Tag Archives: Wanderslut 1996

What I Put in My Road Trip Cooler

I don’t always plan ahead for eating on the road. When I do, I’m rewarded, financially and health wise. Often, during the Wanderslut 1996 Road Trip, I would not plan in advance and be at the mercy of the “food stores” attached to gas stations.

We know at least a couple of things about these stores: 1) they are expensive and 2) they have virtually no fresh food save a bunch of unripe green bananas or heavily waxed apples on the checkout counter. So, do yourself a favor and take some time to plan ahead.

Here’s an ideal list for what I put in my road trip cooler.

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My Ideal List

Water — usually small plastic bottles since they fit better. I always buy whatever the store’s generic brand is. It hasn’t killed me yet.
Baby carrots or pre-cut carrots. I get these pre-washed, pre-cut, whatever the store has. I’m all about making it easier on myself to be healthy – so no, I never buy regular carrots and wash them and cut them up myself. ‘Cause I’m too lazy for that.
Hummus — for me, the ideal dip. For the carrots, but it works for just about anything. Pureed chick pea (garbanzo) and sesame seed mixture, high in flavor, relatively low in calories (and much lower than many salty oily things you could dip your food into).
Cut Up Fruit – When driving, it’s a lot easier to eat small bites you can grab with one hand and pop in your mouth. I choose things like apple slices, melon chunks, grapes, orange wedges (without the rind). Also, if it’s just the edible portion of the fruit, there’s no detritus left over that you to have to get rid of.
Cheese Sticks — I get the kind you can buy in grocery or even places like Starbucks – mozzarellas sticks, or the red Babybel bites. The cheese means there’s some protein to go along with the fat, and I find that they satisfy a hunger craving quite effectively.
Peanut butter — to put on bread, into sandwiches, or to eat on apple slices. High in fat and protein, definitely satisfies my cravings. I cannot live without peanut butter.

Something More Substantial for a Proper Meal

Baguette/baguette sandwiches: sometimes just the bread itself, which is easy to tear into hunks. Also, great for making sandwiches — peanut butter, or cheese, with a little arugula or basil, tomato slices, a dollop of mayo and dijon. I often make a few sandwiches in advance and put them in baggies. Then I know I have a lunch or dinner and won’t need to buy bad expensive, unhealthy “food” on the road.

Caprese sandwich, simple to put together and so delicious. (Baguette slices, mozzarella cheese, tomato, basil, a little olive oil)

Granola — Also something you can eat dry or as a cereal with some kind of liquid. Although eating handfuls of granola while driving will just mess up your car seat and floor (I know from experience).
Almond Milk — I like the chocolate kind. It comes in rectangular cartons which are perfect for cooler storage. Use as an alternative beverage for water and for the aforementioned granola bowl.

I’m guilty of putting this on cereal like granola, drinking it as a beverage, using it in smoothies, etc.

Better Than Chips and Soda

Bananas — ok, so I broke my own rule for no fruit detritus. Yes, you are left with a banana peel. But it’s really something easy to eat while driving.
Energy bars – in an emergency — or not. They’re maybe healthier than regular chocolate candy bars, maybe not — but having a few on hand in the car is good when you need a handy snack. Also good to have these in general in case of an emergency or as in my case sometimes when I exercise, a hypoglycemic episode where I need some carbs quickly.

Three Favorite Smaller Cities from Wanderslut ’96 Road Trip

When I set out to complete my “circumnavigation” of the lower 48 for Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America, one of the things in the back of my mind was to evaluate stops as possible future places to live.

Not that I was specifically looking to leave L.A. It was more of an answer to a question, “If I were to move someday, where might be a good place to go?”

The criteria were pretty basic back then: a city, a city smaller than Los Angeles (not hard to find), and a city with an arts community that was welcoming to LGBT-type folks. Another thing that was a plus: a warm climate.

These are the three towns that I liked the most in 1996 (listed by order of encounter) :

Tucson

I spent very little time in Tucson but my memory of that particular trip is colored by having a local friend tell me what it was like over dinner. It’s so great to have a familiar face who can show you around a bit when in unfamiliar territory.

I loved the Spanish/Mexican heritage, the pace, the warmth (literal) and the fact there was a major university right in the middle of town.

“A few years older than me, Charlie was primarily in the friend-of-a-friend category, but I knew him tangentially, and liked him. He had a welcoming smile and great big teeth. He picked me up at my motel after the end of his part-time shift at Foley’s (department store), where he shilled furniture. It seemed he was also relieved to see a friendly face.”

Tucson station (from a different trip on Amtrak)

Maybe it was his easy re-entry to his hometown made it seem like a place where I, too, would be welcomed. No real research was done – I just got a very nice vibe from the time spend there.

Austin

It was my first time (first of many now) in Austin and I also had an internet “friend” I was to meet who was going to show me around a bit.

That really helps, when one is a stranger and doesn’t know where to go or even how to get around. The guy showed me Austin’s music scene venues, such as they were in 1996, and the nearby gay bars.

The blogger on 6th Street in Austin back in 1996. (Sorry about the shadows during scanning!)

I guess I was kind of surprised that the gay scene in Texas’s state capital was so big, or at least, bigger than I anticipated.

Also, I remember thinking Austin was a really pretty town. State capitol, another huge university, rivers, lakes, trees. . . even a nude park at Hippie Hollow.

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I even enjoyed (or didn’t mind too much) getting lost:

“Then I got lost jogging around what they call the “Town Lake” in Austin. It wasn’t a lake, but a wide part of the Colorado River (also, not that Colorado River, i.e., the one that created the Grand Canyon and that forms the border between California and Arizona, this is a different Colorado River). How could one get lost running in what basically was a circle?

“Even though I thought I looked cute in my little black running shorts and nothing else (it was at least 90 degrees and humid) it wasn’t so much fun just having the key to my car but alas, no car. Eventually, I realized I was on the wrong side of the lake/river, and crossed and retraced my steps.“

Though even back then I think Austin had started it’s growth – I remember thinking there was way too much traffic for these narrow two lane streets in town.

Fort Lauderdale

Of the three small cities, Fort Lauderdale was the one most obviously with a substantial LGBT presence. It even had the beginnings of a gayborhood, had a great bathhouse, and of course, world-famous beach and proximity to the excitement of Miami.

From my perspective at the time, I thought of it kind of like a “Palm Springs with a beach.”

Didn’t hurt that frisky fun was had there:

“Finally, after enough swimming, sunning, whirlpooling and working out, it was back to the steam room to see if anything had changed. It had. There I met Eric in one of those little inviting alcoves, emerging from a cloud of steam.

“He was a man of few words. However, what Eric lacked in the verbal department he made up for in the physical presentation: another 30-ish guy, shaved head on top of the most perfect little V-shaped body, dark hairy pecs and a delightful spider tattoo on one shoulder. “

I was sure to have even more fun if I moved there, I thought.

Blogger thinking about the delights of Fort Lauderdale (photo from 1996).

But I didn’t move there, or to either of these other two towns. When I did move, it was to San Francisco – a place I really did enjoy living in for the five years I was there.

Twenty-five years later, the only one of these three towns still left on my internal “maybe move there someday” list is Tucson. Austin’s too big, Fort Lauderdale is, well, in Florida. No thank you. Not that I’ve made any decisions to go anywhere. But I do think about it a lot, and run the numbers.

Five Things I Did in 1996 That I Don’t Do in 2021

Life has changed in the past 25 years. There’s probably dozens of things I did in 1996 – the year I took the Wanderslut 1996 road trip – that I don’t do in 2021.

Off the top, here are five of these things:

When Cameras Were . . . Cameras

I have a bunch of photos from that road trip. Without exception, I took them with a real camera. I’m painfully aware of this because every time I want to illustrate something from that trip, I have to scan an old print because they’re not digital.

I still have a great camera that takes awesome photos, but the truth is I don’t use it that much. Like most people, I suppose, I use the path of least resistance, which, of course, is my smart phone. It’s also a great camera.

I No Longer Go To To The Gym Every Day

For as long as I can remember, there’s been the gay “gym requirement.” The expectation that any interest by an attractive male in one’s direction was directly proportionate to the time one spent in the gym.

This is ridiculous, not to mention exhausting. Yet I dutifully followed this “requirement” for decades. Eventually, age catches up with everything. Also, I discovered I enjoyed other forms of exercise more than lifting weights (including hiking, biking, yoga) – especially things I could do out in the fresh air and sun.

I had bigger muscles back in the ’90s. I miss them, but I don’t want to go to the gym as much, I really don’t.

Since the pandemic began and the subsequent addition of workout equipment for my home, I often wonder what the point is in going to the actual gym, even a few times a week, still having to deal with crowds, waits, traffic and parking. I could so easily set up a mini-gym in a corner of my apartment for comparatively little investment.

Stay tuned on that! But in 1996, really, I went. I showed up. Every. Single. Day.

No Longer Read Actual Printed Magazines

I used to have a bunch of subscriptions – Premiere, GQ, Out, Time, Daily Variety, Hollywood Reporter, Spy – and more – that dovetailed with my work in public relations/publicity. I loved reading the mags and thumbing through them.

Honestly I never thought I’d be one to prefer the screen to actual paper, like so many futurists predicted. I swore I’d resist. I did, for awhile. But inevitably, the convenience and immediacy of digital was a lure I couldn’t resist.

For those that survived, I still read them online, of course. I do miss turning the pages and discovering something, though.

I Don’t Go To The Video Store

If you can even find one! It’s another loss, for sure, because there was always the chance of a great discovery which is not as likely to happen with algorithm-mediated browsing on sites like Netflix.

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What the algorithms fail at is the human possibility of discovering a totally new interest – something you see from the corner of your eye that you think you might like – randomly, not based on any previous behavior. So we’ve lost that.

Actually, I’m not even sure you could find “Boys in the Sand” in a VHS store. I finally got it on DVD!

I miss the Friday night ritual of going (with my boyfriend at the time) to the various video stores to stock up on regular movies as well as gay porn for the weekend. Now I scroll Netflix, HBO, Amazon, GayHotMovies, what have you, alone in my living room.

It’s certainly more convenient, but I’m not sure I’d call it better.

I Don’t Drink Copious Amounts of Diet Root Beer

When I got sober and stopped drinking any kind of alcohol in 1990, my “drink of choice” became diet root beer, which I had always liked because of the flavor and the fact that generally it never contained caffeine.

It had to be diet because of the sugar and calories. I was going to be sober but I was not going to be fat.

I drank root beer by itself on ice. I drank it with meals. I especially drank it during hot weather to quench my thirst after exercise.

Eventually I came to realize that, in fact, diet root beer is mostly artificially flavored and is actually a chemical stew steeped in carbonation. I was convinced it also made urination more frequent and urgent, which I did not need as I got older.

So now I mostly drink water. Sometimes flavored seltzer-type waters, but usually flat water from the tap. Refrigerated. It hasn’t killed me yet.

I Don’t IRC Chat

Ok, I guess that’s 6 things. But back in ’96 I adored online chatting and the IRC (Internet Relay Chat) protocol conjured up way more interesting guys than America Online could ever hope to.

The thing I liked about it was that it was truly international – I could set up dates with guys from Europe and Brazil which actually then happened in real time and real life. Maybe it was my first sense of how the Internet would really open up the world for me and actually expand my interactions with humans rather than limit them.

Truthfully IRC is no match for apps like Facebook and Twitter. I believe it’s still available, however, and works on PCs (I use a Mac laptop). I used it daily in 1996.

What’s on your list of 5 things you used to do in 1996 but no longer do in 2021?

How I Lost My Obsession Over Working in Hollywood

My obsession over working in Hollywood began when I was a kid. We were a family in love with the movies. My father, a film scholar and critic, wrote about them and taught them. As kids, we went to double features (that was still a thing in the 1960s) on Saturdays for as long as I could remember. Oscar Night was treated with the same reverence as any Catholic Holy Day of Obligation.

The impetus for my road trip chronicled in Wanderslut 1996 was a layoff from a Hollywood job. At the time, it seemed like the end of the world.

It was the reason I moved to Los Angeles. Officially it was for film school, but that was really just a ruse to find a job in the business. And find it I did.

The job I lost was as a Communications Manager (public relations function) at one of the Big Studios. About a year later I traded up and went to work for a well-known entertainment technology company as PR Director. I’d call this Hollywood-Adjacent, though the company had its influence everywhere in this small town.

I eventually left that company for personal reasons (cancer and its existential aftermath!). After that, I worked sporadically as a background actor (read “extra”).

But the obsession I’d had over working in Hollywood was gone. I think these are among the key reasons:

Hollywood Treats You Like Shit

No, really, they do. They can – or at least they can get away with it – because there’s a line of 500 young aspirants waiting around the corner for you. Just waiting for you to abandon your job so they can take it.

Just like me, other movie obsessed people from around the world who had the same dream and moved to LA.

Damaged Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. — Damaged. Likely toxic.

Even though I did end up working for a couple of “screamers,” as they’re affectionately known, I wasn’t ever abused physically or sexually, as so many were. It was more like the ghastly lack of support and training. And, at least at the yeoman levels, salaries were mediocre and there was not much chance of advancement anywhere unless you really sucked up or got lucky.

Other Industries Treat You Better

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Specifically, at least for me, the Tech Sector. I worked this job at the intersection of technology and entertainment, and they were heavily influenced (as well as located near) by Silicon Valley and its values.

Photo of Jim Arnold for his blog entry on Hollywood Obsession. — Top of the World! Or, at least, top of San Francisco when I worked in tech/entertainment.

Which, at least at the time (late 1990s-early 2000s) including loads of inservice training, yearly salary surveys (to make sure you were being paid in line with the location and sector), generous profit sharing and even, in my case and at this company, stock options.

Plus respect – and I’m not sure how to put a price tag on that.

I Aged Out of the Glamour

If you can even call it that – but that is a draw, an attraction, and it does have its day. I met and worked with many “stars.” I went to so many parties in the hills I started yawning at the invites. Somewhere there is a photo of me at a party on a yacht in Cannes harbor.

Jim Arnold (blogger) in front of the Casa de Liberace in Palm Springs, CA — Yes, glamour is a thing.

For me, these things were nice to experience, but ultimately shallow. I was never an extrovert, which really helps if you want to be successful in this milieu. At heart I’m a basically quiet person, and I value solitude and the wilderness much more than I do the glitz and noise (which you get a lot of in entertainment public relations).

One day I woke up and realized I didn’t care about any of it anymore. A chasm then opens up in front of you, demanding an answer to the question, “OK, what’s next?”

(more on that in future posts)

Jim Arnold in a nightshirt holding a cereal box, wondering what to do. — Where does one go when the thrill is done gone?

Five Common Myths About Solo Travel

Honestly, I think of one or another of these common myths regarding solo travel just about every time I’m set to leave on a trip!

I firmly believe that if we don’t take risks in our lives, we’re just stuck on an endless and monotonous treadmill. It’s best to address these myths head-on:

Solo Travel is Dangerous

Crossing the street is dangerous – if you don’t look both ways before you do. I think that while it’s true there is some vulnerability to solo travelers on the road, most of it is mitigated by common sense and trusting your instincts.

Say you turn a corner in a strange city at night and suddenly you’re thrust into the darkness of little to no streetlights. Common sense tells you that it’s safer to go back to the light.

Likewise, if your driving route takes you over a mountain pass and the weather report forecasts a couple of feet of snow, you should probably listen to the experts and go another way.

How often has your gut told you that there’s something off with a person or a situation? Listen to that inner wisdom! It’s there for a reason.

Solo Travel is Expensive

“Two can live as cheaply as one.” A corollary might be that “two can travel as cheaply as one.” Certainly sharing gas and motel fees on a road trip are cheaper if spread among two or more people.

I would argue, however, that you’re bound to save money when you’re on your own. At the very least, you’re only going to pay for exactly what you want. When you travel with others, often you’ll do something on their agenda that you would not likely choose if alone, and thus not pay for it.

So what I’d say is that it probably evens out – solo travel is more expensive in some realms, but you save in others by focusing on yourself and your interests.

It’s not necessarily cheaper, but it’s not wildly more expensive, either.

Solo Travel is Lonely

Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. While I have had “blue” moments on solo road trips or other travel adventures, they’ve been transitory.

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Feeling alone has always been more than balanced out by meeting strangers and discovering what these new people add to my life-in-the-moment. It could be a sex hookup (as in my almost-memoir, Wanderslut 1996). It could be a motherly waitress in an empty diner on a rainy night. It could be an enthusiastic college-aged tour guide in a museum. It could be a bunch of friendly guys on a dance floor.

Honestly, isn’t that why we venture out alone anyway? To find some answers – which so often come in the form of new people.

When I was a kid I really internalized the parental advice “don’t speak to strangers.” I think the opposite should be advice for adults: “Don’t NOT speak to strangers!”

Solo Travel is Not Fun

“How am I gonna have any fun if my friends aren’t around?”

It’s all about the definition of “fun.” If you limit the definition of fun things to what you are used to doing with friends, relatives, acquaintances, etc., then you’re already handicapping yourself.

Solo travel requires you to get out of your comfort zone and go for the possibility of what might be: Going for a spiritually uplifting hike in the red rocks of Sedona. Taking in a movie on the spur of the moment as the only patron in the theater. Eating lunch at a hole-in-the-wall diner (that your friends would die rather than go to) because it just looks interesting to you.

These few examples are part of a world of experience – fun experience – that you will only know if you push yourself.

People Will Think You’re a Loser

This actually speaks to your own insecurities (or MY own insecurities) more than anything else. (Maybe it’s only my common myth about solo travel!)

I went to school with a young woman whose last name was Campellone (pronounced “camp-alone”). When one of our teachers asked her, during a roll call, if she enjoyed that – camping alone – she replied with (I’m sure a well-rehearsed) “I have no choice.”

It doesn’t feel like anything is lost here.

I remembered that because it was so funny. But that’s the fear – you’re only on this trip by yourself because everyone you know hates you and doesn’t want to travel with you.

The truth is that people will admire you and your “bravery” for venturing out on your own. This goes for the people you meet while on the road as well as the friends and relatives back home, who will often say things like “I could never do that, go on a trip by myself, I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

It takes a certain strength to blaze a trail and solo travelers should congratulate themselves every time they do it.

Five of My Favorite Things to do in San Francisco – for Free

In my mostly-memoir Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America my last stop before I returned to Los Angeles was San Francisco.

Seems appropriate as I write this on Gay Pride Weekend to celebrate Baghdad by the Bay, certainly one of the gayest cities in the world and one of my favorites, as well (and – I’m a former resident, too – 1998-2003).

Five Things to Do for Free in San Francisco

You probably know that it’s one of the most expensive U.S. cities in which to live. Never fear — if visiting, there are loads of things to do in San Francisco for free – and here’s five of them:

Sculpture in Golden Gate Park
Walk through the Park
The Bay Bridge from the Embarcadero
Embarcadero view
Cruisin’ the Castro
View in the Castro
Grace Cathedral
Labyrinth in Grace Cathedral
My cousin and the Blogger at 1996 SF Gay Pride Parade

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Golden Gate Park — This enormous rectangular park has multiple free attractions inside, including various gardens, playing fields, a buffalo paddock, windmills (at beach end), an AIDS Memorial Grove, several lakes with plenty of ducks, and tons of people-watching. Good place to spend a morning or an afternoon – or an entire day.
Strolling the Embarcadero — At the other end of the city from the park, along the bay, is the great Embarcadero and waterside walkway. Views of the skyline, ships of all types, the Bay Bridge, and plenty of salt water fresh air.
Labyrinth at Grace Cathedral — After the stimulation of the city and its outdoor attractions, you may need some quiet time, and what better place for that than to walk the labyrinth in Grace Cathedral at the top of Nob Hill? (The cathedral has two labyrinths, including one outside that’s available 24/7 if the church is locked up.)
Cruising’ the Castro — OK, well it may be a slightly toned-down and multi-rainbowed version of its more radical 60s-70s self, but still there is nothing quite like the Castro, San Francisco’s most iconic gay ‘hood. See the location of Harvey Milk’s camera store, thrill to the sight of one of the best arthouses anywhere (The Castro Theatre), and love the friendliness and charm of this small and very walkable area. You might even pick somebody up – or get picked up.
Land’s End — Rustic and wild hiking area along the Pacific Ocean, also with great views of the Golden Gate Bridge and the ruins of the old Sutro Baths. You could almost forget you’re in a city here with the mighty Pacific spread out before you. It always takes my breath away.

Jim Arnold Books

Here’s a current list of my books, which I publish through Eureka Street Press.

Glenwood Springs: The Benefits of Spas

I was recently reminded the benefits of spas when I remembered the spa towns I visited on my first-ever trip to Europe back in the mid-70s. Oddly enough, by a very sobering documentary on Nazi atrocities (The Einsatzgruppen, Nazi Death Squads on Netflix). When I visited Zell am See, as well as Bad Gastein, both in Austria, I don’t think I knew at the time that these places (at least Zell am See) were frequented by Nazi leaders.

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No, the reason I went to these places (besides the benefits of spas) is because they were fused in my mind with a cool “Sound of Music/Apres Ski” kind of delusion, a place where swirling, heated water would find whiskey would find roaring fires and young men with tight pants stretched over their long johns. A midwinter fantasy come true, perhaps.

I never found that particular thing, on that trip or any other, to be honest. Still, we have some spa towns here in the U.S., and they have other charms even if one’s fantasy is hard to materialize.

Glenwood Springs

I’ve been in and through Glenwood Springs, Colorado, a few times over the years and have been in the hot springs pool more than once. Including, for an encounter that somewhat reminded me of Aschenbach/Tadzio from Death in Venice, which I recount for you in my mostly true road trip diary, Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America.

The Many Benefits of Spas

You may already know, but here’s a reminder as to the many benefits of spas and hot springs!

Heat increases circulation by dilating blood vessels.
Buoyancy relieves joint stress by reducing your weight by 90 percent.
Jet massage soothes away tension.
reduces pain you may be having – from skiing, yes, but also the aches and pains of normal life and aging.
supports healing.
social benefits – as in, it’s fun to fuck in the spa, everybody knows this.
promotes sleep (especially if you’ve had sex in the spa).
promotes relaxation – what could be more relaxing than a glass of wine or a blunt in the swirling mist? Or not, for those of us who are sober, author included, the swirling water works just find on its own.

Sunshine State: A Mixed Review of Experiences in Florida

Many Trips There, and What They’ve Been For

Like the mythical “Florida Man” (or Woman) my many trips to the sunshine state over the years varied wildly, with mostly memorable experiences in Florida.

To the best of my recollection, the first time I was there was in bicentennial year 1976. I was 21, and it was a family trip. We went to Destin, a beach location on the panhandle, warm water and blindingly white sand beaches.

Because I was with my parents and younger siblings and also car-less, I did not partake in many “extracurriculars.” Still, I enjoyed myself and loved the location. We also toured a nearby plantation. I remember that as being one of the hottest experiences (meaning the temperature was just uncomfortably, overwhelmingly hot) of my life.

Later Trips

A couple of summers later, I bought a Greyhound Bus Pass to tour the United States and ended up in Key West. This became one of the most consequential trips of my life and probably my best experience in Florida. After this trip I decided that if there was any problem with my being gay it was your problem, not mine. A sea change in my thinking – but for the sex part, see below.

During my later career in public relations, I visited the state because conventions were there (usually in Orlando), which is a little different from a vacation but still had moments of fun. Most recently, I’ve had a visit with an old friend who relocated to Miami and went to visit – this time on an Amtrak Pass, once again touring the United States.

It’s a Big State with a Lot of Variety

Florida is way bigger than it looks on the map, or at least that’s the impression I got when driving through it.

It’s got the conservative north, where Tallahassee and Gainesville are, as well as the aforementioned Gulf Coast white sand beaches. Then there’s Orlando, with all things Disney and the iconic gay Parliament House (see below, now sadly closed/gone).

Then there’s Southeast Florida, where urban, exciting Miami is located, also gay Fort Lauderdale and a zillion other beach towns (including one where an unpleasant, disgraced ex-president lives in shame).

There’s the Florida Keys, an attraction all their own, the location of everything from Flipper to Bloodline, as well as the popular gay destination of Key West (arguably more popular in the past than now).

And let’s not forget the Gulf Coast south of the panhandle, where Tampa, Ft. Myers, Sanibel, etc. are located. (On my Wanderslut 1996 Road Trip, I visited the panhandle, Sanibel, Miami and Fort Lauderdale. Read about it here.)

Good Sex to be had in Florida

I figure that’s what you’re really interested in.

My sex experiences in Florida ranged from life-changing to meh. So yes, it is a state of contrasts.

Life-changing is what I’d describe a trip to Key West in 1979, where I had been on a bus touring America with stops here and there, until one day I decided “fuck this. I want sex, drugs and rock and roll and I definitely want to get off this bus!” I looked at a map and decided: Ok, Key West.

Key West

It was already a gay destination in 1979 and had been. I took the bus there. I stayed at the Island House, which is still there, still a gay resort as I write this, 42 years later .

In the week or so I spent there, I fucked many men, took a few drugs and danced to a fair amount of rock ‘n roll (and disco, baby). It was fun in the way any horny 24-year-old would have fun. But what made it life-changing was the acceptance and peace I got for the way I was, for the way I was born, in a way which had eluded me up to that point. After that trip, I never regretted being gay or wished I was straight ever again.

Parliament House

I’m also happy that years later as a professional on a business trip, I booked an extra day or two after a convention to stay at the Parliament House in Orlando, which was a legendary gay resort that featured restaurants and nightclubs and discos in addition to the rooms and pools. Sad to say, it’s closed now, and rather recently. But I was happy to partake in the tropical sleazy atmosphere of what was kind of a non-stop orgy. (Even though I was way past 24.)

Vintage photos from Parliament House

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Finally, in the “meh” category, I struck out on numerous occasions to hook up in the unforgiving city of Miami. The sexual stars have just never aligned for me there. You can read about some of that, too, in Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America.

Visiting NOLA as a Sober Gay Man

Despite its well-deserved reputation as a party town, I’ve never imbibed in New Orleans. I first visited the wonderful southern city in 1996 (as part of my journey in Wanderslut 1996: A Gay Road Trip Across America). I was living six years as a sober gay man by that time.

Mindset

When sober, you have to think of the other attributes of a place (other than the tourist stereotype) to focus on. In New Orleans, for me anyway, (on my first few visits at least), that fact that it had chops as a gay-friendly place — The French Quarter, anyway — that was a major attraction.

Beyond that particular carrot, I think that your interests (as a sober gay man) expand after achieving sobriety since that kind of wild partying is no longer an option. You gravitate toward long dormant, or new interests – which for me include things like history, architecture and building history, music, food, nature and of course, my family.

Things I Did for Fun

The gay stuff: New Orleans has/had a ton of gay bars, most located in the French Quarter around Bourbon Street. I more or less did the requisite “stop in” but to be honest, there seemed to be such an emphasis on getting that drunk buzz that I felt uncomfortable and had to leave.

I had much more fun at the Club New Orleans baths (detailed in my book Wanderslut 1996) which, unfortunately, is closed now. Four floors of sober gay fun in an ancient building a block or so from the Mississippi! It did, at least for me, have a lot of answers to carnal dreams. I was sad to see it close. Every time I visit I hope I’ll find that some entrepreneur has opened a new bathhouse. The hook-up apps have ruined a lot of IRL gay culture – this was just another casualty.

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NOLA was not all about sex, of course. There’s music – I went to Jazz Fest (usually late April every year) a couple of times, and also to clubs to hear live bands. I really love New Orleans style piano, so if Jon Cleary is playing while I’m visiting, I do try to go.

The sightseeing/history piece: New Orleans and the surrounding area is nothing if not historical. On that first trip in ’96 I did walking tours in the city, the Quarter and Garden District, etc. Later on, and especially once I had family living there, we’d go farther afield — to a Plantation Tour on the old River Road, a Swamp Tour on the Pearl River in nearby Mississippi.

The Spring after Katrina, my sister (who by now lived in NOLA) took me on what she dubbed the Katrina Tour of Destruction, which pretty much describes seeing the remnants of that terrible storm.

Lived There for a Month

In late 2012, I wrote a post titled “Is It Time to Consider Leaving Los Angeles?” — which my sister saw. She then invited me to spend some time with them to “try living in New Orleans” as a sober gay man for a month.

So I did, l lived there for a month in spring, 2013 – to see if I wanted to move there. What did I do? Write, exercise, spend time with family, see some music events, bicycle, went to a couple of recovery meetings, maybe cooked dinner, restaurants, a bit of sightseeing, even a trip or two to the baths. Tried to do pretty much what I would do at home in L.A. if I was there.

In the end, I decided against a move — but that, as they say, was then. I’ve never closed the door completely on that idea. It’s a fascinating place!