This article from New York Magazine on PrEP is probably my favorite of the many, many articles I’ve read on Truvada. What follows below are my thoughts on the idea of taking a PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) for HIV.

no one I know, but I’d kiss them.

In regards to that question in the title — I did have lots of unfearful sex as a young man, before 1981, in the few years between when I became old enough for sex but before AIDS and HIV arrived. Honestly, that was so long ago now (what is it, 35 years, all my subsequent adult years till now?) I really don’t remember what it was like.

Besides, at that point for me, there was still a lot of other fear around gay sex, specifically, the idea that it was wrong. It took, it seems, forever for me, personally, to get over those lies we were fed as kids. But when I finally did and was ready to embrace the kind of sex I was born to have, there was Mr. HIV and an entirely new set of rules, and especially, don’ts.

I continued to have sex during the AIDS years, but it was according to the safest guidelines possible and was always, always tinged with a great amount of fear. For the most part, it was never the feeling of giving yourself over totally to the moment of passion; it seemed there was always something lurking, and always something being held back.

I’m from the generation who lived through the 80s when every cold, every flu, every bump or red spot on your skin could be nothing or it could be the first sign that you were, in fact, dying.

So I greet this news of Truvada and PrEP with nothing short of astonishment. Color me shocked that marriage equality is now the law of the land, as it should be; I’m equally stunned that there’s such a thing as Truvada and it can be taken to actually PREVENT HIV infection.

I’m HIV negative. Do I take Truvada currently? No. Will I take it in the future? I’ve had some discussions with my doctor about it. There’s an insurance issue; it’s expensive. There’s possibly work-arounds for that, programs which make it cheaper or even free. She (my doctor) was more concerned about long term effects, and made the point that you have to gauge what makes the most sense for you at a certain point in time. I’m single, I don’t have a partner; I rarely date; it’s not the prettiest situation at the moment but it probably doesn’t make sense for me personally right now.

That all could change. What if I did suddenly have dates? (Hey, it could happen!) I would like to think I could have that freeing option, something that I did not have at 26, or at 30, at 35, at 40, at 45, at 50, at 55 and. . . well, you get my drift. I would like to know what it’s like to have sex without the fear of contracting HIV. It’s not a reality that I know.

a couple of other points:

• A lot (often it seems the plurality) of the gay men in my age cohort in my location are HIV positive. Truvada would eliminate the HIV barrier that is always there between us, that elephant in the room.
• There’s that part of me that wants to be uninhibited and spontaneous after decades of worry (as well as other issues that have negatively affected my sex life, specifically, prostate cancer and its treatment). Why can’t I have this? Please, please tell me why? The last quote in the article I linked to above was another question. It asked, simply, Why Should We Keep Punishing Ourselves? 

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