What I Learned About Leaving the Workforce Early – Some Thoughts On That

thank you CNN

I’ve realized lately that I’ve read an incredible amount about early retirement, reinvention, midlife change, and related topics to probably write a book on the subject. OK, maybe not enough for a book, but certainly enough for a blog post.

So I write this in service of anyone reading who may be contemplating these issues and the difficult decisions they often entail.

First of all, once you leave a certain level of job early, you can’t go back. It’s like going home again, you can go to the physical place, but you can’t ever recapture the feeling you think you remember. I find it’s the same kind of thing with the working world. You’ve moved on; they’ve moved on and everything is different. It’s an important choice to leave, and not one to take lightly.

I left a high paying high esteem high stress corporate type job (public relations work) in the early aughts for more time to devote to writing and filmmaking and other creative pursuits; while having that time has been great, I didn’t truly suss out the financials, whether it be self-employment or part time work or just living on savings.

While it is possible I could survive on savings, living a very frugal existence (which I have done for some of the time since I left this aforementioned job), I’m the type to get nervous at only seeing spending with no income coming in at all. So I wanted to do something, just not what I was doing before which was overwhelming (this I realized after I survived a bout of cancer while at that job).

So one of the dirty truths I’ve learned is that nobody will hire you in the same industry you used to work in at a lower level job. You can only be hired again at the same level you were at or higher. The idea that someone with a lot of experience might want a lower pressure job just for the sake of paying the bills does not really compute with the HR types or the always upwardly -driven. And it’s even more that you “marry” your job these days than it was when I left – -management employees are tethered to the company 24/7 by all manner of digital handcuffs. So, no thanks.

So if you don’t want to get back on that rat race treadmill, new opportunities will always pay less. Sometimes really a lot less. So this it another thing I’d think long and hard about: do you really need or want to leave that job so much that you’re willing to give up the salary and the perks that come with it? You’re saying “of course I do, I just have to escape it, it’s hell.” Hell is also having absurd health care costs when you have just very basic insurance; no paid holidays or vacations, no fun gadgets the corporate budget pays for, certainly no paid-for travel, food or even coffee!

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I have been greatly blessed in my life; we’re not talking about a hell of no roof over my head or no food on the table, so I’m really not complaining so much as managing expectations. But can someone tell me whatever happened to that idea of job-sharing – for instance, you “share” the job, say, of PR Director with another person; perhaps they work mornings and you work afternoons, or alternate days. You’d think in PR, which as a industry has a ton of female executives, there’d be mothers who’d want that kind of arrangement. But it seems it never took off. One person I asked told me it was around the idea of benefits, as in, who gets the healthcare. Just one more reason for national single payer, Medicare for everyone, if you ask me.

Another thing I’d mention is that age discrimination is rampant and horrible and really hard to pin down. After my last full-time job layoff at the end of 2009, I got crickets response to my resume, with its 30 years of PR experience and several more years of publishing experience. Gurus I talked to encouraged me to leave off the year of my college graduation (1980 – and that was 3 years later than if I’d gone directly after high school) but I figured when they called me in for the interview they’d figure out my age anyway. Except – there haven’t been any interviews! I’ve not been called into any interviews for full time communications jobs in the last five years. Depressing, sure. You become, in a sense, unmanageable (and I understand this now) which derives from many things – experience, age, temperament, your accumulated wisdom, etc.

So one of the gurus told me: “I think consulting is the way you should go.”

Truly, she was correct. And actually, there wasn’t much alternative. So I have become a B2B writing consultant. But this guru also said: “And then you must commit to it 3000 percent!” She was right about that, too. Passion is key if you’re going to become successfully self-employed. Not everyone is cut out for this. For most of us, clients don’t grow on trees. You need to do major marketing work to have a chance to bring in the work — so again, make sure this is something you really want to do.

Some other thoughts on early retirement/involuntary retirement: If you retire at, say, 55, that’s maybe 30 years in retirement. That’s a long time, a really long time! You really need to think long and hard about what you’re going to do with all that time. Lying around the pool or catching up on TV series is OK for a month or so, but beyond that I think most people need a purpose. In fact, I’d say you shouldn’t retire even at a traditional retirement age of 65 or 66 unless you have a plan for what you’re going to do with all that time.

I used to look down on people who were unemployed or said they couldn’t find a job, thinking they were probably doing it wrong or just plain lazy. Then it happened to me. Funny how that works, eh?

I have more pearls I hope to share in future posts.

homo-centric at Stories in Echo Park — May 21 2015

That’s right, once again I’m happy to be part of Hank Henderson’s homo-centric reading series, held every third Thursday at Stories (INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE!) in Echo Park, Los Angeles.

I’ll be reading from “Kept,” my novel in progress (close to done!). Writers Albert Serna Jr. and George Snyder will also be reading there. Check out the link to the homo-centric site (click on the picture to the left) and come on down to join us!
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Clicking Through Torsos: Is this the Death of Romance?

Grindr

Scruff

AOL Chat

Manhunt

What a BBS looked like

So, a rant on this — or something along those lines. Who among you has not gotten frustrated and bored with the endless pages of gay dating/hookup apps and their lovely torso photographs? All of which look remarkably alike — they’re gay torsos, after all, so they look worked out and toned, even perhaps manscaped. Often, a buff or not-so-buff torso will even initiate a conversation or reply to a question you’ve asked it.

It’s enough to make a reasonably honest person want to pitch his smartphone off the nearest bridge.

The devolution of male/male contact from highly intricate interpersonal pairings in real time, to the impersonal meat market apps we have today, has had its own evolution – from the BBS-es I remember from the late 1980s to America Online chat rooms to IRC in the 90s and now, in the last several years, to smartphone apps such as Scruff and Grindr. Finally, after all of that, is this what we’ve become to each other, a clickable collection of torsos, penises and butts? Where are the faces? Where is the romance? You’re telling me this is progress?

I can’t believe that.

Here’s Ten Quick Suggestions on rekindling a sense of romance in our smart phone app crazy-crazy world:

Dress up. Sure, probably you’re reading this at home in front of your laptop wearing your underwear and a dirty t-shirt. Maybe you go about your day – not a work day, but a free day, a day off – and dress up to look your best. Would that make you feel romantic? Works with me, and people notice. (Or maybe try a green carnation in your buttonhole, like they used to do to recognize team members.)
Go out. Not as in coming out, though you should already be — but get out of the house and meet live humans. So many of “our” places have gone away because people don’t go out anymore – and why bother when you can order a torso in? So:
Rediscover our gay legacy. The truth is that men were meeting each other, hooking-up and falling in love for eons before the Internet and smart phones. We’d meet in our bars, at the public baths, which became bathhouses, or at bookstores, cruisy plazas and streets where you’d “just know” to go (or some kind person would tell you). So, for those places:
There’s the fine art of cruising men. In public. This is different from stalking a torso on a phone screen. I think this is becoming a lost art! There are books out there, however. There’s even a video called “The Art of Cruising Men,” while mostly tongue-in-cheek, has lots of accurate and helpful tips for meeting that man of your dreams or even just the man of the hour.
Learn seduction. Related to but slightly different from cruising, as this is more intentional and has perhaps a longer timeframe to work itself out. This is all about interpersonal relations, and shouldn’t we all aspire to better at those, no matter where we start from? We’ve come to rely on technologies like texting for so much of our communications we don’t remember how to have a real conversation.
Resolve to be more direct. If you are with a guy and what you really want is to have sex with him, ask directly, as in, “I would like to have sex with you.” Guys will love you for it, and you’ll get some yeses. There’s really nothing quite as sexy as confidence.
The first runner-up is a winner. Don’t demand perfection, cause you know you’re never going to get it. Remember that nice, pretty good looking guy who said hello to you as you were waiting on Mr. Perfect standing there across the room? Don’t wait too long — that nice non-perfect guy is the one who is going to make you happy.
Don’t be predictable – try surprising some guy you have a crush on in a really great but not necessarily sexy way. Then couple that with something you learned in Seduction 101as a followup.
Don’t overlook your friends and acquaintances. We have this advantage over straight people in that our gay friends and buddies could possibly be more to us that we ever thought possible.
Finally, realize that we as gay men didn’t spend decades fighting for our rights, then another few decades fighting for our lives to live faceless and safe behind a checkerboard on a little screen. There is a community out there we made for ourselves. It’s up to us to keep it.

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Artist Bruce LaBruce Thinks Gays Should Stop Selling Their Souls

Bruce LaBruce

I really liked this VICE interview with Bruce LaBruce. Why? It’s the old school, uncompromising vision that’s so true to what he’s all about.

It’s crystal clear he understands who he is, what he’s interested in doing/exploring. Maybe because he’s not American (he’s from Canada). He’s not straight-friendly; he’s in your face. He comes out of a tradition that’s much more DIY, much less corporate than our current art-making milieu — but then again it’s not so long ago to be unrecognizable or hardly believable — say, the Bohemian “beatnik” days of the late 50s early 60s, or the hippie era about a decade later.

No, the late 80s early 90s is an era in memory, though it sometimes seems longer ago – maybe that’s because it’s still pre-Internet, and our world has so vastly changed since then. Imagine saving all your Google inquiries to a pen-and-paper notebook and spending Saturday afternoon in a library to physically look each one up. That was life not very long ago, just one small example, now multiply that by the millions and you get some idea of how technology has changed things for all of us.

But I digress. There just is something about such artists in our gay world – such as Bruce LaBruce, John Waters, Gregg Araki, Dennis Cooper (who is mentioned in the linked article), Joey Arias, and so many others who had that clarity of vision and to be able to combine that with not caring about the business of art – that they never expected to make money or be popular even. They would just continue to put out there what they did best.

These, I think, are the people to emulate and who can serve as role models in a gay culture that’s largely pressured more and more every day to assimilate.

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Five Humble Suggestions for Yoga Teachers

not me but I look just like this when doing yoga.

So just a short rant today, on things that annoy me in yoga class. Really, I love it, I just joined a local studio as a member, making a long term commitment to yoga practice. But what would I be if not a whiner? You know better. So, yoga instructors, here are five suggestions for you:

don’t make us buddy up and do partner poses. Really, nobody likes that. Well, maybe some extroverts do, but I’ve never met anyone who just couldn’t wait to do this.
Do not teach the class from the back of the room, when all your students are facing the opposite direction! Please know that not everyone can hear you and there are many students who need to have the visual of the pose.
Please use the English (or whatever the local language is) word for the pose rather than only the Sanskrit version! Since all the pose terms basically end with -asana, they all sound alike to the class (well, to most of us). Honestly when you do that (use only the Sanskrit) you’re just showing off.
We’ll agree to Om, but don’t make us sing a yoga song. Not everyone is into the chanting or signed up for this, and again, we don’t know the words.
Finally, end the yoga class on time. Really. There’s probably a room full of annoyed yogis standing outside the studio with their mats in hand, while your students are still inside blissed out on their backs.

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Wealth Inequality Graph — As the Middle Class Disappears

I wanted to post this on my own blog. If you haven’t watched it, do; it’s astounding the discrepancy between rich and poor in this country, and just how many of us have literally practically nothing.
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If that doesn’t make you feel bad enough, here’s a link to Mike Hiltzik’s piece today in the L.A. Times, “Why the Middle Class is Doing Even Worse Than You Think.” Basic takeaway is that middle class wages have remained about the same, adjusted for inflation, since about 1980. The gains have all gone to the – you guessed it — 1% you just saw in that YouTube video.

Writing Groups: Yes, It’s Worth It

Wish I had a beauty like this again. Photo copyright shordzi (Flickr)

So I find myself this week struggling with plot holes in my new book “Kept,” — still slated to be published this year, but not before it’s fixed, edited, prettied up and all worked out. It’s a story about sex and crime, and it’s very plot-driven, though I don’t think it conforms neatly either into a mystery or a thriller formula.

I meet with a writing group every few weeks, and recent meetings have had the other participants questioning characters’ timing and motivation on several issues, prompting me to go back to a timeline I made, as well as my character bios, in the process of clarifying and tightening the story.

While some plot holes (preferably tiny) might be inevitable, I’d rather have none. As the author, it’s excruciatingly difficult to see these sometimes. Hence, the writer group.

Mine is made up of former classmates in the UCLA Extension Writers Program. We meet every few weeks (sometimes every two weeks) and most often it’s four of us. Usually, we all present something, and then critique each other.

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Since constructive criticism is so valuable to a writer and so difficult to accomplish for a reader (or helpful with a framework) I’m going to republish some guidelines here, given to me by one of the best writing teachers anywhere, Claire Carmichael of the UCLA Writing Program.

Assessment of Colleague’s Work – from Claire Carmichael

Apart from the value of your response to each individual, the analysis and evaluation of other people’s writing can give you valuable insights into your own work.

When making your evaluation, always take context into account, including the writer’s overall purpose and intended audience.

Aim for constructive criticism when analyzing another student’s work. Constructive criticism is directed at the writing, not the writer. It uses the highest standards, praising where appropriate, but also focusing on specific problems and areas needing improvement. Constructive criticism provides detailed feedback that includes helpful observations and suggestions.

Points you might consider include:

the use and effectiveness of dialogue, description, tone
the reality of characters and their motivations
pacing and structure
Point of view (choice of POV and changes in POV)
the writer’s individual voice
elements in the writing that particularly engage you
anything that confuses or puzzles
your emotional response
your intellectual response
what stays with you after you have finished reading the extract

The Recent Pretty Pictures Post

I did something to my back. Not quite sure what, and here I am thinking that yoga would make that type of thing a thing of the past. Apparently, not so. So I’m not really feeling up to posting much of a prose post, but kids, I have pictures. Just some recent shots from my life, for your pleasure. I’ll try to caption intelligently so you know what these things represent.

Scarab stained glass at the antique store (where I work part time)

I love this tiny little house in Palm Springs. Isn’t it perfect?

Huge homes visible from the Rainforest Trail in Studio City. I was spying on the 1 percent.

Waiting for the Orange Line Bus at North Hollywood Depot.

Front yard memorial for Leonard Nimoy.

Cute little dog on the subway! A real pro.

Flowers and potatoes at the Farmers Market Sunday mornings.

Saw this painted on the sidewalk in East Hollywood. Yes, Killer Disco!

Jason Jenn at a Homocentric reading.

Rich Villegas at a Homocentric Reading

CicLAvia in the Valley

The Blogger at CicLAvia in the valley, outside of OCH’s.

The donut stand on Magnolia and Keystone in Burbank. That’s my bike, but the guy is someone else.

The guy with the Donkey Head Sombrero. Doesn’t everybody have one?

Roses from a hike on Sunday. So pink! Love them.

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Is Is Time to Leave Los Angeles? 2015 Ruminations. . .

More drummers at Melrose/Heliotrope – cultural diversity I love about Los Angeles

latest thoughts on this. . .

I thought I’d write another post about this, wondering if it’s time to leave Los Angeles, to accompany this one I wrote previously when I was truly wondering if I should move. (posted October, 2012, so 2.5 years ago just about). . .

Well, since then, some things have changed. I was able to finally find a part-time job in October, 2013, which has been regular and steady. And very helpful. In fact, I think I said in the other post, if I was working I wouldn’t feel like leaving.

That’s still true. But there’s more. Since I wrote that post I’ve done a bunch of research into other possible places to live. Turns out I have it better than I ever suspected, and yes, I’m susceptible to the inevitable “the grass is always greener” phenom.

I’ve been lucky enough to visit all over the United States, and while there’s still many nice places out there, no place is perfect and every city I considered had a long list of both pros and cons. Other than California and perhaps Hawaii and a town or two in Florida, continental U.S. warm states tend to be deeply conservative places, which puts them automatically on the reject list. Want a mid-sized city with lots of arts and good public transportation and a thriving LGBT community? You might find one out of three or even two out of three (or in the case of Madison, I suppose it could be three out of three? Then again, Madison is not warm).

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So the places I researched or thought about, cause I’m sure you wonder: Palm Springs (OK, I did live there before, so not too much research was necessary), Tucson, Flagstaff, New Orleans, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Madison, and perhaps I gave Portland a listen to, because, well, it’s Portland and it’s a requirement (just kidding).

Every place else was either too conservative or too expensive or too cold or too remote or too anti-gay or too . . .something. I never said I wasn’t picky.

So realizing I was picky and that the main thing that bothered me about L.A. was the cost of living, I tried to figure out how to live here on less. Because rather than leave, I think (at least for now) I have the desire and the need to still make it work.

Key developments that have helped, in the past couple of years, are the full implementation of the ACA and the constant LA Metro expansion of service (and build-out of infrastructure). With the ACA, it’s made health insurance actually affordable for someone like me, a self-employed man of 60 with a history of cancer and a few other things that previously would’ve made me uninsurable.

Since one of the key changes I made to continue living here in Los Angeles at a standard which was acceptable to me was giving up ownership of an automobile, our Metro system is exceedingly important. While not perfect (since nothing actually is), it’s suited my needs quite well, especially when combined with my other modes of transport: my feet, bike, the occasional Uber or taxi, the rare rental car. I’m kind of amazed this has worked out as well as it has for almost two years now.

Still, health insurance and good transport can make a place more livable, but it’s the people that really ultimately gave me the answer. You can’t take friendships lightly, realizing how precious they really are and how difficult it is to make new friends in a new place (especially after a certain age) if there is even the desire to do so. And that was the crux of this move-or-not-move issue: being honest, I had to admit I didn’t have the drive or the desire to pick up stakes and make all new friends, yet one more time. So I’m here.

For now, perhaps permanently, or at least until my next rant. And of course, you know there will be one.

The Mansionization of L.A.

I hate riding past this intersection (Radford and Landale, Studio City, CA) every Sunday on my way to the Farmers Market because I have to see this:

I’m sure the neighbors must love it, these monstrosities going up next door blotting out the sun and the stars and the view of the hills and what have you. It’s not just the one white house, towering over the cute little homes across the street, but now another one is going up alongside it, seemingly the same ginormous size.

This is a very cute, nice post-war neighborhood with small tract-size or what you might call ranch homes, probably very few of them bigger than 2500 square feet at the original construction. More and more you see these insanely huge new houses, or sometimes just horrid additions to original homes, which look so totally out of place in this neighborhood.

I guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t like this. Here’s a piece from Curbed on what’s being done to stop these awful things from going up — or at least slow them down.

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