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Old Enough to Know Everything

Fairly recently — I’d say maybe within the last couple of years, maybe more — I’ve realized that the world’s patience with me being uncertain — about basically anything — has ended. Because I’m old enough to know everything.

Subtle ageism, perhaps?

Blogger on the left at a callow 16/17. On right, at an uncertain 66.

I’ve always been a fan of the retort, usually attributed to Oscar Wilde, as said to any know-it-all: “I’m not young enough to know everything.”

Because there’s a truth to that. When you’re a young or young-at-heart person, you are sure of things. Even though you could be and often are totally wrong.

Which is something you learn as you mature. As you get older, because with age comes experience, at least lived experience. Even if you’re a total idiot in other regards. Which teaches you a few things:

There are Patterns

Actions come with consequences or results, which are often predictable. There’s less magical thinking and daydreaming, as you internalize the truth of, for instance, not doing the same thing over and over to expect new and different results (the 12-step definition of insanity, by the way).

So if you get a parking ticket and ignore it, it won’t magically go away. It will get more expensive and thus more painful for you. This pattern is endlessly repeated throughout life.

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The Only Constant is Change

I know it’s a cliche, but it’s really true that the only thing you can really count on is that things keep changing. This is one thing definitely reinforced by living longer because you simply get more evidence this is true.

Just when you think things are all set, something will happen to spin the story in an entirely different direction. To paraphrase another 12-step favorite, “if you want the universe to laugh at you, tell it your plans.”

True Catastrophes are Rare

I’m a fairly anxious individual and my go-to reaction for almost any obstacle is that it’s going to be a catastrophe. Possibly the worst thing that ever happened, and I certainly won’t be surviving it.

I felt this way when I got cancer. I’m still here. I felt that way when George Bush won a second term in 2004. Somehow we all survived that. Trump was/is a catastrophe but he hasn’t succeeded in destroying the country – not yet anyway. Climate change may beat him to it – but I’m optimistic. Because there’s really no other choice that makes sense to me.

Personally, I’ve been fired from jobs, had creditors actually come knocking on my door, had messy breakups with screaming men. Somehow I’m still an outwardly calm 66-year-old.

Perhaps that’s why people, younger mainly simply because there are more of them — can’t seem to tolerate any ambiguity from me. If I don’t possess the answers, then who does?

So, you know, ask me anything — since I apparently know everything.

Ten Reasons Older Adult Gay Men Like Younger Adult Gay Men

Christopher Isherwood (l) and Don Bachardy in the late ’70s.

For this week, the 10 reasons from the point of view of the older guy in the intergenerational pairing. *

Again, these are reasons I’ve come up with myself from my own experience or anecdotally from things I’ve observed.

So here we go, here are some possible reasons an older guy might seek out a younger adult guy:

He’s adorably beautiful: well, duh. The cynics among you will say that this is reasons 2 through 10, as well. Got to admit there is something about that dewy fresh flesh that springs back when you touch it.
He’s agreeable: from postponing dinner till nine to having a Diet Pepsi when he really prefers a Diet Coke (cause it’s all you’ve got) younger men can be more easy going. There’s that shrug: whatever.
He’s enthusiastic: younger guys will often (if not always) want to do something with a consuming passion! They don’t merely say yes; they’re all in.
He’s GGG (good, giving, game) – this comes from Dan Savage and his “Savage Love” sex advice program — he strives to be good in bed, to be giving to his partner, and game to try out something which may not be #1 on his own list (see enthusiastic, above).

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He’s respectful: By the very nature of finding himself with you, he’s respectful of all the gifts an older person can give to an individual and to society; it used to be that everyone was raised to be that way, these days, not so much.
He’s trying to please: I find that this urge to please the older person is almost always part of the dynamic, often unexpected. But I’m not complaining.
He’s teachable/nurturable: Oscar Wilde famously said, “I’m not young enough to know everything.” But all twentysomethings are not that way, and often I’ve found younger men wanting to learn things that life experience has already taught someone older. (I was not this way, however, I was young enough to know absolutely everything! Now I’m trying to unlearn it all.)
He’s usually more interested in the larger cultural landscape: what I mean is that he often will have interests beyond the narrow diversions of his own particular generation. It may come as a keen interest in winemaking, or opera, or deep sea diving.
He’s accommodating: He knows he can’t have everything his own way so is more likely to compromise and enjoy the differences between the generations, and he’s authentically interested in learning about those differences.
Finally, he’s trusting, he’s expecting that level of integrity from you because you’re an older, hopefully wiser, person. In our cynical times, that’s a refreshing quality.

Just for the record, I’ll date someone of any (adult) age. It’s always an individual attraction thing for me, and there’s no specific type I’m looking for. Do you (either younger or older) date out of your own generation?

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Why are Gay Cruises Going to Intolerant Ports of Call?

Photo by Kelsey Borza

2 US men arrested on gay cruise in Caribbean

Reading this has made me go apoplectic, I mean, this is so wrong on so many levels, where does one begin?

First of all, the two men were arrested on suspicion of “buggery?” OK, what century is this, people? Are we back in the 1800s, just in time for the Oscar Wilde trial?

I really have no opinion on the appropriateness or lack of it as regards sex in public – only the consequences. Yes, it can be in bad taste (especially if perpetrators are unattractive, but I digress), but can you honestly imagine a male/female couple being arrested on a cruise ship and put into a tropical hell hole jail?

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So this entire episode brings up more questions. The big one is, of course, why are gay cruises going to island countries which have backward, bigoted laws such as this? Surely there are enough islands in the stream to visit which have our back, so to speak.

According to the story:

(Atlantis Cruises) President Rich Campbell, who is aboard the cruise, said in a phone interview earlier that he thought the two men would be released. He later said in an email that the company has organized many trips to Dominica and would “happily return.”

“Many countries and municipalities that gay men visit and live in have antiquated laws on their books,” he said. “These statutes don’t pose a concern to us in planning a tourist visit.”

OK, Rich, you’d happily return after your paying customers were hustled off your ship and put in jail, and they you and your fucking Atlantis Cruises boat just left them there? And then you go on to say that you have no problem visiting these types of countries with their antiquated laws? I wonder, Rich, if your paying gay cruise customers are aware of this cavalier attitude you have – which also assumes that they wouldn’t care if their gay dollars are being spent on said islands thereby helping support these corrupt regimes.

I think it would be a good idea for all gay cruises and their customers to take a good, long look at the places they’re visiting – and find out just how gay-positive these countries are. It might not be a simple task to change these laws or even the hearts and minds of such people – but we can certainly stop supporting their economies though tourism. Boycott? Hell, yes, if that helps.

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