Whether you go by air, by car, by boat or by foot — traveling solo can be a learning experience. Here are five things I’ve learned on my various travels by myself:

I’m Not as Shy as I Thought

When I was a kid, I was quite hesitant to reach out to other kids and had a somewhat difficult time making friends, especially after a certain age (like, when adolescence kicked in). This is a real handicap to development. Remember, the Smiths’ hit song goes: “shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to.”

That’s my take on it too. But when traveling solo, interacting with people you don’t know is an imperative, simply because there is no one else you know where you find yourself. I realized that, like so many things, it was a process of desensitization. The more you do it (talk to strangers) the easier it becomes. I’d even say that today I wouldn’t describe myself as shy, though I was described that way as a child.

The World is Way Friendlier Than You Think

Another thing I’ve learned traveling solo, especially in countries outside of my own (the U.S.) is that the people of the world are, in general, friendly. Americans are brought up with this crazy and inaccurate sense of exceptionalism, that anything and everything is always better in the U.S., which is, frankly, bullshit. I suppose this largely comes out of victory in WWII when we were the leaders of the “free” world for a while. That period is certainly over now.

Meeting citizens of other countries in their lands enriches a person and makes them more human, simply by absorbing the perspective of the other person, which is going to be different. This ranges from slightly different (say like Canada) to incredibly different (I’ll say India, where I haven’t been, but seems to be a good example). I think to become a citizen of the world is a worthy aspiration.

Overnight Trains/Red Eye Planes/Interstate Rest Stops are real Money Savers

Are you a frugal type? I usually try to be, though doing that effectively does require planning and research. Sometimes I’m too lazy to do that, but this hack never fails to save a few bucks.

I first discovered that you could save money on youth hostel fees by taking overnight trains while traveling solo in Europe, when I went backpacking for a bit after high school. Most trains had seats that you could pull out to lie flat, and I remember using my parka (I was there in winter) rolled up as a pillow. Granted, it’s easier to accept a little discomfort at 18 that would be less tolerable at 65.

I still take red eye flights (especially to the east coast, where it makes sense with the time change) when I don’t need to be extremely alert upon arrival – so basically for any kind of travel other that business. And, when driving, I nap in my car at rest stops in lieu of paying for a motel room – or when I didn’t plan and no room was available. Not as comfy as a bed, for sure, but it does work — so I always include my pillow and a blanket when I pack for a road trip.

Despite the Stereotypes, Texas is Actually a Really Fun Place

To visit, anyway. Not sure I’d want to live there but — for a liberal gay guy from the west coast, makes sense to be wary about Texas, which at least has a reputation of being a bastion of gun-toting reactionaries who never left the 19th century. Media – especially movies and television — has done little to dispel this false stereotype. I say false because in reality, it’s not my lived experience.

I’ve been surprised on just about every trip I’ve made to Texas – no matter if it was a road trip, like in my recent mostly-true memoir Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America, or a more mundane business trip or film festival trip. I’ve found Texas to be fun, urbane, cultured, inquisitive, and happening. Perhaps there are rural pockets of the state that are more like the stereotype, but I’ve yet to come across them – and hope I don’t!

Fiber Comes in Capsules! Take a Bottle with You.

How unpleasant, to bring up bathroom habits while traveling. But yes, I’ll go there.

Without fail, I get constipated when traveling. Probably more as I got older, but still, it’s frightfully unpleasant and inconvenient. I suppose it’s a combination of routines being interrupted as well as diet alterations, coming together to deal a death blow to regularity.

I tried for years to just tweak the diet so I was eating like usual, but that ultimately didn’t work so well, because it was hard to control. Then I discovered Metamucil for everyday use at home, and then – I discovered that fiber came in capsules in a little bottle! Who knew? Certainly not me. But how perfect are these little fiber pills for trips? Honestly, since I discovered this secret-in-plain-sight, I haven’t been constipated while away from home. Highly recommended!

In a previous post I listed Five Reasons to Take a Road Trip, but where there’s pluses, inevitably you find a few minuses. Here’s Five Cons to Taking a Road Trip.

Oh, My Aching Back and Legs!

We’ve all been bombarded with information during the pandemic emphasizing that sitting on your ass all day in front of a computer is bad for you. We knew that; we’ve heard that for years. Basically sitting in the driver’s seat is the exact same position and is equally as bad if not more so, as at least at home you have the option of standing up and stretching every few minutes if you want.

Doing that in a car would be impossible, or if not strictly impossible, highly inconvenient. As I’ve aged, I increasingly suffer from stiffness, as well as other aches and pains. I have what was diagonosed as lumbar radiculopathy, a fancy phrase for sciatica, which affects me more in the front of my leg than in back.

My solution on long road trips is to set a timer and actually pull off the road and walk around/stretch every hour at least. Seems to help a lot even if it makes the trip longer. That, and Ibuprofen.

I Have All The Time in the World – Or Not

Talking about the United States here — the country (continental 48 states) is huge and it takes a really long time to get places in a motor vehicle (especially west of the Mississippi). Your level of patience is something to gauge before you head out on a big road trip. You might very well get bored or anxious. In our world, we expect, more and more, instant gratification.

Additionally, it’s tough to plan a lengthy road trip with great accuracy. The longer you’re on the road, the more likely it is you’ll encounter bad weather or a mechanical problem, which leads me to:

A Car is a Machine with Parts that Break and Wear Out

It took me a long time to not feel that car failures were personal in nature. That my car wouldn’t get really mad at me (like, for not washing it enough) and fail; that it was, merely, a collection of inanimate parts that worked together to achieve movement and at times, parts in that sequence would collapse.

They’d get old and die, they’d just wear out, they’d crack under extreme heat or cold or axle-busting potholes. Tires would go flat. Starters would not start anything. The radiator would overheat or spring a leak. Wiper blades would crack and disintegrate during operation, right in front of your eyes, while your windshield fogs up reducing visibility (while you’re going 70) to near zero.

My solution to accepting the inevitability of of mechanical failure is a AAA membership and a credit card.

Danger Lurks

Personal Danger, (assault, robbery. . .) certainly is something to be wary of on the road, though I do think using common sense can minimize the danger of encountering it. For instance, we’ve all seen or heard about the ghostly hitchhiker. Solution: Don’t stop to pick one up. What about homicidal truck drivers, like in Spielberg’s first film Duel? Avoid road rage of any kind by assuming that the other car/truck is always right, and you never are. But what if you’re in the right? Reality check: Do you want to be right or do you want remain alive?

Try to avoid highway rest stops for extended visits (though even I sometimes take naps at those — but try to park away from other people). Beware of large truckstops which may be magnets for individuals with criminal intent. In Native American country, there’s always the Skinwalker.

Another form of danger: Bad Weather – thunderstorms, blizzards or other snow, tornados, searing heat, hurricanes, etc. Most of these can seem to appear out of nowhere. I once had to outflank several funnel clouds while driving in New Mexico, in the middle of nowhere, with no shelter or buildings of any kind in sight. Harrowing! Perhaps even more problematic when you usually live in a benign climate (like Southern California, where I live) and suddenly encounter “real” weather.

Nutrition is a Challenge

It takes a lot of planning, preparation and then replenishing to bring your own healthy food, though it’s doable. I’ve taken trips with the cooler stocked up and it’s turned out great. It’s an extra layer to your packing for the trip but worth it. I prefer to eat food I’ve prepared myself, knowing what’s in it and all that. I’d usually prep two meals per day plus bottled water and snacks, and then splurge with one meal bought on the road.

Options along the interstates are usually unhealthy fast food, or even worse, in those little stores attached to gas stations – that packaged dreck they sell can only loosely be called “food.” Heart attack in a bag. Stroke in a sack. Diabetes disaster in wait. So you have to choose carefully, though if you’re lucky enough to be passing a city while the hunger urge strikes, you probably can find something awesome.

In my new, mostly-true memoir of a road trip (Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America), I do talk about my food choices, though it was a long time ago. I’ve gotten much healthier since then! You can also probably find more than five cons to taking a road trip!

For long distances, especially cross regions or across country, getting behind the wheel sounds decidedly inconvenient and unpleasant. It would seem much nicer to settle into a comfy airliner seat, take a nap and then – voila, you’re landing in a place it would have taken many hours or a couple of days to drive to.

As nice as that may be, there are benefits to covering your tracks the old fashioned way. Here’s just five reasons to take a road trip:

Scenery

The geography of the United States is stunning as well as varied. You can fly high over the Rockies on a clear day and see the mountains and snow, but the raw experience of actually driving through a mountain district is something everyone should experience at least once.

The pine scent, coming up on a sudden snow squall, a small herd of deer at the side of the highway, even the slush at the exit to a rest stop are all part of the sensual journey through a real landscape. You don’t get that from staring down from 35,000 feet.

That’s just one example – substitute mountains for desert, or desert for coastline, and you get the idea.

People

On a plane, you might meet somebody from, let’s say, Albuquerque. They may give you the resident’s silver dollar description of the highlights and lowlights of their town. A richer experience is to chat up, say, a waiter at a diner, who can give you a local’s opinion of one must-see sight before you have to drive out of town, in a way that only the local can tell it.

Or, you may see people that upend what you previously thought about a particular place. For instance, in driving through Kansas, I’ve seen cowboys. Stetsons, jeans, boots, something I thought might be reserved for a place like Texas. In Kansas I thought I’d see overalls only. So, a road trip can be a stereotype-buster.

Regional Food

I guess an airline could serve you some version of regional cuisine. But, of course, it would be dry, probably either overheated or cold, and be overpriced. No comparison at all with going to a restaurant on the ground that serves authentic local cuisine.

Also, food that’s mass produced like something for a chain or an airline has little incentive to be innovative or surprising. Independent restaurants in out of the way places are the exact opposite. Whether it’s Texas barbecue, Cajun recipes in Louisiana, seafood in New England or Americanized German or Scandinavian dishes in the upper Midwest, you find delicious authenticity on the road.

Serendipity

A relaxed road trip sets up perfect circumstances for serendipity to happen. Most often for me this has meant coming across something in the landscape that I did not know was there, but yet it turned out to be the perfect thing for the time and place.

I was off the main roads to get to Mt. Rushmore; then I realized that an iconic image from a movie I loved (Devil’s Tower in Wyoming, from Close Encounters of the Third Kind) was within easy driving distance of where I was, so I could include that on my itinerary. Or, meeting a sexy guy by chance in Boston, who turns out to live in Denver, a stop on my journey. He turned out to be a fortuitous tour guide and well, a lot more. Which brings me to:

The Kindness of Strangers

Especially now in our hyper-partisan world, it’s pretty easy to lump huge swaths of territory into stereotypes. On a road trip we’re reminded that people are individuals, and most often, friendly and hospitable.

The very nature of a road trip — you’re in a car that must stop for gas and food and rest, at least at some point — makes it likely that you’ll come in contact with locals, who can add a tremendous amount of color to a journey through a particular area. Whether it’s an historical perspective, a suggestion for a restaurant, or directions to your next stop via much more interesting back roads, it’s the people who live there that give a region its personality. Definitely something you can’t get from reading about an area or flying high above it.

Those were just Five Reasons to Take a Road Trip, though there are many more. To find out what I found on my own road trip, check out my new book Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America.