Fairly recently — I’d say maybe within the last couple of years, maybe more — I’ve realized that the world’s patience with me being uncertain — about basically anything — has ended. Because I’m old enough to know everything.

Subtle ageism, perhaps?

I’ve always been a fan of the retort, usually attributed to Oscar Wilde, as said to any know-it-all: “I’m not young enough to know everything.”

Because there’s a truth to that. When you’re a young or young-at-heart person, you are sure of things. Even though you could be and often are totally wrong.

Which is something you learn as you mature. As you get older, because with age comes experience, at least lived experience. Even if you’re a total idiot in other regards. Which teaches you a few things:

There are Patterns

Actions come with consequences or results, which are often predictable. There’s less magical thinking and daydreaming, as you internalize the truth of, for instance, not doing the same thing over and over to expect new and different results (the 12-step definition of insanity, by the way).

So if you get a parking ticket and ignore it, it won’t magically go away. It will get more expensive and thus more painful for you. This pattern is endlessly repeated throughout life.

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The Only Constant is Change

I know it’s a cliche, but it’s really true that the only thing you can really count on is that things keep changing. This is one thing definitely reinforced by living longer because you simply get more evidence this is true.

Just when you think things are all set, something will happen to spin the story in an entirely different direction. To paraphrase another 12-step favorite, “if you want the universe to laugh at you, tell it your plans.”

True Catastrophes are Rare

I’m a fairly anxious individual and my go-to reaction for almost any obstacle is that it’s going to be a catastrophe. Possibly the worst thing that ever happened, and I certainly won’t be surviving it.

I felt this way when I got cancer. I’m still here. I felt that way when George Bush won a second term in 2004. Somehow we all survived that. Trump was/is a catastrophe but he hasn’t succeeded in destroying the country – not yet anyway. Climate change may beat him to it – but I’m optimistic. Because there’s really no other choice that makes sense to me.

Personally, I’ve been fired from jobs, had creditors actually come knocking on my door, had messy breakups with screaming men. Somehow I’m still an outwardly calm 66-year-old.

Perhaps that’s why people, younger mainly simply because there are more of them — can’t seem to tolerate any ambiguity from me. If I don’t possess the answers, then who does?

So, you know, ask me anything — since I apparently know everything.