Category Archives: GLBT issues

Gay Midlife Musings: Unsung Gay Heroes in our Midst

After reading Glenn Greenwald’s book “No Place to Hide: Edward Snowden, the NSA, and the U.S. Surveillance State” I am astounded once again that neither Glenn Greenwald nor Chelsea Manning have been written about in the gay and gay-ish media with the import and perspective they deserve.

Glenn Greenwald

David Miranda and Glenn Greenwald

Bradley Manning/Chelsea Manning

Arguably, these two people–this one gay man and this one trans woman–have been at the moral center of international secrecy and disclosure in the last year or two, yet hardly a peep from those of our institutions (the Gay Centers, the Parade Groups, the political and fundraising groups) when it comes time to lionize and defend our own.

I took a cursory look at who we (the gay community in the U.S.) have honored at galas, parades and whatnot in the last year or so, and I came across people like Jennifer Lopez, Bill Clinton, Anderson Cooper, Norman Lear . . . not to say that these folks are not deserving of awards, I’m sure they are, but there’s only one gay person among those names above and I’m not sure any of them, including Clinton, have done anything near the importance of what Manning (especially) and Greenwald have done.

Basically Chelsea Manning gave up her freedom — what would have otherwise been likely as a nice, normal life by exposing American crimes in Iraq. Greenwald used his profession as a journalist to expose the unbelievably massive and likely unconstitutional spying/surveillance program of the USA’s NSA (though the disclosures of Edward Snowden) greatly putting himself and his partner David Miranda at risk. (As far as I know, Glenn Greenwald still lives in Brazil and will not come to the U.S. because of the possibility/probability of detainment, even though he is an American citizen.)

What they have done, or helped to do, is very much in the tradition of LGBT people throughout history — we’ve often served as shamans, seers, philosophers, as well as teachers, magicians, composers artists and writers. Since we were almost always not part of the mainstream, we took that distance and reflected something back to society at large. I see that Manning and Greenwald are very much in this tradition.

Is the fact that we can’t see and honor this because we’re in the middle of history as it’s happening and don’t have perspective?

Or is it something else, as in, don’t rock the boat, people. They just gave us marriage, after all. A couple of years before that, they gave us the right to be open in the military. Hard fought gains, to be sure.

Don’t rock that boat.

But what Manning did and what Greenwald has played a decisive role in reporting on has an extremely far-reaching impact in the very fiber of our beings as well as the national psyche.

Are we embarrassed because Chelsea’s transgenderism shines a light where we’d rather not have it go? Do we not want to say we support Greenwald because then it pits us as also opposed to the NSA, perhaps the most insidious organization of our government? I’m not quite sure what the reasons are, but these are revolutionary actions by our own. Why aren’t we owning them? Honestly, what’s happened to our in-your-face-culture since the days of ACT UP, and before that, Harvey Milk and Stonewall?

Here is the one story I did see. And this one, I presume from the tone, written by a straight ally.

Link to my previous post on Chelsea Manning.

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Update on what’s happening to Gays in Russia: Moscow Gay-Pride Rallies Have Been Reduced to This

In Photos: Moscow Gay-Pride Rallies Have Been Reduced to This.

images Ah June, all rainbows and boas and every day it seems another U.S. state decides that bans on marriage equality are, well, unconstitutional. Yay us! We’re so awesome.

Truly, let’s not forget other parts of the world, where living as an open LGBT-type person is either a huge struggle or plain illegal. Iran, Nigeria, Uganda . . . Russia.

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I don’t know what to do about it, but I do know that keeping silent about it is most certainly the wrong answer.

During this season of pride, lets not forget our brothers and sisters in Russia.

Jason Jenn does James Broughton: Ecstasy for Everyone

James Broughton, 1987

A little plug for friend Jason Jenn‘s one man show celebrating the poetry of James Broughton, “Ecstasy for Everyone,” playing at Spirit Studio in Silver Lake this February and March — with further dates and cities to be announced.

Was so happy to go and hear these words as spoken and sung by Jason — I did not know much about Broughton before and certainly still don’t know a lot, but I got a great introduction. From Jason’s program: “The sacred and the profane, united and whole, with love. What spoke to me so profoundly about James’ work was its unabashed sense of spiritual and sexual liberation. It may have taken most of his life to come to the full extent of that expression, but the themes are played with throughout his life’s work: that spirituality and sexuality can co-exist harmoniously as well as our masculine and feminine energies within — and that they must or we merely perpetuate the terrible war of duality. So here we are this evening, tucked away in a dark corner of the searchlight skies and marquee-light boulevards of Los Angeles, inside an intimate spiritual community center to celebrate both aspects of our human nature, the divine heights and the earthly delights.”

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Go! (to find out about more/future performances, check out HiveWorld.org)

EcstasyForEveryone

Meanwhile, in Russia: There Are No Gays in Sochi. . .

or so says the moronic mayor of Sochi. Alas, as always, just because you say something stupid doesn’t make it true. As much as he might like to believe there are no gays in his town, for sure there are, and many, many more are on their way, from around the world. Hope it makes him sad, I really do, when his idiocy is pointed out to him. Perhaps by members of our own delegation, perhaps by Billie Jean King or Brian Boitano!

I was disappointed last night in the State of the Union Address, where President Obama said something about rah-rah rooting for our team in the upcoming Winter Olympics in Sochi, which begin a week from Friday (February 7). It was the perfect opportunity, I thought, for him to condemn the Putin regime’s human rights abuses toward the Russian LGBT community.

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One can always hope but one doesn’t always get satisfaction. If nothing else, please remember to take the corporate sponsors of this Olympics to task as they are complicit in co-sponsoring the hate by their very act of sponsorship.

They are (the 10 major): Atos, Coca-Cola, Dow, General Electric, McDonald’s, Omega, Panasonic, Proctor & Gamble, Samsung, and Visa. They’ve attempted to wash their hands of this ugliness by pointing out their own inclusive corporate policies. Sorry, corps, that doesn’t work. Shame on you all.

Here, if you need a refresher, is how the enlightened country of Russia treats its LGBT citizens. Share widely.

imgres images

LGBT and the Russian Human Rights Abuses

Gay Russian protestors under assault.

Oh what to do, what to say about this? Something, for sure. I couldn’t just not talk about it, even though it’s one of those things, not so different from climate change in that regard, where the individual feels that there’s probably little they can do on their own to mitigate or stop this horror.

I mean, I can’t just pop over to Moscow or St. Petersburg and grab a bunch of LGBTs and bring them home with me.

Yet this reminds me so much of what I’ve read about what happened in Germany in the 1930s with the Jews (and later gays, and gypsies, and . . .) — first laws restricting, ever increasing in scope, until they were legally marginalized as a group and then of course we know what happened after that. Russia is going through the same initial motions with the LGBT community there, outlawing any positive speech about LGBT under the guise of protecting children. (see this link for specific information about the laws in Russia)

What is clear to me is that we cannot stand by and not say or do anything. If not us, who? If not now, when?

There’s lots of things/ways to protest, on the table, that people and organizations and governments are doing. Let’s look at them, let’s see what makes sense for us in both groups and as individuals.

Boycott Vodka — a lot of bars and towns are boycotting vodka purchases and drawing attention to this by doing “public pours” down storm drains, etc. My take: great as an attention-draw-er, as publicity stunt without much practical impact — as I understand the vodka industry is not Russia-based. Still, it’s a cultural touchstone and this is a way to draw attention to the matter.
Boycott Olympics in Sochi – the Winter Olympics in February, 2014, will be held in Sochi, a city on the Black Sea in southern Russia. The various proposals are to boycott nationally – as in, not send a team (which won’t happen, at least from the U.S.) or to pressure the IOC to move the Olympics to a city where they’d recently been held, such as Vancouver. I honestly don’t know how effective this would be. It’s probably too late to make it happen now regardless. What lasting effects did the western boycott of the Moscow 1980 Olympics and their corresponding get-you-back boycott of the Los Angeles Olympics in 1984 have? I’m not sure either was a factor in the collapse of the Soviet Union, which was a massive economic meltdown five years later. Russian LGBT have purportedly said this is NOT a good idea, they would like the world to come to Sochi to keep the spotlight on the human rights abuses of the home country.

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Ten Reasons Older Adult Gay Men Like Younger Adult Gay Men

Christopher Isherwood (l) and Don Bachardy in the late ’70s.

For this week, the 10 reasons from the point of view of the older guy in the intergenerational pairing. *

Again, these are reasons I’ve come up with myself from my own experience or anecdotally from things I’ve observed.

So here we go, here are some possible reasons an older guy might seek out a younger adult guy:

He’s adorably beautiful: well, duh. The cynics among you will say that this is reasons 2 through 10, as well. Got to admit there is something about that dewy fresh flesh that springs back when you touch it.
He’s agreeable: from postponing dinner till nine to having a Diet Pepsi when he really prefers a Diet Coke (cause it’s all you’ve got) younger men can be more easy going. There’s that shrug: whatever.
He’s enthusiastic: younger guys will often (if not always) want to do something with a consuming passion! They don’t merely say yes; they’re all in.
He’s GGG (good, giving, game) – this comes from Dan Savage and his “Savage Love” sex advice program — he strives to be good in bed, to be giving to his partner, and game to try out something which may not be #1 on his own list (see enthusiastic, above).

He’s respectful: By the very nature of finding himself with you, he’s respectful of all the gifts an older person can give to an individual and to society; it used to be that everyone was raised to be that way, these days, not so much.
He’s trying to please: I find that this urge to please the older person is almost always part of the dynamic, often unexpected. But I’m not complaining.
He’s teachable/nurturable: Oscar Wilde famously said, “I’m not young enough to know everything.” But all twentysomethings are not that way, and often I’ve found younger men wanting to learn things that life experience has already taught someone older. (I was not this way, however, I was young enough to know absolutely everything! Now I’m trying to unlearn it all.)
He’s usually more interested in the larger cultural landscape: what I mean is that he often will have interests beyond the narrow diversions of his own particular generation. It may come as a keen interest in winemaking, or opera, or deep sea diving.
He’s accommodating: He knows he can’t have everything his own way so is more likely to compromise and enjoy the differences between the generations, and he’s authentically interested in learning about those differences.
Finally, he’s trusting, he’s expecting that level of integrity from you because you’re an older, hopefully wiser, person. In our cynical times, that’s a refreshing quality.

Just for the record, I’ll date someone of any (adult) age. It’s always an individual attraction thing for me, and there’s no specific type I’m looking for. Do you (either younger or older) date out of your own generation?

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Ten Reasons Younger Adult Gay Men Like Older Adult Gay Men

yes, of course I’m kidding.

From the intergenerational dating realms. . . *

It’s no secret among friends and acquaintances that I’ve often dated men younger than me, sometimes, so much younger (20s, 30s) that I could easily be my adult counterpart’s parent.

The usual response I get from gay men my own age to this is positive; they understand the attraction from my point of view, and many have been in similar situations. Female friends can be, well, less understanding, and in my experience, it doesn’t matter if they’re gay or straight women – they often just don’t understand it (but what do you talk about???)

The short answer to that is, of course, we talk about everything. But wait, what about the younger man? It’s easy to see why an older person would be attracted to younger, in fact, our entire society is based on youth worship! But what about the younger guy? What, in heaven’s name, does he see in the older fellow?

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Here’s ten reasons, totally anecdotal, taken from my own life or from what I’ve observed over the years:

Experience: from the bedroom to the boardroom, older guys usually, though not always, have a better sense of what’s going on. And will be happy to share it with someone younger/not in the know.
Decisiveness: After a certain age, a man usually knows what he wants or doesn’t want and isn’t afraid to vocalize that. Maybe it’s because we realize we don’t have all the time in the world and don’t want to waste it being uncertain.
Mature physicality: I’m constantly amazed that there’s so many younger men who are physically interested in a more mature body, whether it be for the hair, the salt & pepper color, a belly, those distinguishing lines in the face — whatever it may be, there are younger guys who specifically look for those traits.
Money: Let’s face it, some kids are gold diggers. Some older people are, too! An older guy is more likely to be more settled, and a mature relationship with finances can be an anchor during those restless days of youth. In my case, I always tell them I’m a sugar-free daddy.
Mentorship: A lot of young men are at a loss in terms of job and educational advice. They’re not getting it from home and they’re not getting it from the culture. Many of them may have run up against a homophobic brick wall and have no idea how to approach their future. Older gay men have already been through this and can provide some guidance and perspective.

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Kinks: OK, back to sex and not only that, but an entire way of looking at things. Lots of younger guys find they like things on a more, um, wild side. Older men are more likely to have worked through whatever issues – homophobic, shame-based, whatever – surround some kinky activities, and again, are happy to share experience and knowledge with someone younger.
Direction: Some young people honestly don’t know what to do and are happier when someone puts some structure into an otherwise scattershot agenda. Contrary to conventional thinking, total freedom is not necessarily always liberating.
Home: An older guy is more likely to have a home that he owns or has rented for a long time, along with some of the creature comforts and sense of place that come with that: patio furniture, TVs that work, matching dishes, more than one set of sheets, etc. Not everybody wants to live like a grad student forever.

History: Older men have the perspective of history from their own lives as well as (most of the time) a knowledge of the gay community and the struggles we’ve gone through from Anita Bryant to AIDS to D.A.D.T. and marriage equality (and a zillion things in-between). This kind of oral history or learned experience is priceless for someone open to learning about it. Finally:
Daddiness: That quality of protecting and being protected, of nurturing and being nurtured, that feeling that everything’s going to be all right as long as he’s around. That’s a powerful bond wherever it occurs — and has less to do with age than the personalities of the individuals involved.

I’m sure there are other reasons I’ve missed. What would you add?

For both this and the companion post, I’m referring to generations of adult men (over 18) only.

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Consumerist Pride

Ummm, gag me.

Ok, so back on the soapbox. . . You may have seen my earlier posts about Bradley Manning getting thrown under the bus by SF Pride and criticizing gay design house Andrew Christian for being body Nazis in an otherwise sexy promo video.

But still, something doesn’t seem quite right about this link, this “Shopping Party” to kick off Gay Pride. To me, this slides right back into that slippery slope where we commodify everything, as if it’s an occasion to support consumerism, in this case fracking Macy’s and the clothing industry.

The planners of such events try to make it a win-win for everyone (I know this since I used to do some of this kind of thing for a living), in this case, there’s a suggested donation of $20 for a charity that provides LGBT kids with scholarships. That part’s fine. (Although it doesn’t say that a donation of some amount is a requirement for entry.)

But why do we need to hold a Gay Pride kickoff in a freakin’ department store? Where attendees will have the chance to see the “hottest models in town” and purchase the clothes of their dreams?

I think the righteous drag queens of Stonewall and those early Pride marchers would probably vomit just a little at this attempt to conflate a human rights movement with entrenched corporate interest, such as Macy’s.

Let’s remember what it is that we remember with Pride celebrations: it was a REVOLT against police power, specifically, the NYPD’s raiding of gay bars on a routine basis. The citizens targeted in these raids finally had enough and didn’t behave. The legacy we should celebrate is the ability to speak truth to power and to claim a right as full citizens under the laws of this country and not to be harassed.

This is what we should be remembering with Pride. Not that we got some fabulous shirt we saw on a hot model at Beverly Center Macy’s.

Does this bug you, too? Or am I crabby and off base here?

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Has Pride Jumped the Shark?

Bradley Manning, c by Semino1e

or did that happen long ago? Or maybe it’s just been insidious over the years, like the proverbial slow cooking frog in the pot.

We’ve gone from being (mostly) afraid to talk about who we are to having the right to marry and the right to serve our country in the armed forces (and what could possibly be more boring and traditional than these two things?*).

The dark and dangerous area of town where the gay bars (mostly) used to be where I grew up is now a highly desired, yuppie loft paradise. (that’s Milwaukee, Wisconsin)

In recent years, my jaw has dropped further and further to the pavement with the appearance of professional street vendors, the type of guys who come to any public event in Los Angeles, with their carefully and artfully arranged carts of rainbow paraphernalia, no doubt all made in China or another far-away, lower-wage country.

Buy some Pride for yourself! Wear something with a rainbow on it, better yet, several rainbows! I was even given a rainbow Mardi Gras beads at a GLBT lit conference I was recently at. And we’re supposed to be the fashion trendsetters?

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Really?? I guess it’s the price of success, when you become, in so many ways, the status quo. I know we keep this up to show kids from Kansas and Oklahoma and Alabama and all the rest of the officially hateful places that there is an alternative, there is tolerance and acceptance and there is a place for them. And truly, I do remember, it wasn’t always like this.
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So it’s even weirder what happened in San Francisco — remember, this is the City Harvey Milk famously invited queer youth to come to if they wanted to be free — when they threw Bradley Manning under the bus.

I’m not sure if Bradley Manning is a hero or not. He very well may be. But we do know he is a gay man who had the guts to challenge power with huge, unimaginable consequences for himself for the rest of his life. Shining a light on something he felt was deeply wrong and immoral. Since his arrest, he’s been held in solitary. He’s been interrogated. I’m not sure how “enhanced” this was.

Yet he seems to have been met mostly with silence by the official gay community. Cause it might embarrass the somewhat cozy relationship we have with the current administration, or maybe it’s just embarrassing now that we have equality in this area of the military, this gay guy gives our secrets to Wikileaks for the world to know. Well, you knew that would happen once you let those queers in.

The thing of it is, the Gay Pride Movement was founded on the coattails of the civil rights, anti-war, and women’s rights movements of the 1960s, all which challenged the status quo and our definitions of what was right and what was wrong.

That we can’t even come to include Bradley Manning in our embrace of the issues really makes me wonder about the health of Gay Pride as a political force. It’s almost like, “don’t rock the boat, we’re this close guys” type of a thing.

But at what price?

(* by saying this, I’m not discounting that both marriage and the military have advantages, often huge ones, for those who participate in them. I believe everyone should have the right to marry or be in the military should they so choose. What I mean is that these two institutions have failed for many, many people over long periods of time and I question the push to assimilate in this direction, rather than being a beacon of hope and new direction for humanity, which is traditionally a gay role. )

That Whole Daddy Thang

My daddy photo.

OK, first of all, Alan Cumming as a daddy? I don’t think so. Also, Tom Ford is a little too fancy-schmancy to be a daddy. He can be of a certain age, for sure: most of us get there, and we’re lucky to be there. Anderson maybe, but just barely; I believe he’s what you might call prematurely gray, therefore prematurely daddy. Though I’m certainly not complaining. . . and the fourth photo, I don’t know who this guy is, but obviously that’s to my detriment, as not only is said subject quite attractive, he’s also apparently famous enough to be photographed in front of a step-and-repeat banner. I blame this not on senility but on my aversion to pop culture; I simply don’t watch enough TV. Cause let’s face it, I’m an old fart.

This is a well-written and funny article, as everything Mike Albo touches is. I enjoyed it very much. That’s not to say that this “daddy” thing is anything new at all; I think it might be new to the writer and so we all see things from our own perspective. And that’s fine.

I’ve been treading in the dangerous daddy waters now for quite a few years (more or less 15 years longer than a certain writer). And thank the goddess for that! There was a time in my late 30s – early 40s where I could not get arrested in a gay bar or in an AOL chat room (yes, Mary, I’m that old). But then age takes over, as it will, and suddenly guys my age still don’t want anything to do with me, but college men (and probably a few years older, up to about 30 or so) do.

I started seeing younger men around the turn of the century, and I’ll never forget the first time I took a college student out to dinner (I was in my early 40s at the time). A really good way to be put in your place and to be totally ignored by the “free market” — by that I mean the turning heads at the restaurant were 100% about my very attractive dark curly-haired date, and I might as well have been invisible. Maybe I was!

I’m still “Facebook friends” with this person, though he lives a continent away now. That one either got away, or just didn’t last, but I’ve continued to enjoy the occasional attentions of men that age, always constantly amazed that they’re interested in such a difference in years.

One of the nicest things about this kind of attraction from the younger set is that they really are interested in someone who’s genuinely older; as in, there’s no expectation of a six-pack (at least of the abdominal variety) or a smooth body, no wrinkles and hair with a full complement of pigment. No, what attracts these guys is maturity in look and in attitude. Given the general unforgiving nature and youth worship of our gay culture, it’s a relief being valued for WYSIWYG (even if it might be someone’s fetish).

The one thing in the article I might take an issue with is where Mike says that his group of 40-something guys is the largest group of gay-identified men to grow older – I’d like to know where the stats on that come from. The generation that’s older – the Baby Boomers – just has way, way more people in it, gay and straight and all the rest. Even despite AIDS mortality, I think that’s still a bigger group of out gay men who are getting older.

Anyway, I’m glad daddies continue to be popular. We certainly don’t want to be going anywhere anytime soon!

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