Tag Archives: aging well

Sexy in the Eye of the Beholder

I saw this, thought it was lovely, so I wanted to share it:

“When gay men accept their own aging bodies and learn to lust after the changing bodies of the men around them, they grow up. When gay men cast off their manufactured youth fetish and celebrate essential, healthy, and whole masculine aging (manliness in all its imperfect manifestations), they discover new sexual possibilities, new ways of imaging and creating themselves, a whole new world where gay liberation becomes a limitless journey and not a restricted destination.”

(This is from “The Ephebe is Dead – Long Live the Bear” by David Greig in The Bear Book II ed. by Les Wright, 2001.)

American culture in general suffers from youth worship, and American gay culture even more so, if that’s possible. Even in 2021 it’s rare to see a photo of anyone over the age of 40 (and certainly no advertising) in any LGBT publication. Life doesn’t end at 35, it never did and it’s really important to remember that, even when the larger culture screams “youth” incessantly.

One of the things about the above quote that rings most true is the notion of a “manufactured youth fetish” – we’re told, mostly by advertisers, to lust after youth and thinness/hairlessness because that’s all we’re shown. The reality is oh, so much broader. Sexy is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

So let’s celebrate our age – whatever it happens to be – as vital, masculine and sexy in its own unique expression.

Here’s some photos of the blogger, from teenage hippie to masked senior citizen. I felt sexy (well, at least a little bit!) in every photo. I hope that continues.

(Here are some great essays from Damon Jacobs on the power of aging and the wisdom that can come from that.)

1972 – his eyes were mere slits
2009 – why is the mirror crooked?
2011 – garden party
2014 – every day was hat day
2017 – fedora nation
2020 – ready for safer sex in a pandemic
2021 – one happy place (NOLA)
2021 – another happy place (Griffith Park)

Is Is Time to Leave Los Angeles? 2015 Ruminations. . .

More drummers at Melrose/Heliotrope – cultural diversity I love about Los Angeles

latest thoughts on this. . .

I thought I’d write another post about this, wondering if it’s time to leave Los Angeles, to accompany this one I wrote previously when I was truly wondering if I should move. (posted October, 2012, so 2.5 years ago just about). . .

Well, since then, some things have changed. I was able to finally find a part-time job in October, 2013, which has been regular and steady. And very helpful. In fact, I think I said in the other post, if I was working I wouldn’t feel like leaving.

That’s still true. But there’s more. Since I wrote that post I’ve done a bunch of research into other possible places to live. Turns out I have it better than I ever suspected, and yes, I’m susceptible to the inevitable “the grass is always greener” phenom.

I’ve been lucky enough to visit all over the United States, and while there’s still many nice places out there, no place is perfect and every city I considered had a long list of both pros and cons. Other than California and perhaps Hawaii and a town or two in Florida, continental U.S. warm states tend to be deeply conservative places, which puts them automatically on the reject list. Want a mid-sized city with lots of arts and good public transportation and a thriving LGBT community? You might find one out of three or even two out of three (or in the case of Madison, I suppose it could be three out of three? Then again, Madison is not warm).

So the places I researched or thought about, cause I’m sure you wonder: Palm Springs (OK, I did live there before, so not too much research was necessary), Tucson, Flagstaff, New Orleans, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Madison, and perhaps I gave Portland a listen to, because, well, it’s Portland and it’s a requirement (just kidding).

Every place else was either too conservative or too expensive or too cold or too remote or too anti-gay or too . . .something. I never said I wasn’t picky.

So realizing I was picky and that the main thing that bothered me about L.A. was the cost of living, I tried to figure out how to live here on less. Because rather than leave, I think (at least for now) I have the desire and the need to still make it work.

Key developments that have helped, in the past couple of years, are the full implementation of the ACA and the constant LA Metro expansion of service (and build-out of infrastructure). With the ACA, it’s made health insurance actually affordable for someone like me, a self-employed man of 60 with a history of cancer and a few other things that previously would’ve made me uninsurable.

Since one of the key changes I made to continue living here in Los Angeles at a standard which was acceptable to me was giving up ownership of an automobile, our Metro system is exceedingly important. While not perfect (since nothing actually is), it’s suited my needs quite well, especially when combined with my other modes of transport: my feet, bike, the occasional Uber or taxi, the rare rental car. I’m kind of amazed this has worked out as well as it has for almost two years now.

Still, health insurance and good transport can make a place more livable, but it’s the people that really ultimately gave me the answer. You can’t take friendships lightly, realizing how precious they really are and how difficult it is to make new friends in a new place (especially after a certain age) if there is even the desire to do so. And that was the crux of this move-or-not-move issue: being honest, I had to admit I didn’t have the drive or the desire to pick up stakes and make all new friends, yet one more time. So I’m here.

For now, perhaps permanently, or at least until my next rant. And of course, you know there will be one.

Science on Happiness

Happiness: Why am I still bummed out?

Interesting article on the nature of happiness.

Somewhere in it the author (John Keilman) says people tend to be happier after 50. From my own experience, I would agree with that. Maybe it’s because of the accumulated life experience, which does seem to indicate that things rarely (though sometimes they do) go as bad as we imagine they will.

Also, as the story points out, as we age we seek moderation more than the extreme thrills – I’m not sure that applies to everyone, but certainly I can see myself in that camp.

What makes you happy? I can list that first cup of coffee in the morning, leafy trees, movie theaters, kids laughing, and yes, those checks in the mail. The knowledge that I have a warm bed waiting for me. Memories of past loves and the anticipation of more in the future.

I learned a while ago that happiness is not something that magically appears, but a decision I can make about a particular moment in time. I’ve liked that power, though I’ll be the first to admit it doesn’t always work.

But sometimes, it does.