Tag Archives: intergenerational gay relationships

Real Stories of Older-Younger, Man to Man Sex 2: Nick

So Nick isn’t his real name, and that’s not really his photo, either. Needed something to make you look, did I not? Anyway, here’s another older-younger meet, and how I remember it.

Nick lives in a city in the same state as I do, a city I used to live in myself and that I often visit, though less so in the last couple of years. Hopefully, that will be rectified, and I can see Nick and others like him more often.

I’m not sure exactly which app I met Nick through, but I am sure it was internet-mediated. Absolutely did not meet on the street or in any other meet-cute sort of way. I’m somewhat sure it was daddyhunt (daddyhunt.com) and as I think I’ve stated elsewhere, even if I didn’t meet that many guys in sheer number from silverdaddies or daddyhunt, the quality of those I did meet with what I was looking for (and what they were looking for) was way more on target every single time than the all-ages focus of apps like Grindr and Scruff.

I was staying with a relative the first time I met Nick and although it was initially kind of embarrassing to let this straight woman know I had a (hopefully) sexual liaison planned. I got over it, though, and she was eminently cool about it though I detected some hesitation on her part about the difference in our ages. She got over that and I got over feeling slutty.

Anyway. I met Nick at a pre-arranged coffeeshop, late afternoon. It was raining, as is kind of normal for this city. We had the requisite coffee and donut or cookie. Nick was around 30, about my height (5-7, could have been taller but not by much), light brown or dark blond hair. Build substantial, not fat, more like corn fed very healthy type of composition. He was charming and enthusiastic, maybe just a touch unsure of himself, which to me made him even more desirable, at least in the moment.

We both knew that this was most likely not an ongoing romance, but we did want to have sex, and neither of us had a place where we could host (he lived with roommates; I was staying in my relative’s living room with her cat), but Nick was resourceful. He knew of a place fairly close by that rented jacuzzi rooms by the hour.
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A short bus ride (yes, we took a city bus together to our tryst) away, this love location was an all-orientation business. In the individual rooms, there was not only your very own jacuzzi, but a full size bed (actually, I think it was an air mattress but a very substantial one with a high base), and a shower. In the cool and rainy weather the room was also heated appropriately so it was perfectly comfortable to get naked — which we did.

Can I tell you how much I do love having sex in a water environment? Because I do; because of residual effects from prostate cancer, the inevitable tiny leaks I experience when having sexual activity upright were just frankly not noticeable. Which I appreciate.

So most of the action between Nick and I occurred in the jacuzzi, and it was consummated, you might say, on the bed. We didn’t take longer than our hour, but we did make the most of it. There even was time for some cuddling and spooning and pillow talk. Nick had (has!) a large penis and did not seem to realize this much (or, at least, at this stage in our interactions, he did not say anything to emphasize this) which was a bit of a surprise. Obviously, it was an extra added attraction to the jacuzzi room.

We kept in touch via the Internet and still do. It’s great to see some of the younger guys I’ve known this way finish schooling and start careers (the case with Nick). We’ve gotten together since that initial time and probably will again, if I can make a visit and we can time it right. By now he’s had more experience with men and knows his size is something, let’s say, above average, and has told me thus and how he wants to use it to more effect with me. I say go for it. I’d like that.

 

 

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Ten Tips on How to Seduce the Older Gay Man — and Where to Find Him

imagesI’m kind of thrilled that my blog post “Ten Reasons Younger Gay Men Like Older Gay Men” has become so popular (the most popular by far of any blog post I’ve ever written) though I suspect a lot of those people are looking for porn and are likely disappointed once they see I have none on my site. Oh well. . .

So in that vein, those of you who are interested in having an older gentleman in your life must approach the task differently than you would if you were going after another 25-year-old. At the very least you will have more success if you follow some or all of my suggestions below.

Here they are, in no particular order, how to seduce that older gay man:

  • Persistence pays. Really. Those of us over 50 have a lot on our plates, and when we don’t, we’re catching up on other things like errands and binge-watching “Orange is the New Black.” Never, ever think of yourself as a pest — there is a lot of truth to that old saw about the squeaky wheel being the one that gets greased. Keep asking, and don’t give up. Keep. Asking. I can vouch for this one from personal experience.
  • Afternoon delight. Your over-50 man is, well, he’s over 50. There is some truth to another familiar old saying — “old and tired.” They weren’t kidding about the tired part! Especially at night. Your man probably has a lot of daytime commitments and the goddess knows that at this age any kind of beauty rest helps. That’s what I’m saying about “afternoon delight.” Most guys I know who are my age, more or less, really like having sex in the afternoon. Sorry young men, but at midnight we’ve already been asleep in our jammies for an hour or more.

  • Low noise level. Your man is not likely to enjoy a lot of things over a certain decibel level, such as dance clubs where the most fun is stuffing dollars in go-go boy jockstraps (wait, maybe that would work with earplugs) or rock concerts for anybody who got famous after, say, 1980. So he’s just not going to be there; go if you like, but don’t expect to meet him there.
  • Educate yourself on the best online venues. Grudgingly, it seems inevitable that websites and apps will replace some of the “cute meet” of days gone by. Like those days gone by for the entire history of human beings, but I digress – it worked well enough for all generations of gay men up to this one, but for some reason (could it be laziness?) people don’t want to go out in public anymore. So, there are some online destinations better for those over 50. Think Scruff, not Grindr; think Silverdaddies or Daddyhunt rather than Adam4Adam or Dudesnude. And, if you’re looking for someone over the age of, say, 60, I’d eliminate smart phone apps altogether. It’s just not gonna happen.
  • Educate yourself on the best offline venues. Again, forget the loud clubs all the young guys go to. Coffeehouses, art galleries, museums, civic/political gatherings, community college or university extension classes, specific groups that cater to an over-50 crowd (for instance, here in Los Angeles we have the LGBT Community Center, which has a lot of programming for this group; there’s also groups like the California Men’s Gathering, which consists largely of middle-aged to older gay men and those who appreciate them).

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  • Be direct – I can’t emphasize this enough. Older guys who may be interested in an advance from a younger man likely won’t make the first move — why? Because there’s an enormous stigma and the possibility of ridicule looms fairly high here. People are also confused as to what constitutes romantic or sexual interest and what is just friendliness. For those of us over 50, gaydar is also significantly hampered by the younger generations all appearing the same – it used to be easy to figure out who was gay or straight; now, not so much. So if you’re a young guy and you like an older guy, let him know in very clear terms. This will really get things moving along much more quickly.
  • Anticipate his interests: appreciate that he’s been on the planet longer, so indeed may have other interests, which may include things like books, plays, opera, gardening, travel — to just mention a few — or he may have none of these interests. What is likely, though, is that his interests and yours won’t be the same, and he can learn from you, as well as you learning from him. But it’s important to have that willingness and to not expect to like the same things.
  • Cultivate a desire for long lovemaking sessions: it took me a long time to realize that activity between two men where only one of them or even neither of them climaxes is still sex. Maybe not the usual ideal we’re fed in standard porn, but it’s sex nonetheless. Don’t denigrate kissing and cuddling, either. His physical response as an older man will likely be fierce and highly practiced, however it may take a while for that fire to get going. He’s also probably not going to like an attitude of “wham bam, thank you Sam.” Luxuriate in that bliss which has taken a lifetime to mature.


  • Cultivate an expertise in a wide variety of sexual expression. Again, there is that standard porn script which all of us have seen ad nauseam — it all starts with the kiss, goes to oral and ends up anal with someone getting boinked. There’s really so much more, so read up. There’s leather, there’s water sports, there’s rubber, there’s probably a giant list of things even I haven’t heard about at my advanced age. I guess younger people are as apt as older to be interested in lots of different things, I just think of older guys having been around longer and interested in more. But heck, I could be wrong. Read or listen to Dan Savage for awhile, his advice show is illuminating for the variations in people’s sexual tastes. Also, just because he’s older, don’t assume he will be the “top” all the time. His fondest desire may be to be under you on the living room rug being drilled into next week.
  • Finally, resist the urge to know everything. There’s one of my favorite quotes, often misappropriated to Oscar Wilde, but it’s actually from J.M. Barrie, “The Admirable Crichton”: I’m not young enough to know everything. Don’t try to impress him by being an expert on every subject. I’m sure you’re smart and knowledgeable and all that, but no one likes to be reminded of it, and you’ll likely trip up at some point. Regardless, that kind of behavior is obnoxious and you don’t want him to slip away, now do you?

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