since Alma died.

Alma Maleckar Bear

A relative said to me the other day that only now, after the passage of one year, is he really coming to grips with what a tragedy this was, and only now beginning to get his head around it.

I suppose that’s how I feel as well, still not really believing I’ll never see her smiling face or hear that deep throaty laugh at a family event or a welcome trip to New Orleans.

In my posts last year, I didn’t talk about cause of death, out of consideration for Alma’s husband and parents. Of course, if you’re reading this, you’re likely someone who knew my niece Alma and already knew then and knows now that she killed herself.

I was going to post something on the order of defining suicide as a selfish act, but then I found this.

I was mainly thinking of the effects of that act on our family, on David, and all Alma’s friends and colleagues down in NOLA, in Milwaukee, everywhere. How devastating it was and continues to be. How there is an almost indescribable sadness and sense of loss, an unending frustration about not being able to fix something, something permanently just out of grasp.

But then I do realize, who am I to judge someone, anyone who does this, whether it’s a stranger or a member of my own family?
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In the end, I’m not able to. All I can say is

we miss you.