I see lots of advice tips on websites and vlogs on YouTube addressing this topic, almost always from a straight perspective, almost always the straight male perspective. About how not to be a woman’s best buddy when you would really like to be her lover.

This is also an issue in gay land. It can be even more confusing, since we find our sexual partners and most of our platonic friends from the same gender as ourselves. When you meet a new gay man, I’m sure I’m not the only one to want to classify him into either the potential dating/sex category or into the possible friend category–almost immediately. (And I am talking here about actual in-person meetings with guys, what they used to call meet-cute, not casual sex transactions delivered via smartphone or computer app —  although those certainly have their place and value.)

And it’s not always apparent which one it should be! Friend or stud? Is he available? Am I attracted to him that way and just as important, does he have an attraction to me? Sometimes further investigation or time is necessary to determine which category this man should fall into.

Does all this seem rather predatory and cold? It seems that way as I’m writing it. I guess a better world would be one where we’re all kumbayah and open to whatever gifts strangers have for us and we have for them, whether that means sex/romance, friendship, neighborliness, networking, help, education and enlightenment, mentoring, or what have you. But I do think it’s honest that people with a sex drive who are looking for possible partners classify newcomers in this binary way.

That said, in gay land I think there’s a pretty quick time limit to figure this out, if indeed sex/romance is really where you want to go with this new person. Because if nothing happens over the course of a few meetings, most of the time that means you are in the friend zone.

So, how to avoid that if your desire is on the personal side?

• Be direct. This is no time to hope that being flirty will get picked up on or that he’s going to notice you sighing in his direction. Don’t you love a confident guy who verbalizes his desire by saying such things as “I’d like to have sex with you” or “I’d like to spend more time with you to get to know you in a personal way.” I wish that would happen with everyone. It doesn’t, because
• We’re afraid of rejection. Because it hurts so bad. But if you can get over it, because this is numbers game, you can keep moving things along and go on to the next person. If he says no to your advances, you’re in the friend zone and that’s great. Not great if you had that crush, but yes great because “no” is as good an answer as “yes,” because it is definitive and keeps you moving.
• Don’t wait too long to figure out what you want with him. After dating/flirting/f****ing with other gay men now for over 40 years I can tell you that you already know in your gut. Trying to decide is just a game we play with ourselves trying to avoid point #2, above (rejection). Honestly there comes a point where that spark that could’ve ignited is gone and he’s going to be your sister not your lover.
• And it’s great having friends! Not to say that if you end up in the friend zone with someone you really wanted to go to bed with that it won’t be valuable and wonderful and a really fantastic friendship. I had such a relationship with at least one guy that was truly wonderful. And, on the opposite side, I do know at least one married gay couple that were “best friends” forever before the romance kicked in, so that can happen too.

Bonus related item: People who show outsize interest on social media want more from you than lunch once every six months. You can start making up this list of potential partners from those who “like” every photo you ever post on facebook, who retweet your tweets on a regular basis, who “like” your instagram photos, too! Not foolproof but I think it’s a good indicator that he’s interested in more than being affirmative of your social media presence.

After all human beings are supposed to be the only animals levitra 20 mg on the planet who engage in sexual intercourse for 3-5 days. This way, the viagra 100 mg check for source ingredients of Kamagra pills work best when you are ready for an intimacy. However, sexual viagra online sample supplement for women remain the most popular ways of getting the kick back. There are viagra no doctor also some risks associated with long term drug therapy.