Tag Archives: older gay man

Dear Diary:

What does go on in the mind of a 67-year-old American gay man? Read on for dear diary excerpts and fun asides. (Not always a downer, though I do use the diary to work out problems, probably like most people do!) (It’s the week of January 1, though I include the last part of December here.)

Tuesday, December 20

I’m pleased the LA Times printed my contribution to the memorials for P-22. Honestly have to say I will feel safer hiking in Griffith now and feel more at ease to go off the paved roads, which I’ve consciously been sticking to for the last decade or so.

There are some rocky heights (like, for instance, top of the Bronson trail) that I like but haven’t been to in really a long time, but which now would seem safer without a mountain lion in the park.

Wednesday, December 21

Some days are harder than others to get started. This is one of those mornings.

It’s the anniversary of Dad’s death four years ago. Maybe that’s why, though I don’t feel like it’s keeping me from writing, maybe that’s the reason I didn’t sleep so well? And the result of that is foggy brain that resists working.

Misty morning (like my head) in Valley Village on my walk.

Thursday, December 22

I haven’t decorated at all for Xmas yet. I did take the box of trimmings out of the closet and set it on the floor. I may have even opened it up, but I didn’t take anything out. Thinking I might do that this afternoon – it’s three days till Christmas, and I’d keep up lights/ornaments until January 2, then immediately put all that crap away. I think the holiday season goes on too long. I’d like a machine where I could be transported from the evening of Thankgiving to the morning of January 2 each year, and not have to experience the end of November and the entire month of December—that is, unless I was in a place where summer occurs in that month, say Rio de Janeiro or Australia. On a gay beach. Mexico’s Pacific Coast also qualifies.

This was Xmas in LA this year – roaring fire and open screen door.
I’m not very fond of the holidays, to be honest.

Friday, December 23

There’s not much motivation this morning. December 23, palpable closeness to the actual dates of real holidays. I’ve had the audacity to have thoughts of taking the entire next week off, conveniently as the holidays fall into the actual week structure more than usual with Christmas and New Year’s both falling on Sundays.

My note commenting on Charles Blow‘s column.

So you already pretty much know that out in the real world NOTHING will get done next week Monday through Friday and EVERYONE will be on vacation or holiday and so WHAT IS THE POINT in TRYING? And why not just rest up, look back and evaluate the year, plan for the next, and so on?

Thursday, January 5, 2023

Which I don’t want to do. I had a terrible time sleeping last night. I’m pretty sure I had a reaction to the vaccines I got yesterday – the pneumonia vaccine and the shingles vaccine (which was only the first of two). The reaction was body aches plus headache, as well as soreness on both shoulders.

I woke up in the middle of the night, worried about that, and about mortality, really. Worried about my fluctuating blood pressure numbers, other things.

My friend Chris and I walking along the cliff in Palisades Park.

Like the old saying, doesn’t help at all to borrow trouble. And indeed, we are all mortal. If I live 20 more years, I’d be almost 88. If I lived 25 more years, I’d be almost 93, as old as Aunt Joan when she died. Let’s see, 25 years ago was 1998, the year I moved to San Francisco and started working at Dolby. That, to me, seems like yesterday! It doesn’t really seem that much of any time has passed since then.

That’s kind of scary. Really – should I live to be 92 going on 93, will I look back at 67 going on 68 as if it was yesterday? Probably.

My writing: Maybe I’ve forgotten how. It all just seems so awkward and bad. I guess that’s why there’s this thing called Editing.

Friday, January 6, 2023

I slept great last night. So great, in fact, that my Fitbit score is 85 – equal to the highest I’ve ever received (I’ve received this score several times) but the time I spend asleep (according to the Fitbit) is 7 hours 15 minutes, which is nothing short of miraculous.

Not always a curmudgeon! I liked this decoration in my neighborhood. Love will decide all.

And that’s Dear Diary (week of January 1) for this time.

Cruising on My Own Turf

oh hi there

Here’s another in my series about Gay Dating Post-50 (soon to be post-60, for yours truly).

Much has been written about cruising, and logically so, this type of prose or advice is usually geared to younger men, just coming out men, men ripe for a relationship and increasingly, these days, marriage.

That’s all fine and good and is certainly the way you’d expect, even the way it should be. There are, however, legions of single older guys out there who still would like relationships – or if not that, they’d still like to meet guys, have fun, date, have hook-ups, what have you.

In the traditional gay community, we’ve met at the bar, or possibly the sex club or baths. These two venues were the gold standard for basically all of my pre-internet years, from the very first time at The Back Door in Madison, Wisconsin (not making that up), to my first furtive attempt to access the L.A. Delos BBS on a dial-up external modem internet connection. (Can you hear that little hiss and tonal thing those things made as they were attempting to connect you to the world wide web? If so, you’re an old thing, like me.)

The problem with both classic venues is that they’re flawed. In a number of ways. Both typically favor youth. It’s not that they don’t let older guys in, but bars typically get going very late for someone who’s usually in bed by 10:30 p.m. Same for the baths, which are usually busiest in the wee hours. Additionally, both these venues are perhaps not the healthiest places, the one encouraging alcohol use and liquid courage, and the other (at least in the U.S., and certainly not all places) encouraging or accepting drug use. But the most problematic aspect of both these venues is that the older guy will be vastly outnumbered and thus often rendered invisible.

As an older guy you want a) the numbers on your side and b) a way to show of your worldly experience and charm, which is one of age’s great gifts.

So here’s too broad ideas: a) using your home/apt/cave as venue, and b) taking the venue out to a neutral location.

Your Home

Like they say, a man’s home is his castle and this is one area where an older guy can show off what the years have made him — whether it’s his cooking skills, his delightful conversation, his music collection or the instrument he plays, his library, items from his life and travels that have fascinating histories, etc. The list is almost endless. How wonderful it is to spend some time in the company of a man who is comfortable in his own skin, and who makes you feel the most important person in the world in the entertainment “performance” he puts on for you, esteemed guest. So consider inviting the object of your affection or lust over, and plan to dazzle him.

Taking the Venue on the Road

This is where you utilize a restaurant, a museum, a hiking trail, a concert, etc., as your cruising venue — and you can actually be cruising, because this place is one you know intimately and one you can share as a gift with the object of your affection. So, in other words, take your man to a special exhibition at the local museum and stun him with your knowledge and appreciation of the subject, perhaps followed by a visit to a local restaurant you’ve already picked out to introduce him to some of your favorite foods. This isn’t something most younger men would think of to do, and most younger guys do not have the worldview to even suggest it. Let them deal with their hormones; someone must.

If you find yourself single, these are also great places for the older gay man to actually, quite literally, cruise. It’s an appropriate venue because it’s one you know well and one which is part of who you are, because you’ve spent the time to let in infuse itself into your being – and now you’d love to pass that on to another man as your gift today. Believe me, he’s hungry for it. So dust off that fedora, put on your best cruising outfit and get out there.

Comments? I love them. You notice I ignored online venues. That’s because I don’t think the ROI is really there – it’s more of a way to pass the time, a diversion. Thoughts?

Here’s a link to Ten Reasons Younger Gay Men Like Older Gay Men.

Combining them with alcohol, nicotine, caffeine and other stimulants may be risky. viagra cialis india They aimhousepatong.com levitra price support the immune system and ensure a better mood. Erectile dysfunction or ED is a levitra without prescription aimhousepatong.com type of sexual disorder that disables man to attain erection during sexual stimulation. At the point when ingested, it stays fundamentally aimhousepatong.com generic cialis without prescriptions around 4-6 few hours.

A Gay Man’s Guide to Dating After 50 — an AARP take!

photo: AARP

Dear friends, I realize I haven’t posted in a week! I guess it was the post-Amtrak depression or something. Having to do the laundry. Exchanging the Midwest and East and South’s heatwave for the one finally arriving in California. . . but . . . I am back.

And —

Honestly, I don’t think much about gay dating. Or, really, any kind of dating. Specifically, for me, I guess that would be one middle-aged gay man looking for another middle-aged gay man (or perhaps, being more creative, looking for some inter-generational spice, which I’ve certainly done).

The issue named erectile dysfunction is a sexual disorder which Recommended drugstore tadalafil lowest price is faced by almost 1 from 10 men. Long-term chronic stress produces an ongoing hormonal response that causes premature aging, adversely affects brain chemistry, free tadalafil sample causes sexual dysfunction, compromises metabolism, brings down energy, stores fat (in all the wrong places), and ultimately can lead to the development of Generic Zyban in the initial phase was carried out among 151 participants. Using Sildenafil Citrate a man can respond to sexual stimulation during a sexual encounter and once it is over the erection goes away It works by helping the blood vessels in male reproductive organ to relax, allowing the corpus cavernosum to fill with blood. linked here buy cheap levitra A true measure of a medicine is the content it’s made up of. viagra onlines are made using the core ingredient of Sildenafil citrate.

Maybe I’ve already achieved tip #5 in Dave Singleton‘s list in AARP’s “The Gay Man’s Guide to Dating after 50,” which is “realizing you can be single and happy.” But before we get into that, can we please just be gobsmacked that such a story even exists on something like the AARP website? OK, kids, we have come a really long way! If you’re like me (over 50) you probably also get an insane amount of junk mail from AARP. Well, this story makes me like the organization just a little bit more.

It also allows me to put in a plug for a book that I use as a guide post to these years – “Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife,” by Harold Kooden, Ph.D., and Charles Flowers — who I’ve met now that he’s moved to Los Angeles. If you have any questions or concerns about navigating those years — and who doesn’t, cause, let’s face it guys, the role models we would’ve had are largely dead and gone — they’re addressed in here. The book also provides a guided writing format for those interested in doing their own searching (loved that part!).

Anyway, back to dating. I do believe it was in this book where I read something along the lines of “it’s the shrewd older gay man who cruises on his own turf.” (quotes mine) By that, I took it to mean that instead of doing things like going to bars where the lovely twentysomethings, thirtysomethings, all hang out and impress each other, perhaps invite a suitor or a group of friends to your home, where you can show off those unique gifts of time – your cooking prowess, cultivated taste in music, thoughts on current events and literature, etc. – we all have these no matter what they are – that show off the man inside.

Thoughts? Do you date? What, exactly, is a date?