Author Archives: JimArnoldLA

Three Favorite Smaller Cities from Wanderslut ’96 Road Trip

When I set out to complete my “circumnavigation” of the lower 48 for Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America, one of the things in the back of my mind was to evaluate stops as possible future places to live.

Not that I was specifically looking to leave L.A. It was more of an answer to a question, “If I were to move someday, where might be a good place to go?”

The criteria were pretty basic back then: a city, a city smaller than Los Angeles (not hard to find), and a city with an arts community that was welcoming to LGBT-type folks. Another thing that was a plus: a warm climate.

These are the three towns that I liked the most in 1996 (listed by order of encounter) :

Tucson

I spent very little time in Tucson but my memory of that particular trip is colored by having a local friend tell me what it was like over dinner. It’s so great to have a familiar face who can show you around a bit when in unfamiliar territory.

I loved the Spanish/Mexican heritage, the pace, the warmth (literal) and the fact there was a major university right in the middle of town.

“A few years older than me, Charlie was primarily in the friend-of-a-friend category, but I knew him tangentially, and liked him. He had a welcoming smile and great big teeth. He picked me up at my motel after the end of his part-time shift at Foley’s (department store), where he shilled furniture. It seemed he was also relieved to see a friendly face.”

Tucson station (from a different trip on Amtrak)

Maybe it was his easy re-entry to his hometown made it seem like a place where I, too, would be welcomed. No real research was done – I just got a very nice vibe from the time spend there.

Austin

It was my first time (first of many now) in Austin and I also had an internet “friend” I was to meet who was going to show me around a bit.

That really helps, when one is a stranger and doesn’t know where to go or even how to get around. The guy showed me Austin’s music scene venues, such as they were in 1996, and the nearby gay bars.

The blogger on 6th Street in Austin back in 1996. (Sorry about the shadows during scanning!)

I guess I was kind of surprised that the gay scene in Texas’s state capital was so big, or at least, bigger than I anticipated.

Also, I remember thinking Austin was a really pretty town. State capitol, another huge university, rivers, lakes, trees. . . even a nude park at Hippie Hollow.

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I even enjoyed (or didn’t mind too much) getting lost:

Then I got lost jogging around what they call the “Town Lake” in Austin. It wasn’t a lake, but a wide part of the Colorado River (also, not that Colorado River, i.e., the one that created the Grand Canyon and that forms the border between California and Arizona, this is a different Colorado River). How could one get lost running in what basically was a circle?

Even though I thought I looked cute in my little black running shorts and nothing else (it was at least 90 degrees and humid) it wasn’t so much fun just having the key to my car but alas, no car. Eventually, I realized I was on the wrong side of the lake/river, and crossed and retraced my steps.

Though even back then I think Austin had started it’s growth – I remember thinking there was way too much traffic for these narrow two lane streets in town.

Fort Lauderdale

Of the three small cities, Fort Lauderdale was the one most obviously with a substantial LGBT presence. It even had the beginnings of a gayborhood, had a great bathhouse, and of course, world-famous beach and proximity to the excitement of Miami.

From my perspective at the time, I thought of it kind of like a “Palm Springs with a beach.”

Didn’t hurt that frisky fun was had there:

Finally, after enough swimming, sunning, whirlpooling and working out, it was back to the steam room to see if anything had changed. It had. There I met Eric in one of those little inviting alcoves, emerging from a cloud of steam.

He was a man of few words. However, what Eric lacked in the verbal department he made up for in the physical presentation: another 30-ish guy, shaved head on top of the most perfect little V-shaped body, dark hairy pecs and a delightful spider tattoo on one shoulder. 

I was sure to have even more fun if I moved there, I thought.

Blogger thinking about the delights of Fort Lauderdale (photo from 1996).

But I didn’t move there, or to either of these other two towns. When I did move, it was to San Francisco – a place I really did enjoy living in for the five years I was there.

Twenty-five years later, the only one of these three towns still left on my internal “maybe move there someday” list is Tucson. Austin’s too big, Fort Lauderdale is, well, in Florida. No thank you. Not that I’ve made any decisions to go anywhere. But I do think about it a lot, and run the numbers.

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Gym Membership vs. Home Gym

While it may not be exactly earth shattering, one of the lingering questions of the pandemic (for me, anyway) has been whether or not to continue a gym membership or to lean into the home gym idea.

With my memberships (I have two which overlap: 24-Hour Fitness and Gold’s Gym) both expiring within a couple of months from now, I had to make some kind of decision soon.

I’m happy to report I’ve made a decision, and that in itself feels good: For now, I’ll be all in on the Home Gym.

Why Home Gym?

What factors influenced my decision?

Convenience. That’s a big one. During the pandemic, I discovered that I was apt to be more consistent with my workouts at home than I ever was with jaunts to the physical gym in the Before Times.

Having my equipment, such as it was – a chin-up bar, a dip bar, mats, and a slew of exercise bands at my side or in the next room was a tremendously easier slog than the alternative.

Not pretty but it is practical – dip bar, in the hallway. Also my exercise bands.

Also, in the categories of what you might call “accessories” are items like exercise attire and tunes for atmosphere. At home, I didn’t have to dress in anything special (or anything at all!) and I got to listen to my own iTunes playlists. Again, with the “equipment” – there was never a wait. It was all, always available.

The Alternative – going to the gym – involved this, at least for me: costuming for the gym; corralling hydration; driving (and fighting traffic) to gym (or biking, each is about a mile from my home, in different directions); parking. Once you entered and locked up your car keys and what have you, you’d find your first exercise and inevitably the apparatus would be in use by another. So you wait or do something else on your list and come back to that exercise later. Which I didn’t like, and found stressful, both the anticipation of the crowd and then trying to remember what I had done and still needed to do for my routine, which always followed a specific order. Which I didn’t/don’t like to deviate from.

Again, it’s functional, and it’s always there. I suppose I could make myself do a pull up every time I went down this hallway!
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So, correctly, you could also add Control to my influence factors alongside Convenience and Consistency. What about other c-words, like Cost, and of course, Cruising?

Let’s talk Cost – some of it seems to be merely absorbed into the overall Jim budget – when pandemic arrived, I already had the chin bar and various mats, as well as all the electronics for music and (exercise) videos. I bought the dip bar thing and the slew of primo exercise bands from Amazon (yes, I am guilty – like all of you) which maybe cost a total of around $150? Whatever it was, it wasn’t much. I’ll talk about the new investment vs. the cost of gym membership in the next section.

As far as Cruising — well to be honest, at 66 years, this is not the priority it once was, where the gym was actually one of the best places in town to meet guys. I’m sure it sill is, for some – but also back then (I’m talking about the 80s, 90s mostly) there weren’t smart phones. Today, practically everyone, it seems, connects with their smart phone between sets, either texting or finding music or Instagramming – or something else which I haven’t yet imagined. What used to happen between sets, kids, is that people used to majorly check each other out and IDK, perhaps even say “hi” to each other. I don’t see that happening much from my own observation but I have noticed the love affair with smart phones only increasing over the years.

What I Bought for the Home Gym

Which brings me to the investment I have made into more equipment.

First, I live in a one bedroom apartment and am going to put the Gym in a corner of my bedroom, so there isn’t much space. Second, I do many things for fitness, many of which are outside aerobic activities, including walking, hiking and biking – so resistance training is only a part of my exercise routine, not the major part. I’m not looking to increase muscle size as much as I am to tone and remain strong enough to avoid the injuries one can face from normal aging.

Bowflex adjustable dumbbells I’m trying.

So, I’m starting out conservatively with the new stuff. I’ve purchased a solid weight bench (needed for many dumbbell exercises) and a pair of adjustable dumbbells (which apparently go from 5 lbs. to about 50 lbs. apiece). The cost for both came to about $700, including shipping and tax. I normally spend about $400 a year on a gym membership here in the L.A. area, so to “break even” I’ll have to commit to the home gym idea for nearly two years.

Sturdy Rogue Fitness bench – it looks very solid, no?

It doesn’t seem like that would be an issue – I’ve already done 14 months out of necessity. But we’ll see – I could miss the traffic, the parking, the crowds, the unusable equipment, the shitty music on the PA system, the inconsiderate mask-averse patrons and be dying to go back to the gym. Who knows? I’ll report back and let you know how it’s going.

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Sexy in the Eye of the Beholder

I saw this, thought it was lovely, so I wanted to share it:

“When gay men accept their own aging bodies and learn to lust after the changing bodies of the men around them, they grow up. When gay men cast off their manufactured youth fetish and celebrate essential, healthy, and whole masculine aging (manliness in all its imperfect manifestations), they discover new sexual possibilities, new ways of imaging and creating themselves, a whole new world where gay liberation becomes a limitless journey and not a restricted destination.”

(This is from “The Ephebe is Dead – Long Live the Bear” by David Greig in The Bear Book II ed. by Les Wright, 2001.)

American culture in general suffers from youth worship, and American gay culture even more so, if that’s possible. Even in 2021 it’s rare to see a photo of anyone over the age of 40 (and certainly no advertising) in any LGBT publication. Life doesn’t end at 35, it never did and it’s really important to remember that, even when the larger culture screams “youth” incessantly.

One of the things about the above quote that rings most true is the notion of a “manufactured youth fetish” – we’re told, mostly by advertisers, to lust after youth and thinness/hairlessness because that’s all we’re shown. The reality is oh, so much broader. Sexy is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

So let’s celebrate our age – whatever it happens to be – as vital, masculine and sexy in its own unique expression.

Here’s some photos of the blogger, from teenage hippie to masked senior citizen. I felt sexy (well, at least a little bit!) in every photo. I hope that continues.

(Here are some great essays from Damon Jacobs on the power of aging and the wisdom that can come from that.)

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Five Things I Did in 1996 That I Don’t Do in 2021

Life has changed in the past 25 years. There’s probably dozens of things I did in 1996 – the year I took the Wanderslut 1996 road trip – that I don’t do in 2021.

Off the top, here are five of these things:

When Cameras Were . . . Cameras

I have a bunch of photos from that road trip. Without exception, I took them with a real camera. I’m painfully aware of this because every time I want to illustrate something from that trip, I have to scan an old print because they’re not digital.

A primitive selfie of the blogger taken in NOLA in 1996. Used the timer on the camera.

I still have a great camera that takes awesome photos, but the truth is I don’t use it that much. Like most people, I suppose, I use the path of least resistance, which, of course, is my smart phone. It’s also a great camera.

I No Longer Go To To The Gym Every Day

For as long as I can remember, there’s been the gay “gym requirement.” The expectation that any interest by an attractive male in one’s direction was directly proportionate to the time one spent in the gym.

This is ridiculous, not to mention exhausting. Yet I dutifully followed this “requirement” for decades. Eventually, age catches up with everything. Also, I discovered I enjoyed other forms of exercise more than lifting weights (including hiking, biking, yoga) – especially things I could do out in the fresh air and sun.

I had bigger muscles back in the ’90s. I miss them, but I don’t want to go to the gym as much, I really don’t.

Since the pandemic began and the subsequent addition of workout equipment for my home, I often wonder what the point is in going to the actual gym, even a few times a week, still having to deal with crowds, waits, traffic and parking. I could so easily set up a mini-gym in a corner of my apartment for comparatively little investment.

Stay tuned on that! But in 1996, really, I went. I showed up. Every. Single. Day.

No Longer Read Actual Printed Magazines

I used to have a bunch of subscriptions – Premiere, GQ, Out, Time, Daily Variety, Hollywood Reporter, Spy – and more – that dovetailed with my work in public relations/publicity. I loved reading the mags and thumbing through them.

Honestly I never thought I’d be one to prefer the screen to actual paper, like so many futurists predicted. I swore I’d resist. I did, for awhile. But inevitably, the convenience and immediacy of digital was a lure I couldn’t resist.

For those that survived, I still read them online, of course. I do miss turning the pages and discovering something, though.

I Don’t Go To The Video Store

If you can even find one! It’s another loss, for sure, because there was always the chance of a great discovery which is not as likely to happen with algorithm-mediated browsing on sites like Netflix.

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What the algorithms fail at is the human possibility of discovering a totally new interest – something you see from the corner of your eye that you think you might like – randomly, not based on any previous behavior. So we’ve lost that.

Actually, I’m not even sure you could find “Boys in the Sand” in a VHS store. I finally got it on DVD!

I miss the Friday night ritual of going (with my boyfriend at the time) to the various video stores to stock up on regular movies as well as gay porn for the weekend. Now I scroll Netflix, HBO, Amazon, GayHotMovies, what have you, alone in my living room.

It’s certainly more convenient, but I’m not sure I’d call it better.

I Don’t Drink Copious Amounts of Diet Root Beer

When I got sober and stopped drinking any kind of alcohol in 1990, my “drink of choice” became diet root beer, which I had always liked because of the flavor and the fact that generally it never contained caffeine.

Ya, not exactly a health food.

It had to be diet because of the sugar and calories. I was going to be sober but I was not going to be fat.

I drank root beer by itself on ice. I drank it with meals. I especially drank it during hot weather to quench my thirst after exercise.

Eventually I came to realize that, in fact, diet root beer is mostly artificially flavored and is actually a chemical stew steeped in carbonation. I was convinced it also made urination more frequent and urgent, which I did not need as I got older.

So now I mostly drink water. Sometimes flavored seltzer-type waters, but usually flat water from the tap. Refrigerated. It hasn’t killed me yet.

I Don’t IRC Chat

Ok, I guess that’s 6 things. But back in ’96 I adored online chatting and the IRC (Internet Relay Chat) protocol conjured up way more interesting guys than America Online could ever hope to.

The thing I liked about it was that it was truly international – I could set up dates with guys from Europe and Brazil which actually then happened in real time and real life. Maybe it was my first sense of how the Internet would really open up the world for me and actually expand my interactions with humans rather than limit them.

Truthfully IRC is no match for apps like Facebook and Twitter. I believe it’s still available, however, and works on PCs (I use a Mac laptop). I used it daily in 1996.

What’s on your list of 5 things you used to do in 1996 but no longer do in 2021?

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I Went Hiking in the Silver Lake Hills Today

It’s a beautiful summer Saturday and I was invited for a hilly walk with my friend Michael. I hadn’t seen him in person (had seen him in Zoom) since before the pandemic so it was really nice to be with another human being!

Gorgeous morning, gorgeous neighborhood and superb company! Could not have asked for more. It’s such a beautiful area, I can really see why I liked living there for so long (from 1984-1994 and again from 2006-2010). It’s really easy to see why it’s so popular.

Enjoy the photos!

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How I Lost My Obsession Over Working in Hollywood

My obsession over working in Hollywood began when I was a kid. We were a family in love with the movies. My father, a film scholar and critic, wrote about them and taught them. As kids, we went to double features (that was still a thing in the 1960s) on Saturdays for as long as I could remember. Oscar Night was treated with the same reverence as any Catholic Holy Day of Obligation.

The impetus for my road trip chronicled in Wanderslut 1996 was a layoff from a Hollywood job. At the time, it seemed like the end of the world.

No!! Has this happened to you, too?

It was the reason I moved to Los Angeles. Officially it was for film school, but that was really just a ruse to find a job in the business. And find it I did.

The job I lost was as a Communications Manager (public relations function) at one of the Big Studios. About a year later I traded up and went to work for a well-known entertainment technology company as PR Director. I’d call this Hollywood-Adjacent, though the company had its influence everywhere in this small town.

I eventually left that company for personal reasons (cancer and its existential aftermath!). After that, I worked sporadically as a background actor (read “extra”).

But the obsession I’d had over working in Hollywood was gone. I think these are among the key reasons:

Hollywood Treats You Like Shit

No, really, they do. They can – or at least they can get away with it – because there’s a line of 500 young aspirants waiting around the corner for you. Just waiting for you to abandon your job so they can take it.

Just like me, other movie obsessed people from around the world who had the same dream and moved to LA.

Damaged Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Damaged. Likely toxic.

Even though I did end up working for a couple of “screamers,” as they’re affectionately known, I wasn’t ever abused physically or sexually, as so many were. It was more like the ghastly lack of support and training. And, at least at the yeoman levels, salaries were mediocre and there was not much chance of advancement anywhere unless you really sucked up or got lucky.

Other Industries Treat You Better

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Specifically, at least for me, the Tech Sector. I worked this job at the intersection of technology and entertainment, and they were heavily influenced (as well as located near) by Silicon Valley and its values.

Photo of Jim Arnold for his blog entry on Hollywood Obsession.
Top of the World! Or, at least, top of San Francisco when I worked in tech/entertainment.

Which, at least at the time (late 1990s-early 2000s) including loads of inservice training, yearly salary surveys (to make sure you were being paid in line with the location and sector), generous profit sharing and even, in my case and at this company, stock options.

Plus respect – and I’m not sure how to put a price tag on that.

I Aged Out of the Glamour

If you can even call it that – but that is a draw, an attraction, and it does have its day. I met and worked with many “stars.” I went to so many parties in the hills I started yawning at the invites. Somewhere there is a photo of me at a party on a yacht in Cannes harbor.

Jim Arnold (blogger) in front of the Casa de Liberace in Palm Springs, CA
Yes, glamour is a thing.

For me, these things were nice to experience, but ultimately shallow. I was never an extrovert, which really helps if you want to be successful in this milieu. At heart I’m a basically quiet person, and I value solitude and the wilderness much more than I do the glitz and noise (which you get a lot of in entertainment public relations).

One day I woke up and realized I didn’t care about any of it anymore. A chasm then opens up in front of you, demanding an answer to the question, “OK, what’s next?”

(more on that in future posts)

Jim Arnold in a nightshirt holding a cereal box, wondering what to do.
Where does one go when the thrill is done gone?

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Five Common Myths About Solo Travel

Honestly, I think of one or another of these common myths regarding solo travel just about every time I’m set to leave on a trip!

I firmly believe that if we don’t take risks in our lives, we’re just stuck on an endless and monotonous treadmill. It’s best to address these myths head-on:

Solo Travel is Dangerous

Crossing the street is dangerous – if you don’t look both ways before you do. I think that while it’s true there is some vulnerability to solo travelers on the road, most of it is mitigated by common sense and trusting your instincts.

Solo trip through Flagstaff, AZ in the winter.

Say you turn a corner in a strange city at night and suddenly you’re thrust into the darkness of little to no streetlights. Common sense tells you that it’s safer to go back to the light.

Likewise, if your driving route takes you over a mountain pass and the weather report forecasts a couple of feet of snow, you should probably listen to the experts and go another way.

How often has your gut told you that there’s something off with a person or a situation? Listen to that inner wisdom! It’s there for a reason.

Solo Travel is Expensive

“Two can live as cheaply as one.” A corollary might be that “two can travel as cheaply as one.” Certainly sharing gas and motel fees on a road trip are cheaper if spread among two or more people.

I suppose glitter pants are expensive? But I really don’t know.

I would argue, however, that you’re bound to save money when you’re on your own. At the very least, you’re only going to pay for exactly what you want. When you travel with others, often you’ll do something on their agenda that you would not likely choose if alone, and thus not pay for it.

So what I’d say is that it probably evens out – solo travel is more expensive in some realms, but you save in others by focusing on yourself and your interests.

It’s not necessarily cheaper, but it’s not wildly more expensive, either.

Solo Travel is Lonely

Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. While I have had “blue” moments on solo road trips or other travel adventures, they’ve been transitory.

Gritting my teeth, not lonely, I’m not. . .
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Feeling alone has always been more than balanced out by meeting strangers and discovering what these new people add to my life-in-the-moment. It could be a sex hookup (as in my almost-memoir, Wanderslut 1996). It could be a motherly waitress in an empty diner on a rainy night. It could be an enthusiastic college-aged tour guide in a museum. It could be a bunch of friendly guys on a dance floor.

Honestly, isn’t that why we venture out alone anyway? To find some answers – which so often come in the form of new people.

When I was a kid I really internalized the parental advice “don’t speak to strangers.” I think the opposite should be advice for adults: “Don’t NOT speak to strangers!”

Solo Travel is Not Fun

“How am I gonna have any fun if my friends aren’t around?”

It’s all about the definition of “fun.” If you limit the definition of fun things to what you are used to doing with friends, relatives, acquaintances, etc., then you’re already handicapping yourself.

Empty expanse outside the Milwaukee Art Museum during a cold, cloudy winter day.

Solo travel requires you to get out of your comfort zone and go for the possibility of what might be: Going for a spiritually uplifting hike in the red rocks of Sedona. Taking in a movie on the spur of the moment as the only patron in the theater. Eating lunch at a hole-in-the-wall diner (that your friends would die rather than go to) because it just looks interesting to you.

These few examples are part of a world of experience – fun experience – that you will only know if you push yourself.

People Will Think You’re a Loser

This actually speaks to your own insecurities (or MY own insecurities) more than anything else. (Maybe it’s only my common myth about solo travel!)

I went to school with a young woman whose last name was Campellone (pronounced “camp-alone”). When one of our teachers asked her, during a roll call, if she enjoyed that – camping alone – she replied with (I’m sure a well-rehearsed) “I have no choice.”

It doesn’t feel like anything is lost here.

I remembered that because it was so funny. But that’s the fear – you’re only on this trip by yourself because everyone you know hates you and doesn’t want to travel with you.

The truth is that people will admire you and your “bravery” for venturing out on your own. This goes for the people you meet while on the road as well as the friends and relatives back home, who will often say things like “I could never do that, go on a trip by myself, I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

It takes a certain strength to blaze a trail and solo travelers should congratulate themselves every time they do it.

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Five of My Favorite Things to do in San Francisco – for Free

In my mostly-memoir Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America my last stop before I returned to Los Angeles was San Francisco.

Seems appropriate as I write this on Gay Pride Weekend to celebrate Baghdad by the Bay, certainly one of the gayest cities in the world and one of my favorites, as well (and – I’m a former resident, too – 1998-2003).

Five Things to Do for Free in San Francisco

You probably know that it’s one of the most expensive U.S. cities in which to live. Never fear — if visiting, there are loads of things to do in San Francisco for free – and here’s five of them:

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  • Golden Gate Park — This enormous rectangular park has multiple free attractions inside, including various gardens, playing fields, a buffalo paddock, windmills (at beach end), an AIDS Memorial Grove, several lakes with plenty of ducks, and tons of people-watching. Good place to spend a morning or an afternoon – or an entire day.
  • Strolling the Embarcadero — At the other end of the city from the park, along the bay, is the great Embarcadero and waterside walkway. Views of the skyline, ships of all types, the Bay Bridge, and plenty of salt water fresh air.
  • Labyrinth at Grace Cathedral — After the stimulation of the city and its outdoor attractions, you may need some quiet time, and what better place for that than to walk the labyrinth in Grace Cathedral at the top of Nob Hill? (The cathedral has two labyrinths, including one outside that’s available 24/7 if the church is locked up.)
  • Cruising’ the Castro — OK, well it may be a slightly toned-down and multi-rainbowed version of its more radical 60s-70s self, but still there is nothing quite like the Castro, San Francisco’s most iconic gay ‘hood. See the location of Harvey Milk’s camera store, thrill to the sight of one of the best arthouses anywhere (The Castro Theatre), and love the friendliness and charm of this small and very walkable area. You might even pick somebody up – or get picked up.
  • Land’s End — Rustic and wild hiking area along the Pacific Ocean, also with great views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the ruins of the old Sutro Baths. You could almost forget you’re in a city here with the mighty Pacific spread out before you. It always takes my breath away.

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Jim Arnold Books

Here’s a current list of my books, which I publish through Eureka Street Press.



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New Orleans Trip Photos!

In April/May, I spent a couple of weeks in NOLA visiting family. First trip since the pandemic upended everything! Wanted to share some photos I took both there and on the train (Amtrak’s Sunset Limited) there and back.

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