I saw this meme floating around at Facebook – also reposted by a well-meaning friend, who just happens to be gay as well.

He said he found it humorous and probably true. I think this was probably written by someone who meant well, perhaps someone young and earnest.

But there is just so much wrong here I can’t ignore it, and so I will lay it out for you:

• Likes men, so there’s more women for the rest of us: The rest of us being, I guess, straight men. Somewhat entitled and misogynistic sounding. Perhaps someone is putting together a harem or something. Like all those girls out there are just waiting for you. I don’t think they are.
• Dances with girls at the club, to keep creepy guys away. Um, no, that’s not why he’s dancing with you at the club. He’s dancing because he wants to dance, he’s generally not thinking about the creepy guys you seem to be aware of. It also appears that the meme writer has suddenly changed sexes, from male to female (see first, upper left photo).
• Gives fashion advice to straight guys, to help them pick up chicks. Bwa ha ha ha ha! In reality, it’s more likely he either doesn’t notice your straight fashion faux pas or is laughing silently inside (or loudly behind your back). Honestly, he’s not really interested in whether you get to pick up chicks or not (notice, once again, the gender seems to have switched! Also, I don’t think women like being referred to as chicks – or then, maybe they do).
• Can’t have biological children – adopts! Ok, dear meme writer, it’s back to sophomore biology for you! Here’s a shock: gay men are just as capable of baby-making as straight ones are – they just don’t usually choose to have sex with women for that purpose. Some do. A lot of others who want biological children use their sperm to father kids with a surrogate. Of course, it’s admirable when anyone, gay or straight, adopts a child who needs a home.

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• Takes that “ugly” girl to prom, so she doesn’t have to go alone. Oh, dear meme writer, you’re just going to have to get over your fascination with positioning gay men as martyrs in the service of helping straight people out with all their sad mating problems! That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to take our own boyfriends to prom.
• Orders the girly drinks straight guy friends are embarrassed to order – because they are delicious. Actually, I’ve been gay for over 5o years and have never seen this. Nor do I believe I know any gay man who thinks these drinks are delicious. More wishful thinking on your part, dear meme writer, that we’ll live up to your safe fantasy – and it’s just not true. Perhaps you can treat yourself to a few of these sugary concoctions and then you’ll feel better!