that was always highly preferred to emailing someone. I have noticed that people under the age of 40 (give or take a few years) absolutely love to text, and I do have relationships/friendships with several people in their 20s and we never talk on the phone. Come to think of it, I may never have spoken to these people on the phone. Ever. It’s text and other online forums like Facebook messaging.

Overall, what I liked so much about Ann’s refreshing take on all this is that she’s considered the advice she got out there, in the depression that we’re still in, and came out the other side and said you know what – you’re wrong. It’s always best to be authentic (and I don’t mean that in any kind of EST-y, Forum-like way), to just be yourself. The best advice I’ve ever gotten job-hunt wise was from someone who told me to “relax and be yourself. They’re either looking for someone like you or they’re not, so your only job is to be yourself.”

And what if they’re really not looking for someone like Jim Arnold (or insert your name here)? That’s when I become the boss of me.

 

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Adventures in CarFree L.A.: My One Month Without Wheels

I'm not in this line.

I’m not in this line.

Well, it’s been a month! I sold my car on June 7. It’s been 30 days without a car, and so far the world has not come crashing in on me.

Mostly, I knew what I would encounter. Since I work at home, there was no commute for that on a daily basis.

I’d already experimented with grocery shopping using my bike, now outfitted with panniers. So I knew that worked – if anything, the only thing I’d say about this month with no car at my beck and call, is that there were fewer to no impulse “treats” bought — like if I really really wanted that Haagen-Dazs or chilly refreshing root beer, I’d have to walk over or get on the bike. So there was less of that. My waistline is grateful.

I did experiment with going to the beach using public transport. I took the Red Line subway to the Wilshire Boulevard Rapid Bus #720, picking it up at Vermont. It deposits you right at Palisades Park, Ocean Avenue and Wilshire in Santa Monica, so you get right to the beach (a short walk down the steps and over the pedestrian bridge spanning Pacific Coast Freeway Highway). The good: it gets you right there, for a total cost of $3 (that’s with 1 transfer, I bought a day pass for $5 which made more sense), I was able to read on the bus (Kindle on Android) and I got a seat both ways, which surprised me since it was a heat-wave Sunday, there was very little waiting time — that bus runs every few minutes, and the subway runs about every 10 minutes. No paying for parking at the beach or searching endlessly for a free space somewhere. The not-so-good: it takes forever to get there and get back, between 1.5 hours and 2 hours each way! 

So, if you’re spending a couple of hours on the sand, is it worth it to make what is basically a 4 hour round trip (it’s around 20 miles, give or take a few, across the urban congestion of L.A. and West L.A.)? I think that for me personally, next time I’ll plan to spend the day there doing things in addition to my sunworshipping on the sand. That way, it seems more reasonable for the distance and also, travel times would be both later and earlier, thus hopefully a bit shorter.

Then again, one of the tenets to car-free living in a gigantic place like Los Angeles is that you basically “live” in your neighborhood. The beach is not in my neighborhood, so I have to accept that. What I will say is that it’s pretty much a nightmare getting there from the valley with a car as well — unless you leave at 4 a.m.

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I had one minor accident/mishap, totally my fault, and not on the street. It was in the lobby of my apartment building, where I foolishly decided to back up while still astride my bike. I got my foot caught in the pedals and fell backwards on top of the thing. I’m OK, and so it the bicycle, but it was a little bloody.

I’ll spare you a photo of that.

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That Whole Daddy Thang

My daddy photo.

My daddy photo.

OK, first of all, Alan Cumming as a daddy? I don’t think so. Also, Tom Ford is a little too fancy-schmancy to be a daddy. He can be of a certain age, for sure: most of us get there, and we’re lucky to be there. Anderson maybe, but just barely; I believe he’s what you might call prematurely gray, therefore prematurely daddy. Though I’m certainly not complaining. . . and the fourth photo, I don’t know who this guy is, but obviously that’s to my detriment, as not only is said subject quite attractive, he’s also apparently famous enough to be photographed in front of a step-and-repeat banner. I blame this not on senility but on my aversion to pop culture; I simply don’t watch enough TV. Cause let’s face it, I’m an old fart.

This is a well-written and funny article, as everything Mike Albo touches is. I enjoyed it very much. That’s not to say that this “daddy” thing is anything new at all; I think it might be new to the writer and so we all see things from our own perspective. And that’s fine.

I’ve been treading in the dangerous daddy waters now for quite a few years (more or less 15 years longer than a certain writer). And thank the goddess for that! There was a time in my late 30s – early 40s where I could not get arrested in a gay bar or in an AOL chat room (yes, Mary, I’m that old). But then age takes over, as it will, and suddenly guys my age still don’t want anything to do with me, but college men (and probably a few years older, up to about 30 or so) do.

I started seeing younger men around the turn of the century, and I’ll never forget the first time I took a college student out to dinner (I was in my early 40s at the time). A really good way to be put in your place and to be totally ignored by the “free market” — by that I mean the turning heads at the restaurant were 100% about my very attractive dark curly-haired date, and I might as well have been invisible. Maybe I was!

I’m still “Facebook friends” with this person, though he lives a continent away now. That one either got away, or just didn’t last, but I’ve continued to enjoy the occasional attentions of men that age, always constantly amazed that they’re interested in such a difference in years.

One of the nicest things about this kind of attraction from the younger set is that they really are interested in someone who’s genuinely older; as in, there’s no expectation of a six-pack (at least of the abdominal variety) or a smooth body, no wrinkles and hair with a full complement of pigment. No, what attracts these guys is maturity in look and in attitude. Given the general unforgiving nature and youth worship of our gay culture, it’s a relief being valued for WYSIWYG (even if it might be someone’s fetish).

The one thing in the article I might take an issue with is where Mike says that his group of 40-something guys is the largest group of gay-identified men to grow older – I’d like to know where the stats on that come from. The generation that’s older – the Baby Boomers – just has way, way more people in it, gay and straight and all the rest. Even despite AIDS mortality, I think that’s still a bigger group of out gay men who are getting older.

Anyway, I’m glad daddies continue to be popular. We certainly don’t want to be going anywhere anytime soon!

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