Author Archives: JimArnoldLA

Meanwhile, in Russia: There Are No Gays in Sochi. . .

or so says the moronic mayor of Sochi. Alas, as always, just because you say something stupid doesn’t make it true. As much as he might like to believe there are no gays in his town, for sure there are, and many, many more are on their way, from around the world. Hope it makes him sad, I really do, when his idiocy is pointed out to him. Perhaps by members of our own delegation, perhaps by Billie Jean King or Brian Boitano!

I was disappointed last night in the State of the Union Address, where President Obama said something about rah-rah rooting for our team in the upcoming Winter Olympics in Sochi, which begin a week from Friday (February 7). It was the perfect opportunity, I thought, for him to condemn the Putin regime’s human rights abuses toward the Russian LGBT community.

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One can always hope but one doesn’t always get satisfaction. If nothing else, please remember to take the corporate sponsors of this Olympics to task as they are complicit in co-sponsoring the hate by their very act of sponsorship.

They are (the 10 major): Atos, Coca-Cola, Dow, General Electric, McDonald’s, Omega, Panasonic, Proctor & Gamble, Samsung, and Visa. They’ve attempted to wash their hands of this ugliness by pointing out their own inclusive corporate policies. Sorry, corps, that doesn’t work. Shame on you all.

Here, if you need a refresher, is how the enlightened country of Russia treats its LGBT citizens. Share widely.

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Bios from The Forest Dark: Eden von Eiff

The initial inspiration for the character Eden von Eiff from The Forest Dark:

Julie Nixon Eisenhower

Amy Carter

Patti Davis

Chelsea Clinton

Eleanor Mondale

Political daughters who got famous when they were young, around college age, then their bright stars faded — usually because their parents did not win whatever election it was they got famous for in the first place — think Eleanor Mondale, perhaps, or even Maria Shriver (though she’s not the best example since she has always been in the public eye).

Better examples may be Nixon’s daughters Tricia and Julie, or Susan Ford, or Amy Carter. So you get the idea. I was kind of fascinated to think about what life was like beyond that one shining moment or moments.

Eden has tried to make some hay from her brief brush with fame in the media world, and she’s ended up as kind of a mediocre magazine writer. It helps that she has a famous name, and has an ever-decreasing monthly stipend left over from her mother’s family with some murky connection to the Dodges of Detroit auto fame. But it’s not much. In fact, the truth is, she is just as much a member of the 99% as you or me.

Some things about Eden von Eiff, from the lengthy bio I wrote for her (I do this with all main, and some secondary characters for my novels or scripts):

she’s blond, but as she gets older, the bottle gets lighter and more frequent
she claims she doesn’t like attention, but that’s a lie. She craves it and has a massive insecurity complex.
when she appears strong, she’s mostly acting “as if.”
she has a love/hate relationship with her father, and as much as she’d like to dismiss the relationship she has with her mother, it’s impossible to get away from it.
She’s an atheist, but would never admit it, telling people she’s Catholic.
She’s the same age as Madonna, and also from the Detroit area. Quite a coincidence, though they never knew each other.
von Eiff – German name, someone I went to grade school had it. Seemed to ring for her.
She wants money, likes money, but has no clue how to hold onto any once she does get it.
She’s desperate for love in her life, and wants to right things with her friends in California.
She lies a lot, though would deny it, which in itself is a . . . lie.
She hates the song “Rhapsody in Blue” because that was playing when Louie was conceived.
She thinks she may have a problem with gambling. It’s mostly the horses and the track, though casinos are also like catnip.
She likes comedy. Her favorite comedian is Denis Leary. In fact, she may have a secret thing for Denis.
To relieve some of the stress in her life, she attempted kayaking, but hated it, and almost drowned once. She keeps this to herself.
She has a cat, named Florence, who is staying with a neighbor in New York while she’s in Los Angeles in Part 2 of the book.
When she was a little girl, she dreamed of being . . . the governor of Michigan.

For more, you’ll have to read the book!

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The great quiet

The quiet after the woman has gone

Fifty years or more, still the light comes through like it always did

What secrets what joys did the battered ceiling keep in

Mourning redemptive

Playground laughter seeping undenied

Lovers, and lovely places, a man’s voice, a small wave crashes on the shore

Light flickered for a brief instant

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Safe

So many clues

every book, a unique story

and yet, abandoned

life goes on

Photo snaps put through Instagram process. The apartment (of a deceased relative) is in New York. I recently realized I still had these on my phone and thought they were haunting. Photos originally taken August, 2013.

The Reasons I Left Facebook

Yep, I retired from the Facebook like-athon on January 1, my one and only New Year’s resolution this year.

Two weeks later, so, how’s it going? Do I have regrets, do I have posting or “liking” withdrawal?

Have to admit, there’ve been a couple of times when I wanted to “share” something, like a thought about a movie, or the weather, and there was no one to “share” it with — something I would have just typed into the Facebook “status update” box.

What I find most odd about that is how quickly my mind was trained to “share” my life in such an artificial way. It’s kind of frightening. Five short years is all it took and I’m that digital lemming!

So, actually, the world did not really need to know that the wind is knocking over plants on my balcony, or that isn’t it funny that two closeted gay actors both have lead roles (as straight men) in “American Hustle” (you figure it out), or, whatever else it was I was thinking about that particular day.

This is the last message I posted on Facebook, as a sort-of explanation to “Friends,” both the real kind and the Facebook kind:

Facebook Friends: With the New Year, I’m going to be signing off Facebook. My decision is a combination of wanting more of my focus to be in the offline (real?) world as well as crucial privacy and business model concerns (Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t need to be making any more money on my digital assets, thankyouverymuch), as well as wanting to devote more time to my own social media outlet, my blog (jimarnoldblog.com/blog)! I’ve tremendously enjoyed all the banter, throwbacks and flashbacks, sharing and reconnecting and hope to continue doing so—just not here. Those who don’t have my contact information already can find it at the blog. Thanks for keeping in touch, and have a great 2014.

A lot of bloggers and others have posted their own reasons for leaving social media, specifically Facebook, and I’ve been influenced by those. Some of my favorites are here and here.

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These are my own top reasons for leaving Facebook, in no particular order:

I really, really, really don’t want to see pictures of your food. I mean gag me, OK? I don’t know why this grosses me out so much, but it really does. Why would you think this is interesting to anybody? We’re lucky to be living in a country that (at least so far) is not starving.
Facebook connections are not real connections. They’re not real friendships. Real friendships involve messy interpersonal actions over time. Anything virtual keeps that human messiness at arm’s length, and I find I want, I crave, the messy. Bring it on.
I began to realize I was presenting to the virtual world a highly curated version of myself, hoping that it would somehow be attractive and acceptable to a large number of people I hadn’t really met or known in the physical world. This is probably pathological. I had to stop it to remain sane. (or at least somewhat sane)
The vast majority of my 800-ish Facebook friends were/are people I had maybe met once or twice. A lot of them turned out to be oversharers, and I found myself finding out way, way more about them then I ever dreamt possible. It was lazy; you click here, you click there, you see an old photo, you find out their politics. Truthfully, this seemed like creepy stalking to me. I supposed that others probably did it to me. Eeeewww.
I read a book. It’s called “Who Owns the Future,” by Jaron Lanier. He presents the idea that way things are going in the digital economy, it will only be those who own the biggest computers (the Facebooks, the Googles, the Amazons) who will make any money in the future and the rest of us will basically be serfs, fighting over the scraps. The trade that’s presented to everyone on Facebook is that you can use the service for free, in exchange for handing over digital rights to your life and your data. This is not in any way, shape or form a fair trade. The only way Facebook makes their money is for you to give them your data. You need to be compensated in some real, monetary way for this above and beyond access to the service for free. Would you like to stop giving Mark Zuckerberg your life?

Facebook increases isolation, rather than alleviating it. By comparing myself to the highly curated versions of my Facebook “friends,” I often felt worse about my own circumstances rather than better. I also could not say one more time to someone in real time, “Oh, yes, I know you on Facebook, we’re Facebook friends!” I mean really, how lame is that?
Time’s a wastin’. I would frequently fall down the Facebook rabbit hole, reading all sorts of links, especially to political articles, etc. I’d look up and wonder where the hour had gone, without a lick of my real work getting done.
Marketing my books on Facebook was a fool’s errand. I found this out, that people on Facebook aren’t interested in reading books, for the most part. Sure, if you’re Stephen King or Anne Rice or someone like that, it might be cool to have them as your “friend.” But I found that in my case, nobody was looking for books to read on that particular platform. My time is much better spent writing the next great book, or possibly interacting with readers on a site like goodreads.com – which is specifically for people who like to read.

I’m sure there’s more, I’ll probably add to this list. Why would you leave Facebook? Or do you love it?

Here’s another for me: name-calling. I noticed it was really easy to get caught up in comments to posts, particularly bickering, partisan political ones. And how easy it was to fall into cowardly, obnoxious name-calling. So I may have called S. Palin a c*** on Facebook. Somewhere, if there is a heaven, my dear mother would not be happy. And honestly, I don’t want to be that guy who calls people easy vulgar names on social media. (Even if she is a c***.)

Jim Arnold Communications Newsletter: Power of the Journal

Jim Arnold Communications Newsletter January, 2014

Please click anywhere on newsletter to access the piece in the archive! Thank you.

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Those We Lost in 2013

So many people left my earthly circle this year, whether it’s friends’ parents, friends of friends, or acquaintances — it sure seemed like death was hovering over us more than usual. Maybe not, maybe I just paid more attention to it.

There were a few people I want to remember here, even if I did it before in the blog, as we close out the year I want to say goodbye once more.

Dennis Bogorad

Dennis Bogorad

Dennis died unexpectedly in his sleep last March. It was a great shock to all who knew him, and so devastating for his partner Mark and his other family and close friends. Dennis was one of my first fiction fans – someone who reached out into that internet ether and not only complimented me on my book “Benediction,” but wanted to get together to talk about it. What a way to flatter an author! So eventually we did meet. Dennis had also suffered through prostate cancer (a main theme in that book) and went on to found a number of discussion and support groups for gay men with those health concerns. He was a TV producer, sure, but he also brought those skills to his passion as an activist. He was one of those people who knew how to make things happen, and he leaves a great void in Los Angeles. You can read more about Dennis here.

Linda Palmer

Linda Palmer

Whenever I think of Linda I just can’t help but smile. She was just the most fabulous, bubbly, interesting, smart and wonderful woman! I just adored her. She’d been a studio exec, a wildlife photographer, a teacher and a writer. Probably many more things I don’t even know about! I knew her best as a writing teacher and then a writing colleague. She had such a way with students, so supportive and encouraging. Just the right amount, and not sentimental. She was, in a sense, very girly, but also very strong and independent. She was also someone to live her life on her own terms — something that so resonates here.

Joan Arnold

Joan Helen Arnold

Finally, my aunt Joan Arnold, who died in August at 92. Here’s a link to her obituary on this blog that I wrote earlier this year. What more can I say about her? One of a kind. Another great example of someone who lived life on her own terms, fiercely independent, definitely a role model for me as yet another single person in a big city. She definitely proved that not only could you work and go to the theater and out to dinner and pretty much do everything you always did well into your 90s: She also seemed to prove, to me, anyway, that in a big way the numerical age we all have is just some “idea,” to which we ascribe certain prejudices of what we should or should not be doing. Whenever I think of myself as that weird old guy on the bike with the blue lights, I think of my aunt going to work everyday at 92 years of age (and being a respected and valued member of the staff while there).

“You are remembered for the rules you break.” — Douglas MacArthur

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On Writing: Being Prolific

clunk clunk clunk

Hmmmmm. Having something to say, first of all? Of course, that’s the most important thing. And for me at least, not really a problem. I have lots of things to say, with my current fiction project, it’s all mapped out, pretty much know where that story’s going.

But I do find writing difficult, or the actual process of writing. You know, that sitting down part.

Most of the time, anyway. Not always–there are days I come to it with joy.

Other days I come to it with fear.

And many other days I come to it not at all! And I’d like to avoid/end those.

I’ve written before about procrastination. That’s not where I find myself today; it’s more the idea of fitting writing back into a schedule that didn’t include work hours for so long — now that they’re back, I must rearrange writing times and most importantly, stick to them — if anything is going to be created. I’ve done it before, I’ll certainly do it again — and I, like most people, work best when there is a little bit (but not a lot) of time pressure. A little bit of the old stress.

Here are some tips on being prolific.

Stumped? Nothing coming out? There’s a lot of forms of fiction out there – not only novels, but screenplays and teleplays, short stories, graphic novels or comic books, serials. Try writing your idea in another form for a day.

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Keeping it fresh, keeping it truthful – it’s always a search for what’s true, lying would be so boring. I always ask myself, what is the truth? And I try to write that down. It helps.

Test and stretch limits, all the time, look for the next rung. For me, I try and think up the most outrageous thing I can think of, and write that. You know, that thing that cannot be expressed, for whatever reason. Kill the censor.

Use the tools of our crazy tech digital world to assist you. Meaning, you can write anywhere now (I guess you always could, with pen and notebook, but it’s so much more fun with an app). I suppose this would make “it” happen more — I can’t tell you the number of times I got a passing nugget of something in my head that left just as quickly. But now I’m connected 24/7 to a smartphone. I can capture the nuggets.

Being efficient helps, having a big plan helps, even if it’s something as simple as “I’ll write one blog post a week so I’ll have 50 for 2014, and I’ll write a page a day for a year so in one year I’ll have 365 pages of something.”

My favorite: Write Every Day. Even if you can only fit in an hour or even 30 minutes. Your story remains fresh and your subconscious continues to work on it while you sleep — but if you go for days without writing it, you have to backtrack. At least that’s my experience.

Rewriting and not leaving the work too soon. This is so important. Things really do need to be put into drawers for a week or a month, taken out again and reworked. I’ve often been too antsy to do this, but the work suffers, it really does.

Lastly, everybody thinks they can write, because most people nowadays have to do some writing, even if it’s only a tweet here or there or a Facebook update. Don’t be fooled. Real writing is not easy — if it was, we’d all be Stephen King (or INSERT YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR HERE), right?

Some ideas from here and here.

Obamacare – my journey so far with the ACA, health, and the healthcare industrial complex

Oh but where are we headed? It looks dark. I hope not.

So I’m at a totally unrelated-type doctor appointment (eye, of all things), but what do they always do first? Always! You got it – the blood pressure reading.

148/94. Sheesh. This is not a good reading. And it was the second time, the first time the first number was over 150. Technician: Are you on medication? Me: No. Technician: Take a deep breath. Me: Breathing. Technician: Take another one.

and so I do, and so she takes the reading and it’s 148/94.

And I am so disappointed and feel like such a failure. I do more cardio than anyone I know. I lost 20 lbs. earlier this year, though that’s settled out at about 15-16 lbs. since. My BMI is 23. I don’t smoke or drink and haven’t done either in decades! I am a fixture at the Farmer’s Market. Yet my BP readings have only steadily climbed over the past few years.

So there’s nothing I can do about my age (58). Or my genes, what I’ve inherited from a family with a history of heart problems on both sides.

Salvation in technology, right? As Jesse Pinkman might shout, Yay Science! So I go to Amazon.com, and buy a BP monitor. This way I can torture myself by doing self-readings every day. Or maybe I’ll find out it was the coffee and the nervousness/busyness of going to the doctor, not something I do very often.

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Because, while I do have health insurance, the plan I have is a high-deductible one (catastrophic, perhaps) and I can’t afford to actually go to the doctor much, though I do pay the c. $300 per month hedge against total financial ruin (aka as the monthly health care premium – though it has nothing to do with care, really, now does it?)

All this is a roundabout way of saying that yes, Virginia and others, I do benefit from the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare!). How so? See my list:

I live in a progressive, forward-looking state that wants to make huge changes in the way health care is delivered to its population, #1. So, we have an Exchange (where you can buy a plan – coveredca.com) that’s been working since Day 1.
I get a better plan. My old plan with the Kaiser HMO did not include prescription coverage. Under the ACA, you can’t do that anymore, you actually have to have a plan that, you know, covers you.
The plan costs less. Why? Because I work only part-time (self-employed), I get a subsidy. So it’s about 2/3 less than what I was paying before. And even more if you consider that the premium for the same plan (now with prescriptions) went up about 60% from what I was paying in 2013.
Copays are slightly less, as is the out-of-pocket maximum for the year, which is a small benefit, but one in the right direction. I believe it’s $4,500. Which, while a lot of money to be shelling out if need be, is a whole lot better than financial ruin, bankruptcy, etc.
While not a perfect solution, this is a detour on the way to single payer – which we’ll eventually have, I predict.

So those are the specific benefits to me so far. Better plan, lower cost, no impossible to work through bureaucracy. I wanted to post this, as prosaic as it may be, because of the shrill voices in the media only finding disasters. There are successes — and there will be many, many more — you just have to look.

The Six Things I Like Best About Being CarFree — A Six Month Update

The Blogger, with chariot at night.

I’ve now been car free for six months – that’s right, car free in L.A., living without owning a car in Los Angeles. Here’s a status report, and my favorite things about this major lifestyle change.

Saving money! Absolutely, my favorite. My last car, the 2005 Scion Xa, cost just about $400 a month to own and operate over the period of time I owned it (almost exactly 8 years). So that’s $2,400.00 right there. I did have transportation expenses, though, so I must subtract those. Metro fares: $280. Car rental: $200. Bicycle expense (a new seat): $25. So let’s adjust: $2,400 – 505 = $1,895 I’ve saved so far. And, that doesn’t even account for the sale of my used vehicle, which was $6,000 (thank you, CarMax!). So I’m really ahead $7,895.00.
Keeping fit! I lost about 15 lbs. doing WeightWatchers earlier this year and have been able to keep that off since going CarFree with very little effort, which I attribute to all the walking and biking I do now. My default modes of transportation in preferred order are: foot, bicycle, train or bus, taxi, rental car or ZipCar or other car share service. I live in Southern California, so it’s quite rare that any particular day is not a good bike day.
Not Having to Find Parking! There was a time, when I first lived in L.A., probably the early eighties, when it was fairly easy to find street parking in almost any neighborhood and there were very few restrictions on parking. That world is gone! Parking had become very difficult and most often expensive (if you just succumbed to the valet or a garage) but now I’ve never had to pay to park my bike against a pole.

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Never Having to Deal with Angry Drivers/Road Rage! There are a lot of angry drivers out there, sometimes they’re armed, sometimes they’re just fracking crazy and dangerous. I’ve yet to meet a raging urban walker or a raging bicyclist (though hey, it’s a crazy world, perhaps they exist. Yet they don’t have 2-ton weapons at their disposal).
Not Having to Remember Where I Parked My Car, or Worry About that (Insert Expensive Thing Here) I Left Inside It! There was always this nagging feeling that the apocalypse was there, just out of focus, that total disaster could happen at any moment and this Thing I depended on (the car) would be utterly destroyed or taken from me on a whim. To not have this object to worry about at all is a great freedom all its own.
Finally: Exposing the Myth that “You Need a Car to Live in L.A.!” No, you don’t. You don’t need to own a car to live in L.A. What the people who say that really mean is that THEY need a car to live in L.A., i.e., they’re not giving advice, they’re talking about themselves. There are hundreds of thousands of people living in the city who don’t own cars. If you step out of yours for a few moments, you might meet the real city.

A great resource for me has been Chris Balish’s book, “How to Live Well Without Owning a Car.” It’s been my roadmap for much of this journey. Thank you, Chris!

Ten Things to Do When Alone on Thanksgiving!

C. Foxy Belle

As a single man, I’ve on occasion found myself alone on holidays, most notably the end of the year rituals of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

In our culture, these tend to be over-marketed as nuclear family-centric events, so it takes a little creativity when one is on one’s own, and can’t be with loved ones/family because of distance or whatever reason. The culture will do its level best to try and make you feel miserable, because all the images you see will be of things you’re not doing. You are unloved and, you’re a loser! So it takes some fortitude to prevail – yet I know you will – because you are a strong, independent person.

Here are some tips, from my own experience or from others who’ve shared over the years:

Feast, but with family of choice. Takes preplanning – you probably have some idea that other friends in your orbit might be solo come that day, too – so make plans to spend the day together. Dinner optional.
Volunteer – there’s always gonna be someone more miserable than you, and it’s a good thing to do, regardless. Homeless shelters and other organizations often have Thanksgiving Dinners where they need volunteers – perhaps that’s you.
Day Trips – it’s great day to go local, ‘cause nobody else is doing it, but the trains and buses are still operating. Beaches, parks, trails – mostly deserted.
Movies – Go early and often. Studios time their best hopes for the year-end holiday and awards-qualifying season – so there’s always fresh and anticipated fare the week of Thanksgiving.

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Gym – it’s usually open for a few hours, again when a lot of people are gorging themselves on turkey and football. You might have the place to yourself, or to yourself and that like-minded person who is also alone on Thanksgiving (and wants some company . . .)
Home Improvement Projects – maybe not what you want to do on your day off, but I once wallpapered the kitchen on Christmas Day.
Yoga/Spiritual Practice – meditation, yoga (podcast if there are no classes!), your church. Good to give thanks, after all, that’s what it’s for. Speaking of which:
Gratitude List – make a list of all the things you’re grateful for, and realize what a wonderful life you are living, even if you happen to be alone this one Thanksgiving Day.
Diner Delight – a lot of restaurants are closed, but a lot are open, serving up that turkey a zillion different ways. Your servers at such places probably wish they were home with their loved ones. So patronize them, and tip well for all the service they give you all year long. That glow you leave with won’t be heartburn!
Self-indulgence: It’s a day off, right? So pamper yourself – have your very own little day spa, bubbly bath at home with candles, lotions, sleep/nap, self-loving of the intimate variety (yeah, masturbation, boys and girls! That’s right!) chocolates, flavored expensive coffees or drinks (if you do that). Find out what the most expensive coffee drink is at the coffee shop of your choice, and order it. And tip the barista twice that for all they for you all year.

Happy Thanksgiving, whatever it is you’re doing!