photo: AARP

Dear friends, I realize I haven’t posted in a week! I guess it was the post-Amtrak depression or something. Having to do the laundry. Exchanging the Midwest and East and South’s heatwave for the one finally arriving in California. . . but . . . I am back.

And —

Honestly, I don’t think much about gay dating. Or, really, any kind of dating. Specifically, for me, I guess that would be one middle-aged gay man looking for another middle-aged gay man (or perhaps, being more creative, looking for some inter-generational spice, which I’ve certainly done).

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Maybe I’ve already achieved tip #5 in Dave Singleton‘s list in AARP’s “The Gay Man’s Guide to Dating after 50,” which is “realizing you can be single and happy.” But before we get into that, can we please just be gobsmacked that such a story even exists on something like the AARP website? OK, kids, we have come a really long way! If you’re like me (over 50) you probably also get an insane amount of junk mail from AARP. Well, this story makes me like the organization just a little bit more.

It also allows me to put in a plug for a book that I use as a guide post to these years – “Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife,” by Harold Kooden, Ph.D., and Charles Flowers — who I’ve met now that he’s moved to Los Angeles. If you have any questions or concerns about navigating those years — and who doesn’t, cause, let’s face it guys, the role models we would’ve had are largely dead and gone — they’re addressed in here. The book also provides a guided writing format for those interested in doing their own searching (loved that part!).

Anyway, back to dating. I do believe it was in this book where I read something along the lines of “it’s the shrewd older gay man who cruises on his own turf.” (quotes mine) By that, I took it to mean that instead of doing things like going to bars where the lovely twentysomethings, thirtysomethings, all hang out and impress each other, perhaps invite a suitor or a group of friends to your home, where you can show off those unique gifts of time – your cooking prowess, cultivated taste in music, thoughts on current events and literature, etc. – we all have these no matter what they are – that show off the man inside.

Thoughts? Do you date? What, exactly, is a date?